Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Curses! Foiled Again!

While we wait for the Shrieking Midget Children DFL Hacks to bag the fake righteous indignation and answer the pertinent question concerning their supposed triumph over the evil forces of MDE (that question being, "So f-ing what?"), lets move to another topic.

The GOP national convention is coming here:

Republicans have chosen the Twin Cities of Minneapolis-St. Paul _ in the politically pivotal Midwest _ for the 2008 presidential convention, GOP officials said Wednesday.

The selection was expected to be announced later in the day, said the Republican officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity. The convention is slated for Sept. 1-4.

Losing out were New York City, Cleveland and a joint bid from Tampa and St. Petersburg, Fla., other cities that had sought the convention.

Damn. This means that the likelihood that the Dems will pick the Twin Cities for their National Sneering Outrage Festival is nil. I was planning on having a lot of fun had that happened; playing a game of my own invention called "Screw With the Delegates":

[Scene: The Liffey, downtown St. Paul. LearnedFoot spies a midlevel national Democrat (MND)slated to give a floor speech the following day sitting at the bar. He grabs a stool next to him.]

LF: Howdy pardner.

MND: Hello there, inferior local plebe. What's your name?

LF: I'm Flemming Q. Blarbowitz. Pleased to meet'cha. I would shake your hand, but unfortunately, it got blown off in Iraq.

[Displays perfectly intact, functioning hand for MND to see. MND doesn't notice.]

MND: [Shaking head] What a damn damn shame. Army?

LF: No. Vacation. But anyway I'm sick and tired of this Chimpee McBushitler and his neocon masters pulling his strings with PaulWolfowitzandsmearmerchantKarlRove-crushingourcivillibertiesandgettingusintothisneverendingillegalimmoralandbloody-warBushliedandpeopledied.

MND: [Nodding solemnly] True dat. True dat.

LF: Oh c'mon. Nobody here says "true dat" anymore. If you want to connect with the locals here in Minnesota, you've got to learn the vernacular.

MND: Please enlighten me.

LF: Well for one thing, people here don't wave to each other. When Minnesotan's give a nonverbal greeting, they use the heavy metal devil horns hand gesture. [Does the devil horns hand gesture using the hand that was blown off in Iraq.]

MND: [Mimics devil horn hand signal.] Great! I'm learning stuff. Tell me more.

LF: Well, instead of "hello" we say "Iron Maiden Rules, bitch!"

MND: Wow, really? I never knew...

LF: Yeah. And instead of "goodbye," "farewell," or whatever your preferred parting word is, we say "Don't forget to poop!"

MND: This is great. Got any other advice?

[For the next hour, LearnedFoot runs all kinds of bullshit into MND. The "advice" gets more and more outlandish the drunker LearnedFoot gets.]

LF: Well, it's time for me to leave. Good luck with your speech at the convention tomorrow.

MND: I appreciate that.

MND: Oh, and [gives LF a knowing glance] don't forget to poop!

LF: You're learning. That's great! You don't forget to poop either!

The next day, MND delivers his nationally televised convention speech...

MND: Delegates, guests, members of the press, and my fellow Americans:

Iron Maiden rules bitches!...

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