Friday, May 12, 2006

Awash in Misery

UPDATED YET AGAIN 1:20

I am brought low.

I have barely the will to punch out this post. My humours are drained. I have nothing left. I am miserable; drowning in a desperate ennui. Depression descends upon me, closing in from all directions and I fear that soon my whole world will become inky black.

Black.

Black.

Black.

Oh, opaqueness of despair! Oh fetid midnight of wretched misery! Please stay your brick bats for but a moment longer so that I may bid my loved ones farewell, and then find some obscure corner of the earth, where nobody can see me cry. A place where I can wallow in my wretched state away from those who celebrate in glee upon hearing the same news that has plunged me - and all other conservative bloggers into the Pit of Anguish.

Oh God: why hast though forsaken us? Why, oh why do George Bush's job approval ratings continue to spiral downward? Why have you visited this plague upon us? My ego is crushed. My pride is hurt, for Those That Dance With Glee tell me that the approval ratings are merely a proxy for my philosophy. And thus the aggregate opinion of a representative nationwide sample of 2000 adults between the ages of 18 and 65 taken between May 5 and May 8, 2006 have totally and conclusively refuted us all. We are objectively wrong and can no longer hide it.

Oh, woe is me! Woe is me!

UPDATE: I walk in the shadows of the Valley of Death! Yea, LORD, You were able to deliver the Israelites from the Exile and slavery at the hands of the Pharoah! Yea LORD, You delivered the innocent from the Angel of Death! Why canst Thou ease the suffering of Your humble servant by making 51% (or, even better, a healthy 60%) of a representative sample of adults between the ages of 18 and 65 agree with me? That is, if the Bush approval numbers bear any indication of my righteousness or wrongatude!

All is lost! All is lost!

UPDATE 2: My Tears of Despair so water the ground that the Thistles of Loathing are begining to grow and overtake me.

UPDATE 3: Uh, I'm actually starting to feel better now. Could it be that I am becoming like those who exault in the low poll numbers of politicians? Only time will tell.

UPDATE 4: Yes...yes. I am definitely feeling better now. I wonder why?

UPDATE 5: Yep, the despair is completely gone. And I think I know why. It's because

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OPINION POLLS. NO NEWS CONSUMER WITH A FUNCTIONING BRAIN AND AN IQ ABOVE THAT OF A LAVA LAMP GIVES A SHIT ABOUT OPINION POLLS.

Of course, if I was insecure and possessed a pathalogical need to be constantly validated (compare and contrast), I might. But I don't. I care more about my personal aproval ratings; from the unspeakably banal to the pressingly important.

And I'm grateful to be doing well on both counts (BTW in that picture, The Girl is making a "You're #1!" sign with her hand, not the "'L' for 'Loser'" one). Everything else is meaningless.

In fact, I can give you a long list of things that disappoint me more than the latest manufactured news driven by people who happen to pick up telephones and answer survey questions because they just so happen to be home during the day. Chief among these: my fabulous new irons have yet to touch the fuzzy, well-manicured bent grass of one of this area's fine golf courses.

What some idiot in Des Moines thinks about the Prez? Not so much.

But if you are one of those Muppets who do like to fixate on these plolls, our old pal and butt-blogging brother Ryan put it best when responding to a semi-regular dull-witted KAR comment troll who brought it up (believe it or not the comment - which has since been mangled by me for its inanity - was along the lines of "You are posting this nonsense because Bush's poll numbers went down again!" No, I am not making that up. Ryan can vouch for me.) in the now legendary Shot in the Dark substitute comment thread:

Don't be such a tool.

On a related note, upon learning of the two point poll drop, I have to poop again.

I would just add "...and get a life."

And, yes, I too have to poop.

UPDATE 6: Back in a funk now. I just discovered Howie Kurtz doesn't read KAR (or at least didn't read it through the last update).

I'm devastated.

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