Friday, March 24, 2006

Time to Take This Blogging Thing to a Wider Audience

Dear Washington Post:

I am writing to you to apply for your recently-vacated position of Lead Blogger for your Red America blog. I was alerted to this opportunity by the near-deafening sound of a million lefty-bloggers masturbating simultaneously to the news about the plagiarism charges against the previous holder of this position.

As I am sure that you will be very careful with your selection of Mr. Domenech's successor, I will depart from traditional cover letter protocols by telling you about my short-comings up front, in the interests of full disclosure:

* I tend to write about disgusting things.

* I like to use the word "poop".

* I think society would be better off if we all drew larger lessons from Iron Maiden songs.

* When I'm feeling lazy, I write in haiku.

* When I'm feeling really really lazy, I turn my blog over to Sisyphus.

On the other hand, I believe that I possess all the qualities you are looking for in the individual who would run your excellent blog. To wit:

* I am a conservative.

* I have never plagiarized anything. Ever.

* I have over a year of blogging experience, during which time I have mastered the use of the "hyper-link."

* If I relocate to Washington DC, I promise not to stalk Ana Marie Cox (unlike some other potential applicants I could name).

* I have enough command of accounting terms to give your female readership the screaming thigh sweats.

* I know how to properly use a semicolon.

* I only sexually arouse lefties through my sharp wit and hauntingly seductive eyes; never through my personal failings.

I believe that I would be a perfect fit for this position, and together we could make the Red America blog a first class operation. I will contact you in the coming days to set up a time when we could meet and more fully discuss this position. I look forward to talking with you.

Kind Regards,

LearnedFoot

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