Friday, November 10, 2006

Transcript of the MOB Post-Election Emergency Summit Meeting - PART I

LEARNEDFOOT: Thank you all for coming. I'm sure you all know why we are gathered here today: the impasse of our last meeting with its resulting failure to come up with a "unified message" has indoubtedly caused the electoral disaster we just witnessed. But before we get down to business, I think it would be appropriate if we observed today's famous aniversary and honered those who have died by singing a couple of verses from that now famous hymn. Sisyphus, would you lead us please?

SISYPHUS: Certainly. [Begins singing, the rest join in shortly after.]

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomyyyyyy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came earlyyyyyy

[They all pause in silent reflection]

LF: Thank you, Sis. Now let's get down to business. While I know that there's little need for introductions, I'll just quicky go around the room for the record.

Joining us today are Swiftee, Mayer Andy and Mitch. Atomizer and Chad are both representing the Fraters this time around. There's Kevin, Doug and Dementee. And I've already mentioned Sisyphus. Joining us for the first time is Michael Brodkorb.

MICHAEL BRODKORB: THANKS FOR INVITING ME. Source: me.

LF: Glad to have you. And since this is a super-important meeting, we have the Gravitas Wing of the MOB represented here today by John Hinderaker.

JOHN HINDERAKER: Don't any of you plebes even think of looking at me! I am above you.

ATOMIZER: Point of order!

LF: Yes?

ATOMIZER: Dementee and Mitch are hogging the f**king couch. I need to lie down!

[Fearing that Atomizer will vomit on them, Mitch and Dementee vacate the couch.]

ATOMIZER: [Passes out]

LF: Any other procedural matters?

JOHN HINDERAKER: All you hampsters must address me as "Your Supreme Worshipfulness"!

LF: ...

SIS: ...

KEVIN: ...

CHAD: ...

ATOMIZER: zzzzzzz *hic* zzzzzzz

MITCH: ....

LF: Fine, there's no old business. On to the pressing issue of the day. How could we fail to be so influential on this election? Mitch?

MITCH: I am too filled with such soul-crushing ennui right now to think about it.

SWIFTEE: The lefty's kicked our ass's. How gay.

DEMENTEE: SWIFTEE NOT KNOW HOW TO USE APOSTROPHES!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

SWIFTEE: You want some of this bitch?

DEMENTEE: OH BRING IT MOFO!!!!!!!!!!!!

SWIFTEE: RAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!!

DEMENTEE: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!

[Kevin separates Dementee and Swiftee]

SISYPHUS: We need to stop fighting like this!

ANDY: Eye agreee. Whe ned too cum twogether too take bak teh Congress.

LF: Andy - from what I can decipher - is right. We need some sort of unifying priciple or common antagonist to unite us. Any Ideas. I'd be happy -

[LearnedFoot is interrupted by the opening of the door to the meeting room. Through the door barges...

Eva Young!!!!]

EVA: I was the one who first knew that Drama Queen Michael Brodkorb was MDE. I posted it on my blog. Go read it now!

[The gathered MOB look at each other momentarily stunned.]

To be continued....

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