Monday, September 25, 2006

the blog mart

the blog mart tim o'brien

Extreme right-wing bloggers smear Senate candidate!!!!

The blogosphere was agog this week over revelations that an administrative assistant to US Senate candidate and Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar hired goons whocontinuously beat staff attorneys in her office with crowbars for a period of months this past year. While the details remain sketchy, the Hennepin County sheriff indicated that Ms. Klobuchar intended to punish those members of the staff who refused to plea-bargain out all of their cases, insisting on trials instead.

The extremely nasty tone of the rhetoric in the blogosphere was set early by Andy Aplikowski of the Mark Kennedy propaganda blog Kennedy vs. the Machine (1): "Obveeuslee, somewon hoo wood hire goons too attak here own employees is not fit to sit inn teh Senit. Shee shood go too jail!" The obviously delusional Aplikowski wasn't the only KvM contributor to fling the mud at the greatest County Attorney ever. Gary Miller also piled on. "Why Ms. Klobuchar remains in the Senate race is a mystery to me," Mr. Miller wrote, no doubt shortly before he completed a human sacrifice to Karl Rove.

Paid party hack Michael Brodkorb of Minnesota Democrats Exposed (2) also had the Rovian Right-Wing Noise/ Slime / Spin Machine turning in full gear, writing some 45 posts about Ms. Klobuchar's office discipline techniques. This Nesferatu of the 'net primarily focused on the timeline of events. "If these crowbar assaults were ongoing and continuous from May through August of this year, how come Klobuchar just came forward now, at the end of September? What did she know, and when did she know it?" the jerkass Brodkorb asked.

Fortunately, the left side of Minnesota's blogosphere took up the mantle to counter the outrageous accusations coming from the right-wing puke-bloggers. MNPooplius (3) pointed out some facts that the right-wing smear-o-sphere conveniently omitted, writing: "What Brodkorb and the other surrogates of Kennedy's campaign don't want you to know, is that a large number of Klobuchar's staff are a bunch of ungrateful and disloyal hacks who objected to their union's endorsement of A-Klo. They obviously had these beatings coming!"

George Flaky of the Blog of the Moderate Dumbass (4) agreed, and added that there was some legal gray area here: "I'm not saying that what Klobuchar's assistant did - hiring the goons to crack skulls with crowbars - is right. However, are we sure that that's even illegal? I have a lot of knowledge of the law, and in my research I see nothing on the books that says that beating your own employees with a crowbar is a crime. Look at the definition of "dangerous weapon" in Minnesota Statutes 609.02: I don't see anything in there about a crowbar. Do you? Heh diddly. Whatevs. Pwn3d!"

Finally, the perennial voice of detached reason in the local blogosphere, Flash at Centrisity (5) nailed what this whole so called "Klobocrowbo-gate" is really all about: "If you're a fair and objective observer like me, it's quite clear that Amy is a paragon of upright virtue, coming forward to tell the authorities that her assistant had most of her staff beat up. I'm sure there is an entirely rational explanation for why Amy failed to notice all the black eyes, broken bones and extended absences of her employees until now. Equally clear to objective unbiased people like me (or am I the only one?) is that the smear merchants on the right are just using this incident to slime and smear Amy with their viscous [sic] attack machine like the slimy dirty smearboaters they are. Run Amy run! DFL forever!"

And you can bet he's objective, because he says he is. A lot.

So there, right-wing noise machine. You and your ilk can choke on it!

Scientists closer to discovering Unified Baniaiaiaiaiaiaiaian Theory

According to the Scientific American Blog (6), scientists have made a significant breakthrough in their quest to ascertain the correct spelling of the blogger at SCSU Scholars blog (7). "We've always known that there is one 'B' (capital) and two 'n's,' but the rest of the composition of his last name remained a mystery until now. We now believe that the remainder of his name is made up entirely of 'i's' and 'a's'". Scientific American then went on to hypothesize that the name likely included "five to seven 'i's' and infinity minus 7 to 12 'a's'".

SEE FOR YOURSELF: HOW TO FIND BLOGS ONLINE:

1. Kennedy vs. the Machine - kennedyvmachine.com
2. Minnesota Democrats Exposed - minnesotademocratsexposed.com
3. MNPooplius - MNPooplius.com
4. Blog of the Moderate Dumbass - pooppooppooppooppoop.com
5. Centrisity - centrisity.blogspot.com
6. Scientific American - blog.sciam.com
7. SCSU Scholars - scsuscholars.com

THE BLOGS IN ANALOG: MASS MEDIA ORGY

We're all primordial soup.

Ana Marie Cox. Keith Olbermann. Me.

The ultimate 3-way!

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