Wednesday, July 12, 2006

BREAKING: Indictment Imminent in Plame Leak Case

WASHINGTON-- An unimpeachable source has revealed to KAR that the grand jury investigating the leak that revealed the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame will hand down an indictment later today. The indictment signals a stunning climax in the interminably long investigation.

KAR has learned that the grand jury will indict Marquis' Who's Who in America later today, charging the tome with violating the Intelligence Identities Protection Act. The indictment was made possible by the testimony of columnist Robert Novak, who initially broke the story connecting Ambassador Joe Wilson's infamous trip to Niger with his wife's employment in the CIA. Earlier today, Novak broke his silence on the matter and ended months of speculation writing: "I learned Valerie Plame's name from Joe Wilson's entry in Who's Who in America."

The indictment will mark the first time that an inanimate object has been charged with a crime since Al Gore received a speeding ticket over 3 years ago. However, it would be the first time a reference book has ever been charged with federal crime.

Reaction to today's revelations were mixed. Prominent liberal blogger Jess Flakie was characteristically despondent, writing on his blog site, "I wanted a [expletive] Rove for [expletive] 'Fitzmas' and all I [expletive] got was this [expletive] book!"

Prolific conservative polemicist LearnedFoot responded to this common sentiment of the left with a three word statement: "Neener neener neener!"

Attorneys for Who's Who in America declined to comment.

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