Friday, June 16, 2006

Summertime and the Blogging is Easy

It begins every year around Memorial Day. Bloggers who watch their stats (which is to say, all bloggers) note the onset of the Summer Traffic Doldrums season (STDs) - a moderate dip in regular daily traffic that runs roughly through September while most people eschew their computers for sunshine.

The best part of STDs is that with the more modest traffic comes a new freedom to write something extremely stupid, pointless or just gross, because there's fewer people out there to drive away from your site. For example, last year's STDs inspired this post, which has gone on to achieve legendary status.

So in the spirit of STDs 2006, I offer you this parody song, dedicated to - who else? - Ryan.

Sung to the tune of Gary Lewis and the Playboys' Everybody Loves a Clown. Midi file here for a more authentic experience. Sing along at work. I dare you.

EVERYBODY LOVES TO POOP

Everybody loves to poop, so why don't you?
Everybody loves to squeeze out a stinky poo
We all grunt when we strike the pose
But you don't laugh, you just hold your nose
Everybody loves to poop, so why can't you
Drop the kids off at the pool?

Most people don't have a problem taking a shit -
Going to the porcelain bank for a deposit.
I don't know why you're so bound up -
Try a little fiber and take a big dump
It's not easy to take a poop, you see
When your diet is mainly cheese

Everybody loves to poop, so why don't you?
Caca, poopie, stool, turds and doo doo.
I know that I, whenever I'm able,
Love to sit down and lay some cable.
Guess you'll be the one who plays the part
Of the guy who can only fart.

Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart

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