Monday, November 13, 2006

OPG: Sitting Pretty

Hi, Obnoxious Packer Guy (OPG) here to report that life is good. And I didn’t even get to see the Pack ritualisticly disembowel the Vikings yesterday. Excuse me while I refresh my glass of Cristal.

Ahh, good stuff. Now, here’s my story: Saturday morning I causally flipped open the sports section and stared in disbelief. I logged onto the internet and confirmed the information on several websites. Well, if Vegas is going to give away free money, I’m getting in line. I took off for my bank, emptied my accounts and put the cash in my carry on. At the airport, the screeners were suspicious that I had bought a last minute one-way ticket to Las Vegas and my only luggage was a bag of cash, but they waved me through when I said “Vikings are giving only three and a half to the Packers”.

Every once in awhile we see this early in the NFL season: the smart money doesn’t quite realize just how historically bad a team is and said team has enough delusional fans betting on them that the point spread becomes a joke. When these rare free money experiences surface, one must be ready to pounce. I didn’t get a hotel room for Saturday night – ALL of my available money was going on the Pack +3.5 over the Vikings (thank God for drink tickets).

I went up and down the strip spreading my bets across several different casinos so as not to bankrupt any one casino (okay, the real reason I placed multiple bets was so that no one ticket would be over the limit that must be reported to the IRS – the IRS can read the paper; if they want a piece of the action, they can make a bet like everyone else). I skipped church, confident that no divine intervention - or retribution - was necessary or warranted.

And, well, the rest is history. Donald Driver made Darren Sharper his bitch, and even the Pack's woeful D in the midst of a rebuidling effort could not out-suck the Vikings vaunted "3 and Out" offense.

Unfortunately, I blew all my winnings on several hundred cases of Cristal -about a week's supply.

Sadly, football handicappers are a fast learning bunch and the Vikings are unlikely to see a single-digit point spread the remainder of the season. But, I struck while the iron was hot and now I’m sitting pretty. Thank you, Brett Favre! Thank you, Packers! And most of all: thank you, Cynical Vikings Guy for the betting strategy.

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