Friday, May 26, 2006

I'm Taking My Running Gags Back NOW!

I will never fake my own death again. Even when I return, people are picking over the corpse that was never there, stealing my gags as if they were gold fillings.

Andee at Rezidyooal Foursiz attempts a Moron Mail with disasterous results. To wit: he recommends a fictional novel to refute Al Gore, rambles on for far too long (a sin I have never EVER committed. EVER!), and uses mysterious words like "nutter".

Leave it to the pros, pal. The work product of a seasoned letter fisker would have looked more like this:

***

Let's Do the Time Warp Again:


Al Gore was right. In the election of 2000, he warned that large tax cuts were unwise because government budget projections were notoriously inaccurate. Since the 1980s, Al Gore has been warning about the perils of global warming. In 2002, while some others were afraid to do so and before it became fashionable, he was the first major, national Democrat to come out clearly and strongly opposing the war in Iraq.Five years have elapsed and what do we have now? We have a federal government mired in fiscal deficits as far as the eye can see. Our once-strong U.S. dollar has fallen 20 percent in value relative to the euro. We have a global crisis with the planet continuing to rise in temperature, but have no leadership whatsoever from Washington on the matter.

And finally, we are stuck in Iraq with our allies leaving us there and with no obvious way out.
Yes, Al Gore was right. But hopefully in 2008 we will have a choice again. We can yet again become fiscally responsible. We still have some time to save our planet from the ravages of global warming. We can again be a country that is admired around the world. I hope and ask that Al Gore gives us that chance to redeem ourselves.

WALT MONDULL, RICHFIELD.

Ahhh. More refreshing wisdom from the Strib's Letter o' the Day.

You know, there's something about Al Gore's platform that seems comfortably familiar. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I don't think we should dismiss it out of hand. Let's explore what an Al Gore prsidency would look like:

* An energy policy that is wholly based on austerity (i.e. conservation) and flight of fancy technologies that are decades away from being tenable.

* An isolationist Middle East policy that is content with the status quo ante. Requiring the periodic redefinition of "status quo ante" as necessary, following the latest descent into further madness in that region.

* Soak the rich taxation that discourages investment, which in turn drives up unemployment and interest rates, making credit and homeownership unaffordable for a majority of the nation's vaunted "middle class".

Wait a minute! I know why that seems so familiar! It's familiar because we already had a president like that:

Jimmy Carter!

How did that work out?

Pretty well if you think about it. The Carter presidency led to 12 years of Republicans in the White House (well, 8 years - with 4 more years of Republican Lite), and an inexhaustable supply of material for the Nihilist in Golf Pants et al.

***

And that, dear Andy, is teh way it's dun.

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