Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Ecker/Foot Joint Tactical Strategic Election Night Liveblog (Brought to you by Enzyte - "Elections? No. Erections? You Betcha!")


7:30 - We're live on location in the KAR Media Hub. Kevie has yet to arrive.

NOTE TO NEW READERS: To experience a KAR liveblog to its fullest effect, be sure to listen to the official KAR liveblog / rant music while reading.

More later. Don't forget to refresh your browser.

8:48 - Hah ha! We're back! We had some technical difficulties regarding shit I could not comprehend. As it turns out. All we needed to do was reboot. Mad props to Kevie for figuring it out in a mere 45 minutes.

On with the fun...

8:50 - BREAKING NEWS

KAR has just learned that the candidates for the House of Representatives in Virginia's 5th CD are named "Goode" and "Weed".

As this appears to be the hgappiest race in the country, I proclaim it the Official House Race of the Joint Tactical Strategic Liveblog.

Stay tuned to KAR for all your Goode-Weed needs!

8:58 - I just farted. I wonder how long it will take to waft over to Kevie...

9:05 - ...about 2 minutes. (see 9:00)

9:10 - The Kool Aid Report is calling all major races for the republicans.

9:11 - OH SHIT! I'm busted:

I will be trying to keep an eye on what the New Wingnut Media (all that is right-wing claptrap from Fox to AM radio to Swiftee's crap) is doing on their election coverage tonight. We don't want them "declaring victory" early, like they did in 2000.

Curses! Once again my Rovian schemes are foiled by a self-important sparsly trafficed blog who sees himself as the defender of "truth"!

9:15 - Oh, wait... Didn't the nets call the race in Florida early for Gore in 2000 before the polls closed in the panhandle???

Then what the fuck is that moron talking about?

9:16 - Now rejoining the rest of the world by not taking the scary deluded communist cat guy seriously ever again.

9:17 - Kevie has some breaking news about a candidate named after a breakfast cereal...

9:20 - BREAKING - Minnesota Monitor has just called the race for Bestest Sugar Daddy in the Whole World for the incumbant George Soros!

9:20 - Everybody at the GOP End-o-Campaign party at the Sheritan, Bloomington who is reading this should rub his fuzzy head for good luck.

9:23 - Andy is on the phone with Kevie right now. He has no idea about any of the returns.

9:25 - Andy is telling Kevie that he's desponent because evrybody is ignoring him. HEY - ALL YOU GOP ASSHOLES - TREAT ANDY NICE!!! He worked his butt off for your apparently increasingly ineffectual campaigns.

9:31 - This just in!

The people of Ohio are flaming hate-filled bigoted black-people haters.

(I am using the NonMonkey / Keith Ellison supporter criteria for making that charge.)

9:32 - It smells like ass in here.

9:35 - MINNESOTA MAKES HISTORY...

..by electing the first wispy substance-free self-promoting ineffectual apparition to the Senate.

9:50 - Here's a picture of Kevie picking Stromie's nose on TV:



10:00 - Kevie has called the 5th District race for the candidate that will reflect most poorly on the constituents that elected him. (I was the first to know since he's here in the room with me; so there!)

10:01 - I'm beginning to get a hankerin' for...

NACHOS!!!!

10:04 - No, Andy. You would have gotten better information reading Ecker & Foot's Joint Tactical Strategic Liveblog!

10:09 - Peter Hutchinson: "We kept our noses out of the mud, which is more than I can say for our opponents."

Yeah - because you didn't have enough $$$ to buy any mud in the first place.

10:18 - Kevie's got the news: Cemetaries are trending hard for Hatch.

10:19 - I'm makin' NACHOS!!!!!!

10:49 - I'm back, and I've got NACHOS!!!! No on to some very disturbing news from a couple of Senate races.

10:50 - This news augurs well for the amount of material KAR will have to work with:

We will now get to see what happens when children run the House of Representatives.

11:05 - STROM UPDATE

I think this late hour is getting to Strommie. Get that man some No-doz, stat!



11:06 - DISTURBING NEWS FROM MARYLAND SENATE RACE:

The people of Maryland are a BUNCH OF RACIST CRACKERS!!! Fox News is projeting the lilly white Ben Cardin over The Black Candidate Michael Steele.

Why do Marylanders hate black people???

11:07 - I mean, am I out of line here? If you voted against noted Nation of Islam bobo Keith Ellison , you are some sort of jerkwater moonshine addled Klansman, right?

11:08 - Oh wait. That view is only held by low IQ douchebaggy idiots who have to manufacture a blog name to compensate for their very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very veryvery very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very small penis.

11:09 - Hey everybody! I have an idea for a google bomb!

11:18 - Sisyphus queries:

You guys have nachos? Why wasn't I invited?

Dude, I tried calling, but the line was busy. Must've been sourcing that hot Britney / K-Fed split story.

11:29 - I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

11:30 - OK, the Good news: Michele Bachmann just got elected to Congress.

11:31 - The bad news: we have to be exposed to these mentally deficient, unstabale, obsessive, rediculous stalker/loosers for at least 2 more years.

11:38 - I'm going to take a page out of Eva Young's book and lift this comment thread; cuz it's just so darn satisfying:

My wife and I live in the 1st and we love Stillwater in the summer and fall. If this trend holds we will miss going there the next 2 years.

***

Michele: "Number 1, we have to thank the volunteers!"No mention of God yet, although she just referred to her donors as "the rocket fuel for the mothership."

***

Evil, vile woman. I grew up in Stillwater, and now live elsewhere in the district. A negative campaign against someone who has done no evil has worked. Dammit, Dammit , Dammit.Only bright spot is that we've gotten her out of Minnesota to the minority in DC. She'll embarrass us all on a national level, but her star will fade quickly.Wetterling in 08, 10, 12, whatever it takes.....

***

Uggh the AP has called the race for Bachmann. Guess we better be courteous and congratulate the Crazy Bitch-elect...

Um. Nobody even remotely connected to that slime blog has any business calling anyone a "crazy bitch."

Hey! Looks like Swiftee got unbanned:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHAHA!Freedom wins! Obsessive stalkers lose!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!Heat hot screaming Evangelical fury!
12:03 - Bobo has a proposition for our likely new State Auditor (State Auditor, huh? What is it that the Dems always say about the "fox guarding the henhouse"?...)

12:05 - Say, I have an observation: have you noticed that since the returns started coming in positively for the Dems, there hasn't been a whole lot of talk about all the "problems" and "intimidation" at the polls. This morning it seemed that democracy as we know it was at its end...

12:15 - I've got beer bloat, and I have to work tomorrow. This liveblog is over.

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