Friday, March 10, 2006

The Nub of Her Problem

WARNING: The following post is extremely disgusting. And filthy. Reader discretion is advised.

NOTE: Also, this should be the post that returns KAR to the top of The Nihilist's Top 11 Blogs list.

Dear Foot,

What is it about half-wit morons who have an extensive track record of saying incredibly stupid things that makes them always tend to impugn the sex lives of those with whom they disagree?

Please reply in your trademark churlish satirical style.

Sincerely,

Biff Nerdelschmidt

Dear Biff,

That, dear Biff, is a question for the ages. I mean who hasn't at some point told an uptight colleague or friend thet they really need to get laid?

Of course in those instances, the line is usually delivered with a soft touch and received in good humor. But there's something about dull-witted left-wing harpies that causes them to take an almost pathologcal interest in hypothesizing about the sex-lives of people they despise, that appears intended to be a bit less charitable.

I ruminated about this over lunch, and came up with a few ideas - although no firm conclusions - as to why drooling assholes like Wendy Wilde like to play the "he needs a blow job" card against people who, um, go to church.

First (and this almost goes without saying), people who fixate on the felatial history of others do so because their tiny tiny lizard brains cannot articulate any good argument to counter that put forth by the person or persons they are assailing. It's the ribald equivalent of "Oh yeah? Well, you're a poopy head!" or "My dad can beat up your dad." It's the clearest signal that someone hasn't got the intellectual heft to hang in the debate, and it's time to tune that person out (although in Wilde's case, I doubt anybody ever tuned in).

But really that only tells part of the story. There are other possibilities to explain this behavior(and I do this fully cognizant of running afoul of what I just wrote - but I'm being an anthropologist here, so all possibilities must be laid on the table):

Maybe Wendy's husband and/or girlfriend doesn't know how to work "the nub".

Hey, I warned you.

Maybe Wendy's lashing out at T-Paw's hypothetical dearth of work in his skin flute capacity has to do with the fact that she is bitter from some percieved slight that her painstakingly-developed oral sex techniques, developed over years of trial and error experimentation and practice and honed to perfection, are not being reciprocated with the same quality and exacting standards. Perhaps she is merely projecting her bitterness onto the Governor, because that's the most harmless direction she can throw it. When she says "Pawlenty really needs a blow job," she is really saying "Why can't I ever get as good as I give?" It's frustration from one aspect of her life (the personal) comingling with the frustrations of another aspect of her life (the political) manifesting itself in insults hurled at a person (emblimatic of a larger group) she cannot relate to (somebody who goes to church).

Really, it's a classic case of projection.

Or there's the other possible explanation, given that I'm gloriously unfamiliar with the more personal aspects of Wilde's anatomy:

She needs a blow job.

Warm Regards,

LearnedFoot

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