Thursday, July 27, 2006

Sue-icide

Is there a more wretched humanoid blighting the earth today than Susan Lenfestey?

No.

I use the term "humanoid" because from all outward appearances, she seems to be of the genus homo, species sapien; but given her periodic over-the-top, outrage-soaked, hyper-internalized dissociative sneering rants that appear in the Strib, one gets the idea that she is a construct of someone's warped imagination. I'm thinking that Robert Scheer's id became so aggressive and uncontainable, that it just one day leapt from his subconscious and manifested itself as the pathetic shrieking blueblood moonbat that we know as "Susan Lenfestey."

She's a miserable one, Sue is, as evidenced by the gi-normous poop she squeezed out yesterday, which the Strib dutifully foisted on an unsuspecting - and undeserving - public today. But don't read that. Read Mitch's fully fisked version here. (There's an ongoing unspoken rivalry between Mitch and I, as to which one of us can turn around a hatchet job on Lenfestey's latest brain drooling faster. Today, he got up pretty early, and I was saddled with one of Blogspot's thrice-weekly outages. Good job Mitch! I'll get you next time.)

Anyhoo, apparently Susan cannot escape her fate as the Shoulderer of All the World's Ills (as she sees them) even when she's on vacation. This Administration's Incompetence is too much for her to bear, even when sipping totties on the beaches of Mackinac Island. Indeed, today's Lenfestering screed, when read in conjunction with her past barfings, gives me cause for alarm.

At some point, it ("it" being the mere existence of conservatives) will become too much for her to take.

At some point, she's going to off herself.

So as a public service to Ms. Lenfestey, I have instituted the color coded Susan Lenfestey Suicide Threat Watch. The Suicide Threat Level will be raised and lowered depending on the crack KAR Psych Unit's assessment of her stability as interpreted from her columns. The SLSTW works just like the long-forgotten Homeland Security terror threat level, with green being the safest level, and red meaning there is an imminent threat that she may do something drastic. The categories have been carefully developed based on historical observations of the intensity of her hysterical ravings.

Because of today's column, KAR has determined that we are at threat level "Orange":


We will install this graphic on our sidebar (Bill? You there, Bill?) so that everybody can stay apprised of Lenfestey's status.

NOTE: It occurs to me that Lenfestey would probably choose a more elegant method of suicide than CO poisoning; one that would comport with her inflated perception of her own intellect. I'm thinking hemlock.

Oh well. The graphic's done. Whatcha gonna do?

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