Monday, May 01, 2006

Live Blogging A Day Without Immigrants

UPDATED - 3:41

Today, billions of illegal immigrants and their friends (and swarthy-looking natural citizens who just want a Monday off) will be taking off work and takin' it to the streets. There are rallies and boycotts of work, shopping and schools planned which are intended to demonstrate the economic impact of this nation's large illegal population.

Because of the magnitude of this demonstration, as well as the rippling effects it may have on the entire country at large, I will be liveblogging my observations on the impact this protest has throughout the day.

6:45 am: My Monday morning gasoline fillup went much more smoothly than usual. This is due in no small part to the absence approximately 3 rusted out 1980s-era minivans full of roofers who are usually in front of me in the checkout line buying several pounds of donuts and coffee.

7:30 am: I am beginning to receive spotty reports of unpicked produce in the Southwestern United States.

7:45 am: It occurs to me that this liveblog would be better with a soundtrack. How about a little Herb Alpert? Please click this link to open the midi, and start reading again from the beginning. Thank you.

8:30 am: Chicago Cubs pitcher and Venezuelan native Carlos Zambrano gave up 7 earned runs in 4 innings against the Brewers yesterday. I wonder if he was under the mistaken assumption that A Day Without Immigrants was scheduled for yesterday.

8:31 am: Given that the Brewers won the last 2 games of their series against the Cubbies with a combined score of 25 - 2, a more plausible explanation is that the Cubs merely suck.

8:32 am: I love it when the Cubs get crushed.

8:33 am: Because it makes their super-annoying fans irritable.

8:34 am: Ha! Suck on it you brie-eating suck monkeys!

9:00 am: After a cursory look around the office and a couple other places of employment, I can only conclude that immigrants from East Asia, Southeast Asia, South Asia, Africa and possibly Canada did not get the memo that they were supposed to skip work today.

9:10 am: CRISIS! Both coffee urns are empty!!! Could this be the first tangible fallout from ADWI? Must. Find. Alternate. Source. Of. Coffee.

9:35 am: Judging by KAR's languid traffic this morning, I'd guess that about 1/3 of our readership is comprised of illegal immigrants.

10:05 am: I am now listening to a speech being given at one of the rallies. The speaker is exhorting Americans to stop treating illegal immigrants like pariahs. At least I think that's what he's saying, since the entire speech is in Spanish.

10:39 am: A spotter reports via e-mail that Fresno has been completely overgrown by over-ripe, unharvested avocados.

10:40 am: Still trying to confirm the Fresno avocado story. It's surprisingly difficult to find someone in that town who speaks English.

10:41 am: Anybody have a good guacamole recipe?

11:00 am: In Spanish, "A Day Without Immigrants" is "Un dia sin immigrante". Good thing there aren't a lot of Illegal German imigrants, because then it would be something like "Schnitzelgrupeneinekleinenachtmusikheinestrassetag."

11:01 am: Another drawback of an illegal German immigrant boycott would be severe interruptions to the beer supply.

11:29 am: Because I am against A Day With Out Immigrants, I am declaring today (as regards my lunch) A Day Without Burritos. Long time readers of KAR will recognize this as a good thing.

11:50 am: MORNING RECAP - The score so far:

I scored big this morning with an uncharacteristically quick and easy trip to the gas station. However, Team La Raza struck back hard by making me work to procure my second cup of coffee.

LearnedFoot - 1
Illegals - 47

In an unrelated note, in a comment to this post, John M. Burt respectfully requests that all bloggers immediately cease any humor regarding the Latino Star Spangled Banner until he finds whatever it is he's googling.

12:07 pm: And now, an appropriately themed Moron Mail:

Deciding immigration issues should be easy for people who take their Bible uncut. Exodus 22:21 says, "You shall not wrong or oppress a stranger [some versions even say 'resident alien'], for you were strangers [resident aliens] in the land of Egypt."

Notice this law doesn't say anything about requiring assimilation. The Hebrews never became Egyptians.

That seems like a mighty convenient translation.

But that's neither here nor there. Really, just one thing puzzles me:

The Jews were in Egypt, against their will. As slaves. They didn't want or need to assimilate. They wanted to get the hell out.

Which pretty much turns this guy's point into a non sequitur. If you were reading the "uncut" version of the Bible, that is.

Two and three generations ago my Scandinavian grandparents were often ashamed of their heritage, in public anyway. That's sad. It leaves me looking for roots at the American Swedish Institute and from distant, and slightly amused, Scandinavian cousins. I wish I had grown up knowing Swedish, Norwegian, Finnish; I think I'd appreciate being an American even more.

America is not a melting pot. It's a surprisingly tasty tossed salad. In the long run, salads are healthier than fondue.


SVEN OODERRGAAAARD, MINNEAPOLIS

You know, I used to think that a bloody Mary was a healthier drink choice - in the long run -than some other potables. Then I saw Keegan's version.

12:30 pm: I just tried it now and discovered that KAR is really fun to read while listening to a cheesy midi version of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass' "Tijuana Taxi." You should try it if you haven't already (See entry at 7:45 am for link).

1:00 pm: Or how about the Alpert classic Little Spanish Flea?

1:05 pm: Not an Alpert fan? That's OK. I give you Senor Tito Puente!

1:30 pm: Salsa not your taste? Fine. Here's the Immigrant Song.

2:19 pm: Ummmm...

2:20 pm: Does anyone out there know how to make one of those upside-down question marks that are used in Spanish in the blogspot editor?

3:00 pm: A strain of the bird flu has turned up in Jersey. Could A Day Without Immigrants finally be taking its toll? Developing...

3:10 pm: Because Panama has no illegal imigrant problem, but does have a dangerous earthquake problem, today was declared A Day Without Earthquakes in that country.

3:11 pm: UPDATE - Panama's A Day Without Earthquakes a miserable failure.

3:30 pm: Sorry about the lack of substantive updates this afternoon. I guess the boycott isn't having its intended effect.

3:41 pm: OUTRAGE - I have just learned that the local Chipotle Mexican Grill is closed because of A Day Without Immigrants. This live blog is over.

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