Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Kofi Uber Alles

I heard the call and have decided to answer.

I read the remarks Kofi made to his comrades at MCCommie College in St. Paul and found myself chuckling out loud.

Take a gander:
Editors note: I may have taken some liberties here.

Success in solving global problems will come not from government officials, but citizens, [and lifelong diplomats who have immunity from everything] Annan said to a crowd of 1,900 -- comprising mostly students -- at Macalester College.

"We all have the power to make choices -- we can choose to be silent and turn away [from the oil for food scandal that threatens to destroy the cushy life we’ve made for ourselves by lining our pockets with money meant to feed and clothe starving Iraqis] or we can step forward and take action. [Guess which route I took.]" he said. "However you choose to carry out your mission as global citizens, I know you will keep demonstrating [because that’s all greasy-haired hippies like you are good for. The only other option is getting a job in public service but that means you all have to begin showering regularly and you women may have to shave your legs and underarms. Do what I did and take a job that pays you huge amounts of money for lording over a unwieldy bureaucracy that no forensic accountant can crack.] "

Annan, who studied economics and graduated from Macalester in 1961, returned for the inauguration of the college's Institute for Global Citizenship.

"Its launch could hardly come at a more critical time in the life of the international community in general and the United Nations in particular," Annan said.

"More than ever before, the human race faces global problems ... that no one country, however powerful, can tackle alone. [Although we will continue to run crying for money to the United States whenever we need to and will also blame them for the world’s ills when we feel compelled.] We need to come together and work out global solutions [that will rape the Unites States taxpayers,]" the 2001 Nobel Peace Prize winner added.

Annan, whose term at the U.N. [thankfully] ends in December, did not rule out a return to Macalester. When college President Brian Rosenberg asked whether he would consider teaching at the new institute, Annan replied, "I think that will depend very much on (the institute's) Dean (Ahmed) Samatar, if he will have me. [And whether I’m in a foreign country trying to avoid arrest for fleecing the Iraqi people. If it comes down to teaching future Communist leaders or keeping my ass out of jail, the revolution will have to do without me.]"

Annan spoke of the work accomplished at last year's U.N. World Summit, but also of his disappointment that the summit failed "to chart a way forward on (nuclear) disarmament and nonproliferation."

"Can there be any threat more alarming in today's world than that of the nuclear or biological weapons falling into the hands of terrorists or being used by a state as a result of some terrible misunderstanding or mischaracterization?" he said.

He said one of his biggest disappointment[sic] in the 10 years that he has run the U.N. was the fractious debates that preceded the war in Iraq [and that the war was the beginning of the end of his oil for food kickback slush fund.]

"It [the end of the kickbacks] was a very painful experience for me, personally, because I thought we should have been able to avoid the war [and keep the income coming, kinda like an annuity. I was counting on the money and now, after my term ends, I may have to become a greeter at Wal-Mart]," he said.

David Lanegran, a geography professor who was a Macalester student at the same time as Annan, said his students find it hard to believe someone like Annan could be in their class, [“They’re amazed at the power of Diplomatic Immunity,” Lanegran said, “Most thought for sure he would be locked up for crimes against humanity.”]

"I ask them, 'Which of you will be the next Kofi Annan?' " he said, [All of my student want to be just like him: getting rich off the backs of impoverished countries and having the immunity to get away with it. They all know the United Nations, not America, is the land of opportunity.]

Annan was asked about his relationship with Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., who has called for Annan's resignation. "I can't say we have a relationship," Annan said. "We've met a few times."

Macalester student Edinam Agbenyeke, 22, was thrilled to meet the man who influenced his life so much. "When I found out he went to school here, I was really proud," Agbenyeke said. "He's a national hero in Ghana. [Even if he is a pariah in several other countries throughout the world], if you’re a hero in Ghana, you’re a hero to me]"

Annan was presented the 2006 Award for Principled Leadership [for steering the oil for food investigation into the ground] by the Caux Round Table, an international network of business and political leaders advocating an ethical approach to capitalism. Annan also toured the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis on Saturday.

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