Monday, March 20, 2006

Sharon Stone: "Breathing Key to Peace"

PARIS (PUPI) - During a press conference in France, noted geopolitical expert and bush trimmer Sharon Stone outlined her one-step plan for peace in the Middle East.

"It feels to me that we have an opportunity ... to choose understanding in a new way," Stone began before getting onto the specifics of her watershed plan: "And it really is just a breath. It's just an agreement that's just a breath. We are not far apart. We can choose to have this alternative kind of growth that is a collective nuance of understanding. We are just that breath away from a peaceful co-existence."

While she was adamant that the "Breath Protocol" was indeed the way to lasting peace, she refused to get more detailed about the type of breathing involved. For instance, one reporter present asked whether the breaths necessary to bring about mutual understanding would be labored like those used by some women during child birth, or would the breathing need to be a less staccato-like, but more sustained heavy-type breathing like what one experiences while running. Stone ignored the question.

LearnedFoot, the Chief Happiness Officer of the Kool Aid Report Institute for Peace and Justice Studies, was skeptical of Stone's proposal: "I don't see how breathing on someone will make them more agreeable. Hell, have you ever smelled my breath after I've had the manigott' and several beers? Not exactly an invitation for detente'"

Mr. Foot, whose own organization has seen several peace plans like the "Circle of Praxis" the "Social Change Wheel" and the "Rhombus of Beer" fall flat, conceded that there is some potential in Stone's idea.

"The breathing thing is an interesting angle, but I think Sharon employs the wrong approach. If those verminous Islamo-fascist licknobs just stopped breathing, I think we could see peace in our time."

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