Monday, December 11, 2006

Shopping For Boobies

Persuaded by the stunning statistic that there is a 0% chance of breast cancer recurring if you don't have any breast tissue, Mrs. Foot has all but decided to get a double mastectomy. That choice ought to be cemented by Friday after we meet with her surgeon again and with a plastic surgeon he referred us to. Naturally this hasn't been easiest decision for her, since a double mastectomy puts her almost completely out of commission for 3 weeks. And on the heels of that comes the joyous experience of chemotherapy featuring 3 drugs whose chemical composition bears an uncanny resemblance to napalm, Liquid Plum'r and NyQuil respectively. Throw in the spastic horror that lives in our home otherwise known as Moonchild, and one couldn't think of a better way to spend 6 to 7 months.

On the upside, health insurers are required by law to pay for reconstructive plastic surgery following a mastectomy.

On the downside, this almost requires me to say something nice about liberals, who undoubtedly caused that law to come into being.

On the upside, this is my ThunderJournal, so I don't hafta.

On a more important upside - she can pick her size!


We discussed that very topic over dinner the other night. She - not currently very well-endowed (her words) - is thinking about going with a large "B". I seized the opportunity, and suggested "Hey - why not a small 'C'?"

"Because they wouldn't fit into the bra as well," she replied. "At least as a big "B" I'd fill out the cups."


"Well, how about a big 'C', then? Extra perky!"

She told me she'd think about it. I got the feeling she was patronizing me.

In other news, she's been keeping a journal about her ordeal. I've almost convinced her to start a blog on the topic. I suggested a tentative title of "Sparky's Boobie Blog," but later reconsidered figuring that name wouldn't drive the right kind of traffic to her blog.

And while I doubt there are very many moronic letters to newspapers about breast cancer, I'm sure she'd have no trouble coming up with material. Avoiding getting featured in the "Blog House" is also a concern that I'll have to mentor her about.

I'll let y'all know if she joins the ranks of the Great e-Unwashed.

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