Friday, December 01, 2006

Liveblogging Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast

IM's watershed 1982 LP Number of the Beast finished first in the voting. Which is good, because I had kind of a jones for it anyway.

I will depart from the traditional "time-stamp" style of liveblogging, and instead post my immpressions track by track. Refresh your browsr early and often.

I shall now press play.

WHOA TOO LOUD TOO LOUD TOO LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop.

Shifting volume. Starting over.

TRACK 1 - "Invaders"

This song represented the first time millions of metal heads experienced the awesome air raid siren stylings of Bruce Dickenson, who took the lead-man reins from Paul "Who's Paul di'Anno?" di'Anno. I imagine the switch was met with a hearty 'Oh hell yes!"

"Invaders" chronicles the the Viking invasion of Saxony in 994 AD. Although IM may be thinking about the Mygar incursions of the same era. In any case, this illustrates that one of the things that makes Maiden great is the amount of research one must do to apreciate their work.

Anyway, here's a sample:

Set ablaze the camp fires,
alert the other men from inland.
Warning must be given,
there's not enough men for a stand.
The Vikings are too many,
too powerful to take on our own.
We must have reinforcements,
we cannot fight this battle alone
.

Alas, the Saxons are beaten:

Axes grind and maces clash,
as wounded fighters fall to the ground.
Severed limbs and fatal woundings,
bloody corpses lay all around.
The smell of death and burning flesh,
the battle weary fight to the end.
The Saxons have been overpowered,
victims of the mighty Norsemen
.

This represented the last time the Vikings ever won anything of any importance....

Decent track. The chorus is pretty lame, though. On to...

TRACK 2 - "Children of the Damned"

Slower song that picks up toward the end. I'm pretty sure it's based on a horror movie that was later parodied in The Simpsons.

Here comes the fast part. Mmm hmmm.

Oh you play 'dat guitar Adrian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRACK 3 - "The Prisoner"

Based on the British TV show of the same name. I dare you to listen to the chorus and not pump your fist in the air.

I am now pumping my fist in the air.

And again...

And again...

Annnnnd...again.

TRACK 4 - "22 Acacia Avenue"

The long anticipated sequel to "Charlotte the Harlot" in which Bruce Dickenson - with his newly aquired power inherent in the role of lead singer of Iron Maiden - attempts to get the eponymous prostitute off the streets:

You're running away, don't you know
what you're doing.
Can't you see it'll lead you to ruin.
Charlotte you've taken your life
and you've thrown it away.
You believe that because what you're earning,
Your life's good, don't you know that you're hurting,
All the people that love you, don't cast them aside.
All the men that are constantly drooling,
It's no life for you, stop all that screwing.
You're packing your bags and you're
coming with me
.

Not sure if he was successful or not. Was there ever a Charlotte the Harlot III?

The CD is paused. Be back shortly.

TRACK 5 - "The Number of the Beast"

OK metalheads, say it with me in that creepy Vincent Price-like voice:

"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea,
for the Devil sends the beast with wrath,
because he knows the time is short...
Let him who hath understanding reckon
the number of the beast for it is a human number,
it's number is Six hundred and sixty six"


Kick azz!!

This song, inspired by a Steven 'arris nightmare, the movie The Omen, the Book of Revelation and - of all things - an incomprehensible Robert Burns poem, earned the band its reputation as devil worshipers among people who can recite the entire Bible from memory but apparently don't have a spare 5 minutes to read song lyrics.

TRACK 6 - "Run to the Hills"

You don't know Iron Maiden. You don't listen to Iron Maiden. You hate Iron Maiden.

But you know this song. You love this song. If only the chorus.

Excuse me.

Ahem

RUN TOOOOOOO THE HILLS!!!!!!!!
RUUUUUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about that.

TRACK 7 - "Gangland"

Audio cocaine.

(Pause) Potty break.

TRACK 8 - "Total Eclipse"

I am skipping this song because I really want to hear...

TRACK 9 - "Hallowed Be Thy Name"

Oh yeah... Testify beeeyotch!

Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time.
Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time.
'Cause at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows pole,


Sing it Bruce!

The sands of time for me are running low.

And here we shall commence the headbanging!

*bangbangbangbangbangbang*

I'm going to try to approximate the lead guitar line here:

doot diddy doot diddy doot diddy doot neener neener neener

(more head banging)

(guitar solos. pumping hand in air with that devil horns thing)

(air guitar)

(jumping up and down)

(more air guitar)

Bobo chimes in.

(more air guitar. all hell breaking loose)

Song is over.

That is rock and roll. Each and every one of the Dixie chicks can shove that up their asses.

I'm pretty amped up now. I think I'll go invade Iran.

This liveblog is over!

No comments: