Saturday, September 02, 2006

A Very Special Saturday Moron Mail

The reverse vampires, in conjunction with the Rand Corporation, under the supervision of The Saucer People have conspired to spring an October Surprise in, er, August...

Gasoline prices were at an all-time high of more than $3 per gallon just a few weeks ago. Today, 10 weeks before elections that some predict will unseat a large number of Republican incumbents, gasoline prices have suddenly dropped by 53 cents per gallon in my community.

Even stranger, prices usually rise right before a holiday weekend, supposedly due to the economic laws of supply and demand. Coincidence?

CAROLYN SAMPSON, NORTHFIELD, MINN.

No.

But in any event, I wonder if Carolyn (I didn't spoof her name for reasons that will become apparent in a moment) is aware of the Trilateral Commission's role in planting evidence that Iraq had nuclear ambitions only to have Ambassador Joe Wilson uncover the sham (which is why they had to kill Wilson and replace him with a state-of-the-art cyborg replica), causing France and the Russians to raise their tariffs on cheese imported from America, which led to a lot of cheese being left to mold on the docks here in the U.S., which is why my allergies are so fucking bad this year.

Hah. I'm kidding! But really, due to Carolyn's letter I am now scared that This Administration has acquired enough power to unilaterally alter the laws of supply and demand within a single day.

Hah! I'm kidding again. Actually, I don't buy Carolyn's assertion because I: a) have at least a rudimentary understanding of microeconomics (enough to understand antitrust law really really well; enough so that when I hear some moron utter the phrase "gas gouging" it causes me to gag on their ignorance); and 2) I am sane.

So what can we do to answer these lunatics like Carolyn who - without one shred of fact - advance these irresponsible and lame looney-toon conspiracy theories?

Well, if you live in Northfield, you can vote against her.

Curious. I wonder why she (or the letters editor) didn't mention her candidacy for the state senate...

We're through the looking glass here, people...

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