Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Ah, Shit.

The following is a relatively faithful transcript of a conversation that took place during dinner at the Foot household last night.

THE GIRL (4 year-old): [Points to the TV on which highlights of a Minnesota Wild game are being displayed.] Hockey!

LEARNEDFOOT: Wha'????

GIRL: That's hockey!

LF: Why yes. Yes it is.

[Silence]

LF: How did - Where - uh...

MRS. FOOT: She's been quite interested in hockey lately...

LF: Er, um.. Uh....

.....

What the hell?

MRS. F: Way to form a coherent thought there, honey.

LF: I mean, uh... How did hockey all of a sudden appear on her radar screen?

GIRL: I liiiiiiiike hockey!

LF: When have you ever -

MRS. F: She talks about it quite a bit. I think she's interested in playing hockey.

LF: Never to me... [To THE GIRL] You really want to play hockey?

GIRL: Yessssssss.

LF: Did you know that hockey sticks possess a mysterious property that causes a person's IQ to drop by 30% by merely touching one?

MRS. F: Honey!!!!!

LF: Sorry....

[Silence]

LF: Hockey, huh?

GIRL: Hockey!

LF: [Quickly calculates the costs of 13 years of organized hockey for THE GIRL, including the possible influence it may have on her younger brother and the additional costs that would impose. Conclude that the financials do not break in my favor.] What about basketball?

GIRL: Hockey!

LF: Softball?

GIRL: Hockey!

LF: Volleyball?

GIRL: Hockey!

LF: Lacrosse? Jai Alai? Rugby? Pole vault? Australian rules football? How about the Mayan Ball Game?

GIRL: Hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey hockey!!!!

LF: *snork*

GIRL: Tee hee hee.

LF: Chad got to you, didn't he? That evil bastard! [Shakes fist in the air] DAMN YOU CHAD!!!!

THE BOY: Bastard bastard bastard bastard bastardbastardbastardbastard!

MRS.F: Nice vocabulary lesson for the kids, you knob.

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