Tuesday, December 26, 2006

My Dick in a Box and Other Random Post-Holiday ThunderJournalistic Musings

Traffic sucks. Let's phone it in.

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While driving home from Milwaukee yesterday, both Moonchild and I simultaneously released a Richter Scale-measurable burst of flatulence as we passed the IBM building off Highway 52 in Rochester. I have no idea what the connection between the IBM building and window-rattling gastric relief is, but I am sure there is one.

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This Christmas was all about "My Dick in a Box". If you have no idea what that means, or are otherwise frightened about ever getting a present from me, watch this and lay your fears to rest. I'll wait.



Yes, all weekend long everything came back to a Dick in a Box. All presents were exchanged at waist level, and your traditional "Fa la la la la" caroling was replaced by "One: cut a hole in the box." I have it on good authority from an inside source that the members of the cast of the Milwaukee Rep's A Christmas Carol (which, as usual the family attended, and was, as usual, excellent) often tried to crack each other up on stage with nonverbal "My Dick in a Box" references.

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My journey to Lambeau was a religious experience; a beer-soaked gravel-throated Hadj if you will. The stadium was packed, the beer was tasty and the Viking fans in attendance were all massive tools. Yeah buddy, you're real clever shouting "Packers suck" to no one in particular while waiting in line for the john. It was even cooler the 30th time you did it! Wow, I wish I had your cutting-edge smack talk talent.

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Rereading the above, it occurs to me that Vikings fans should be banned from Lambeau, like non-Muslims are barred from entering Mecca. Well, maybe not all Vikings fans; just the brain-dead turds that comprised about 90% of those in attendance last Thursday. Lambeau is too magical a place to have it sullied by a bunch of nimrods whose vocabulary (as far as I could tell) consists of 3 words. It's kind of like emptying a short bus full of retards into the Guggenheim Museum and just letting them run riot around the place.

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I think I'm going to bring up the Viking fan ban at the next Packers annual Shareholder Meeting & Tailgate Party.

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TWO: you put your junk in that box!

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In a comment to this post, Chad takes issue with my juxtaposition of Vince Lombardi quotes with those of Denny "the Sheriff" Green:

How about some Bud Grant and Lindy Infante quotes?

There's an idea. Or, maybe Curly Lambeau and Les Steckel quotes. How about Mike Holmgren vs. Jerry Burns?

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Seats are still available at the poker table for the LearnedFoot New Years Eve Poker, Italian Soul Food, Football and Beer-Be-Back-on-the-Road-Before-the-Amateurs-Are-Out Blowout. Drop me a line if you're interested in attending. This will be the last function I host until MilF 3: Triple_A vs. the Golf Ranger.

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Every single holiday: a dick in a box!

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