Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Nihilist in Birkenstocks

So now the MilF is safely behind us. What to write now?

What, indeed?

...

Oh look! NonMonkey is back from his thrice-yearly four-week vacation:

Keith Ellison is black. Keith Ellison is a black Muslim. Keith Ellison is a black Muslim scofflaw who doesn't pay his parking tickets and is sloppy with paperwork.

And another thing: I hear he is a Muslim.

STOP!!!!

I'm not going to fisk this. Simply because I already have.

Come to think of it: have you ever seen NonMonkey and Garrison Keillor in the same place at the same time? Ah, put that aside. You don't need to read this NonMonkey barfypoopsnot. Just go to my fisking of Keillor's braindead musings linked above, and substitute "Keith Ellison" for "Nancy Pelosi" and "B-L-A-C-K M-U-S-L-I-M" for "G-A-Y".

It's basically the same thing: willful ignorance and half stories intended to paint half the population as members of the Klan.

Or maybe it's not willful. Maybe they just don't read the bullshit that they're peddling. NonMonkey is hoping that we either don't know about or ignore the following:

* The problem with Keith Ellison is not that he's a Muslim. The problem is with a certain group of Muslims with whom he chose to associate; namely the ones who take a roughly similar view of Jews as Hamas does. And let's not get into Calypso Louie's opinion of Whitey.

* Ellison's involvement with the Nation of Islam included a role in the Million Man March - a demonstration that, as nonMonkey put it, "called on black men to take responsibility for their families."

Fine. Suppose the Ku Klux Klan staged a similar march, the purpose of which was to call on white people to take responsibility for their families. Would a politician who was involved in that get a similar pass from the UnSimian?

And yes, I am comparing the NOI to the Klan.

* Ellison just had a few parking tickets. No biggie. Let he who is without sin, yada yada. it bears no relation to his fitness to serve in Congress.

Nick's right: it's no biggie. What is a biggie is what NonMonkey conveniently omits from his steaming pile:

Ellison acknowledged previous suspensions but said, "I don't know how many prior suspensions I've had. I don't keep count."

He doesn't know how many times his license has been suspended????

?????

!!!!!!!

I remember a big news story from a past presidential campaign, that tried to paint the Republican candidate - I can't remember if it was Bob Dole or George HW Bush - as "out of touch with mainstream America" because he didn't know how much a gallon of milk cost.

I submit that if you don't know how many times your driver's license has been suspended, you're out of touch with something far more profound than mainstream America. And it does speak to his fitness to hold office.

So there you have it. I'm a bigot because NonMonkey said so. Now back to my day job as a harry-backed swamp developer.

This crap, and Keillor's like it, is hack-job opinion journalism at its laziest. Both Keillor's and NonMonkey's brain poopings mentioned above could be reduced to a single sentence ("conservatives are dumb hateful bigots"); the rest is just fluff to fill line inches and hide the lie. If these ignoramuses even made an attempt at understanding or empathy - assuming they could muster enough brain cells to work together for a sufficient amount of time - these embarrassments would have never seen the light of day.

I suppose - if I thought I could get away with it - I could check my brain at the door and just rattle off a bunch of simple-minded insults like these bozos. How about this:

The party of Roosevelt and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-armpitted riot grrrls, Socialist plundering bullies with Mao's Little Red Book, freelance assholes, thought police, trust fund tycoons, line snorters, deadbeat dads and aluminum-siding scavengers, misanthropic campus barristas, ninja lab-rat liberators, shrieking failures of AM radio, tax extortionists, brie eaters, chicken chokers, Ritalin pushers, nihilists in Birkenstocks, backed-up Lutherans Episcopalians agnostics atheists, the grand pooh-bahs of Zoloft, mouth droolers, Ipod zombies and brownshirts in patchouli oil. (Compare)

But I probably wouldn't get away with it since my audience is a little more discerning than your average Saturday night NPR listener.

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