Tuesday, April 25, 2006

A Sisyphean Press Conference

Sisyphus proposes that the next White House press secretary be more assertive with and less civil to the poo-flinging chimps in the White House Press Corps. Example:

Q: Many retired Generals and Admirals have called for the resignation of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. When will the President come to his senses and fire this guy we all hate?

SISYPHUS: The President doesn’t make personnel decisions based on the person’s popularity with the press. Nor does he care much about what a handful of Wesley Clark wannabes are saying to suck up to the moveon.org crowd.

While we applaud Sisyphus on his vision, we here at KAR think that he needs to be firmer with these prima donna know-nothings. In our vision (again with Sisyphus filling the opening, because he certainly has the chops for this sort of work), a typical Sisyphean presser would go something like this:

SISYPHUS: I have no prepared remarks so, if you don't mind, let's get right to your questions. Yes, Helen?

HELEN THOMAS: Mr. Secretary, this administration has lied and lied to get us into this misbegotten -

SISYPHUS: [Shoots Helen Thomas in the kneecap.]

SISYPHUS: Are there any other questions?

[Silence]

SISYPHUS: Good. Peace out, bitches.

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