Monday, December 18, 2006

Sue-icide Watch: SITUATION CRITICAL!!!!

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ACTION ALERT FROM THE KAR SUSAN LENFESTEY SUICIDE WATCH COMMISSION. ADVISORY IS AS FOLLOWS:

BECAUSE OF DISTURBING NEW INFORMATION THAT HAS RECENTLY COME TO LIGHT, THE KAR SUSAN LENFESTEY SUICIDE WATCH COMMISSION (THE "COMMISSION") HAS RASIED THE SUSAN LENFESTEY SUICIDE THREAT RATING TO ITS HIGHEST LEVEL - RED - AS CAN BE SEEN ON THE PRETTY GRAPHIC IMMEDIATELY BELOW.




AT APPROXIMATELY 1200 HOURS CST THE COMMISSION BECAME PRIVY TO YET ANOTHER DISEASED BRAIN-DEAD CAPRICIOUSLY ARROGANT MISSIVE FROM THE SUBJECT INDICATING THAT NOT EVEN THE SWEEPING ELECTORAL BRAIN FART THAT TOOK PLACE IN EARLY NOVEMBER PROVIDED ENOUGH "HOPE" TO EVEN CRACK A SMIRK ON THE PERPETUALLY ANGRY HARPY'S FACE. GIVEN THIS DISTURBING TURN OF EVENTS, THE COMMISSION HAS DETERMINED THAT THE ONLY POSSIBLE METHOD REMAINING TO SATISFY THIS MIRTHLESS WHACK-JOB WOULD BE TO INSTALL RAUL CASTRO AS DICTATOR OF THE UNITED STATES FOR LIFE. SINCE THE LIKELIHOOD OF THAT OCCURRING - EVEN WITH THE NEW CONGRESSIONAL COMPOSITION - IS SLIM, THE COMMISSION FEARS MS. LENFESTEY HAS BEEN FINALLY PUSHED TO THE UNRECLAIMABLE BRINK.

ANYONE COMING IN CONTACT WITH LENFESTY SHOULD CONSIDER HER MAD AND HUMORLESS. KEEP ALL SHARP OBJECTS, FIREARMS, CARBON MONOXIDE-EMITING VEHICLES AND "WHAT WOULD REAGAN DO?" BUMPER STICKERS AWAY FROM MS. LENFESTEY. SHOULD YOU ENCOUNTER HER WHILE SHE IS STANDING ON A BRIDGE OR HIGH LEDGE, RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO SHOUT "JUMP".

KAR WILL MAINTAIN THIS RED ALERT UNTIL SUCH TIME THE COMMISSION LEARNS THAT LENFESTEY HAS BACKED AWAY FROM THE ABYSS OR - IN THE LESS ENCOURAGING SCENARIO - GONE ON VACATION.

AN A LESS IMPORTANT NOTE, THE COMMISSION WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT KAR BEAT MITCH TO THE PUNCH ON THIS LATEST LENFESTEY DROOLING. THE COMMISSION HASTENS TO ADD: "NEENER NEENER!"

SUSAN LENFESTEY: SHE WRUNG HER HANDS FOR OUR "SINS".

***END ACTION ALERT***

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

just die already...please