Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Moron Mail

This is easily the stupidest thing I've read this month.

Duct tape your head.

I mean it. This letter is so bad, that it defies fisking. You're on your own. Really.

Ready? You've been warned.

So long, bipartisanship

WAIT! In addition to duct taping your head, you probably ought to fasten any loose objects to something heavy, or at least get them out of the vicinity of this letter. I fear that that its complete absence of any coherent thought, perspective, basic intelligence, consistency, and logic, combined with its general overall powerful suckiness will create a vacuum so powerful that loose objects will be attracted to it, causing them to hurl toward your computer monitor at such velocity that your monitor - and anything in its path - will be destroyed.

I'm not kidding.

Honestly, this may be the most lethally stupid letter ever reproduced on KAR.

Brace yourselves.

So long, bipartisanship

In announcing conservative commentator Tony Snow as the new White House press secretary, President Bush put to rest any idea that his administration would try to be more bipartisan.

ED DEADHEAD, ST. PAUL.

[LearnedFoot instinctively ducks, narrowly avoiding getting braned by a very large book that impacts his monitor.]

Oh the humanity!

Really - what do you say to something like this? I mean, it's no stretch to assume that if you were to propose that, say, Bill Clinton should have appointed, say, Newt Gingrich as Press Secretary, Ed would have had himself a rare laugh.

But since I don't like to assume, here's some anecdotal evidence.

How does one respond to such vapidity?

The mere hope that he would never befoul the public discourse again seems naive. And unlikely, given his penchant for leaving his little brain poopings all over the internet and local newspapers.

I'm having an existential crisis. One of the main things we do here at KAR is eviscerate stupidity like this - well, not like this; this is on a whole new level - with coherence, wit, sometimes charm, and, often, rancor. But this wispy popcorn fart of a letter leaves so little substance to grab hold of and shake 'til it's dead.

How to fisk?

I give up. It can't be done, other than to just offer an ineffectual "shut the hell up."

I am defeated.

*sigh*

No comments: