Saturday, April 01, 2006

Things I Know For A Fact

I do a lot of thinking.

And after years of said thinking, I've come to the following epiphany: If you are not:
  • Between thirty-two and thirty-eight years old
  • Male
  • Catholic
  • Married
  • Middle-management
  • a townhouse dweller
  • a country fan
  • oozing contempt for any part of culture other than your own
  • living in a city between 50,000 and 100,000
  • of Irish descent
  • a heavy drinker
  • a private school graduate
...then you are an idiot.

Simple. That's all there is to it.

UPDATE: Ken from International Falls writes "What if I'm 40 and live in a town of 400 people?"

What part of "Then you are an idiot" do you not understand, Ken? In your case I'd add "mongoloid" and "child molester".

UPDATE 2: Johanna from Duluth writes: "I'm 36, married, attend Saint Lawrence Catholic Church, am a finance manager for a law firm, I adore Toby Keith and Big and Rich, I think reality TV shows are bunk, I graduated from Saint Agnes and Saint Thomas, I live with my husband in a townhouse, and I start every evening with three shots of Blackbush Irish Whiskey. How about me?"

When I want your opinion, toots, I'll grant you the right to have one. One more time - unless you pee standing up, go suck off a wino, just like your momma did to conceive you, and let the boys get the serious thinking done. No sale.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

BEST. K.A.R. POST/PARODY. YET. The Nihilist must go nuclear or will forever be known as LF's bee-otch!
No matter NIGP, this is the biggest humilation of a Domer since 2003 - . The definition of a beat down.
Oh the humanity.