Tuesday, October 10, 2006

POLL: MAYORAL RACE A DEAD HEAT

The latest KARNation / Ipsos-Factos / Bonerman & Associates Dynamic Opinion Dynamics poll shows the 2006 MOB mayor's race to be a two primate race between Swiftee and Bobo the Talking Chimp. Swiftee leads the erstwhile simian by a statistically insignificant 7 percentage points: 29% to 22%.

All indications suggest that the constant gay-baiting by the leather-clad biker dude from West Saint Paul seemed to have gained a certain amount of traction with voters. At the same time, the gay baiting from the other challengers are not resonating. A spokesperson for Kevin Ecker's campaign (13%) hypothesized that the attacks against him by Andy Aplikowski's campaign (16%) failed to make a significant impact because the attacks were focused "solely on a single picture of Kevin wearing a 'fanny pack' which was in reality a much manlier 'ammo pack'".

In response, Aplicowski released a statement reading: "Lje awefi teh ksef j KJhuewfn kjkxwion eulai Ken boner!"

The most surprising result of the poll was the disappointing showing of Ryan Rhodes - a dismal 2%. Still, Rhodes was upbeat. "Obviously I haven't been getting that picture of my ass out to enough of the voters. I need to try harder; right after this boner goes away."

So, with the election only a week away, this race appears to have two very strong frontrunners, which almost assures that there will be a runoff. Even so, the campaigns remain confident. "All the peep's and the ho's and the bitche's will be voting for Swiftee come election day. And you are gay," said Swiftee.

Bobo was likewise sanguine.

"Poopy butt poop poop poop boner," remarked the chimp.

===COMPLETE RESULTS===

If the MOB mayoral election were held today, for whom would you vote?

Swiftee 29%

Bobo 22%

Andee Applecowski 16%

Kevin Ecker 13%

Joe Tucci 13%

Leo Pastuarellitonioino 4%

Ryan Rhodes 2%

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