Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Great Cheese War of '06 - Armistice Day

What the hell was that all about anyway?

After a several hour-long closed door meeting between Sisyphus and me, we were able to sort out our differences and come to an accord. We came to see the absurdity of our intractable positions, our stilted over-the-top rhetoric, and Sisyphus' pompous bombast.

We now realize that when you, for example, serve cheese at a party, no single cheese can please everyone. There will be guests who prefer Wisconsin Cheddar. There will be some that prefer Gorgonzola. Some of the more discerning ones might rather have a nice brie or a Camembert. But since you can only serve one type of cheese, you need to select the one that pleases - or at least satisfies - the greatest number of your guests. While some guests may bitch and moan that Cheddar, or buffalo Mozzarella, or whatever offends their sensibilities, those pissants really don't matter if the majority of your guests are fine with your choice of cheese. The goal is to have a successful party, not to please every single snotball who pompously touts their insufferable cheese principles.

And so, with this understanding, Sisyphus and I repaired to our respective homes as wiser and better men. I sprinkled a little Gorgonzola on my salad that night, and Sisyphus no doubt downed a one-pound brick of cheddar (wrapped in bacon) and a cold beer.

Ah, but all "principles" are not created equal. For example, on one hand, you have a person who aligns himself with a group that he sees consistent with his world view -though maybe not perfectly - in an effort to make his state and his country a better place. While he may be a bit oversensitive at times, he realizes that sometimes compromise is necessary to achieve his ends.

That's one principle.

On the other hand, you have someone who's being a pompous self-serving jerk constantly trying to throw the the first guy under the bus for his willingness to compromise. He incessantly lambastes the poor fellow for "selling out" even though any moron can see that he is not. He's vicious and relentless and mean about it too. His self-important, self-adulating assaults start resembling self-parody. And much of it is based on some perceived personal slight by a third party.

If that's "being principled," then you can shove it. Petty little squabbles about something so insignificant in one's daily life tend to make one look absurd and a waste of time and emotional energy.

It's only cheese.

And that's the last I'm going to say on the matter.

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