Friday, January 12, 2007

Government Of, By, and For the Children

OK, so maybe the Shiny New Glorious Congress may be the most "ethical" and "transparent" "ever" (*snort* *chuckle*). Just don't hold out any hopes for "classy".

Those of you who thought that Keith Ellison would easily breeze to victory for the title of Congressman Who Reflects Most Poorly on His District, might want to take this tool into account:

"The Scene" is an alternative monthly publication read by people all over Northeast Wisconsin. In this month's issue, [Congressman Steve] Kagen is quoted as telling people from the Fox Valley Peace Coalition about some bold things he said in his first meetings with President Bush and Vice President Cheney.

It was just a casual conversation between Congressman Kagen, about a dozen area peace activists, and a freelance writer.

According to the article, Kagen told the group when he met Cheney he said, "Thank you so much for coming to Green Bay and campaigning against me. I couldn't have won without your help."

Oh day-um! You sure pwn3d Cheney! Hey, maybe during your downtime, you could blog for MNPooplius.

Because that's what it's all about right? Pwn!ng your political rival. At least that's what I get from the leftyboogers out there. The highest level a leftyboner can achieve is pwn3rsh!p. It's a virtual pwn3rsh!p society out there in the SiNeStRoSpHeRe.

I do have one or two quibbles about that exquisitely well-crafted and tactful zinger, though: why no hunting jokes? Those are always clever!

And I will assume that Kagan failed to give the Vice President a swirlee, wedgie, wet willie or the Dreaded Rear Admiral was because the hall monitor was present.

Ah, I drone on, distracting from the true genius that is the cutting wit of Congressdork Steve Kagan:

Then he said after meeting the president, he turned to the First Lady and said, "Hi, Barbara, how are ya?" He told the group, "I did that because I learned on the campaign that the meanest thing you can say to another gentleman is, 'He's a fine fellow,' and you then refer to his spouse by a different name."

Excuse me while I put my brain back into my head.

You "learned"... that ... on the campaign?

And just as an aside, I think it would be meaner to point out to your rival enemy how similar his kids look to yourself. But that's just me. I have never campaigned for office and therefore never had the opportunity to learn about such devastating personal slight techniques.

Up until now, I always thought you addressed people who have attained a certain office with a certain amount of detatched respect, regardless of how profound your disagreements were. You address a judge as "your honor", addressed correspondence to congressmen and mayors as "the Honorable", etc. But now I see that profound policy differences absolve you from the obligation to tactfully interact with, well, anyone. Even the Vice President or First Lady.

Oh, I hope I get the opportunity to someday meet this guy. I have a feeling the conversation may start something like this:

"Good evening Congressfuck Douchebag. I just screwed your wife! Ha ha! Pwn3d! Me so clever!"

Action 2 News tried unsuccessfully to reach Congressman Kagen and his staff for comment on the article.

Maybe they were in detention.

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