Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Soul. Crushing. Ennui.

LEARNEDFOOT: Sorry to have called you to this emergency KAR editorial committee meeting on such short notice, but we have a problem.

NOTORIOUS B.I.L.: Do tell...

LF: Our traffic is sluggish. Yesterday marked the first non-holiday weekday in a real real long time in which we failed to get at least 300 unique hits. Ideas?

DEMENTEE: MAYBE PEOPLE SICK OF POLITICS!!!!! NOT READING POLI-BLOGS FOR WHILE AFTER ELECTION!!!!!!

LF: Yes, that occurred to me also, but our traffic actually rose - or at least remained at pre-election levels - for a while after Election Day. I doubt that's it.

HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA: Um... maybe because the content sucks?

LF: That's always been the case...

HOAG: ...I mean that it's sucking more than usual.

LF: Possibly.

N BIL: I think that it may be due to the lack of decent material.

LF: Could be - perhaps the election acted like a moonbat laxative, causing them all to expel all that pent up rage from the past 6 years in one cathartic movement. Satisfied wit their children running the country, they lack the pent up, uh, emotion, to fire off aa really really dumb letter to the editor.

HOAG: Well if that's the case, how do you explain this? Or this? Oh no, my friend, there is no shortage of smug elitist left-wing bullshit. I think you need to take a good long look at the little fisker inside yourself. Perhaps you have seen the enemy, and it is yourself...

LF: ...

LF: No. No introspection here. Let's just move on to solutions. How do we right this traffic doldrum we seem to be experiencing? Start spitballing.

N-BIL: How 'bout we get Mitch Berg to blog for us?

HOAG: I hear that he's crushingly busy...

LF: No - no personnel moves. We fight with the army we have.

DEM: HOW 'BOUT WEEKLY FEATURE: "BILL'S HOLIDAY GIFT WRAPPING TIPS"???!!!!!!

LF: (Stares blankly at Dementee)

HOAG: (Stares blankly at Dementee)

N-BIL: I think that's a fabulous idea!

LF: (Stares blankly at Bill)

HOAG: (Stares blankly at Bill)

DEM: (Stares blankly)

HOAG: How about we post pictures of hot chicks every -

LF, N-BIL & DEM: (together) NO!!!!!!!!!

LF: Oh despair!!! Are we doomed to a future of such mediocrity?

DEM: HEY!!!!! LOOK THIS!!!!! SAY HERE THAT WEBSITE CALLED "FARK.COM" GET 40 MILLION PAGE VIEW A MONTH!!!!!!!!

LF: !!!!!

N-BIL: !!!!!

HOAG: !!!!!!

DEM: THAT NOT BEST PART!!! BEST PART IS...GUY WHO RUN FARK MAKE 600,000 to 800,000 DOLLAR IN AD REVENUE A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N-BIL: !!!!!!

HOAG: !!!!!!!

LF: $$$$$$$!!!!!!

N-BIL: So what's so great about Fark?

DEM: ME DUNNO!!!!! ALL IT DO IS LINK TO WEIRD NEWS STORIES, WRITE HUMOROUS BLURB AND ALLOW COMMENT!!!!! SOMETIMES HAVE PHOTOSHOP CONTEST (THOSE DEMENTEE FAVORITE)!!!!!!! BASICALLY BUNCH OF COMMENT THREADS!!!!!!!

LF: (Looking at Fark on computer). Yeah. It looks like 95% of the content is contributed by the users. All this Drew Curtis guy does is link to a story, write a one-sentence snark, slap a category tag on it and open a discussion thread.

HOAG: Shit - we can do that!

LF: Gentlemen. I think it's time for another KAR rebranding. We've always had success with our rebranding efforts in the past: The Flavor Aid Report, Blois, The Sad Hummingbird of Sanguinity, Mauve, etc. I think that if we put a creative spin on this concept, we may have something.

I've got a fabulous idea. Stay tuned...

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