Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Shorter Eric Zaetsch

Note: The below is parody, and is not really the work of Eric Zaetsch. But the reminder might come in handy:

The Twin Citys's only true newspaper, Vita.mn, or maybe it's Rake, yes, I believe it is in fact Rake, I'm not sure why I mix the two up, I think it's because there're both on racks side by side by side by side by side by side by side by side by side by each other at the bus stop as I go to anti-Bachman organizing group that I will be attending and will be until Michele Bachmann is finally thrown out of ooffice by the sixth district that hates her so very very very very very very very much that there's no chance they'd ever elect her to office, and if she did no wait, the election was last month, wasn't't it? Obfviously the people of the Sixth District are a bunch of loosers who should have listened to the people of Stillwater who hate her so very very very very very very very very very very very much, they hate hate hate her like she's a fungus. Just to prove how much they hate her, let's read this definition of fungus:

Fungi were originally classified as plants, however they have since been separated as they are heterotrophs. This means they do not fix their own carbon through photosynthesis, but use carbon fixed by other organisms for metabolism. Fungi are now thought to be more closely related to animals than to plants, and are placed with animals in the monophyletic group of opisthokonts. For much of the Paleozoic Era, the fungi appear to have been aquatic. The first land fungi probably appeared in the Silurian, right after the first land plants appeared, even though their fossils are fragmentary. Fungi absorb their food while animals ingest it; also unlike animals, the cells of fungi have cell walls. For these reasons, these organisms are placed in their own kingdom, Fungi, or Eumycota.

The Fungi are a monophyletic group, meaning all varieties of fungi come from a common ancestor. The monophyly of the fungi has been confirmed through repeated tests of molecular phylogenetics; shared ancestral traits include chitinous cell walls and heterotrophy by absorption, along with other shared characteristics.

The taxonomy of the Fungi is in a state of rapid flux at present, especially due to recent papers based on DNA comparisons, which often overturn the assumptions of the older systems of classification.[3] There is no unique generally accepted system at the higher taxonomic levels and there are constant name changes at every level, from species upwards. Web sites such as Index Fungorum, ITIS and Wikispecies define preferred up-to-date names (with cross-references to older synonyms), but do not always agree with each other or with names in Wikipedia in its various language variants.

Types of fungi

The major divisions (phyla) of fungi are mainly classified based on their sexual reproductive structures. Currently, five divisions are recognized:

  • The Chytridiomycota are commonly known as chytrids. These fungi produce zoospores that are capable of moving on their own through liquid menstrua by simple flagella.
  • The Zygomycota are known as zygomycetes and reproduce sexually with meiospores called zygospores and asexually with sporangiospores. Black bread mold (Rhizopus stolonifer) is a common species that belongs to this group; another is Pilobolus, which shoots specialized structures through the air for several meters. Medically relevant genera include Mucor, Rhizomucor, and Rhizopus. Molecular phylogenetic investigation has shown the zygomycota to be a polyphyletic group.
Fungus seen under microscope.
Fungus seen under microscope.
  • Members of the Glomeromycota are also known as the arbuscular mycorrhizal fungi. Only one species has been observed forming zygospores; all other species only reproduce asexually. This is an ancient association, with evidence dating to 350 million years ago.
  • The Ascomycota, commonly known as sac fungi or ascomycetes, form meiotic spores called ascospores, which are enclosed in a special sac-like structure called an ascus. This division includes morels, some mushrooms and truffles, as well as single-celled yeasts and many species that have only been observed undergoing asexual reproduction. Because the products of meiosis are retained within the sac-like ascus, several ascomyctes have been used for elucidating principles of genetics and heredity (e.g. Neurospora crassa).
  • Members of the Basidiomycota, commonly known as the club fungi or basidiomycetes, produce meiospores called basidiospores on club-like stalks called basidia. Most common mushrooms belong to this group, as well as rust (fungus) and smut fungi, which are major pathogens of grains.

Although the water moulds and slime moulds have traditionally been placed in the kingdom Fungi and those who study them are still called mycologists, they are not true fungi. Unlike true fungi, the water moulds and slime moulds do not have cell walls made of chitin. In the 5-kingdom system, they are currently placed in the kingdom Protista. Water moulds are descended from algae, and are placed within the phylum Oomycota, within the Kingdom Protista.

Reproduction

Fungi on a fence post near Orosí, Costa Rica.
Fungi on a fence post near Orosí, Costa Rica.

Fungi may reproduce sexually or asexually. In asexual reproduction, the offspring are genetically identical to the “parent” organism (they are clones). During sexual reproduction, a mixing of genetic material occurs so that the offspring exhibit traits of both parents. Many species can use both strategies at different times, while others are apparently strictly sexual or strictly asexual. Sexual reproduction has not been observed in some fungi of the Glomeromycota and Ascomycota. These are commonly referred to as Fungi imperfecti or Deuteromycota.

Yeasts and other unicellular fungi can reproduce simply by budding, or “pinching off” a new cell. Many multicellular species produce a variety of different asexual spores that are easily dispersed and resistant to harsh environmental conditions. When the conditions are right, these spores will germinate and colonize new habitats.

Sexual reproduction in fungi is somewhat different from that of animals or plants, and each fungal division reproduces using different strategies. Fungi that are known to reproduce sexually all have a haploid stage and a diploid stage in their life cycles. Ascomycetes and basidiomycetes also go through a dikaryotic stage, in which the nuclei inherited by the two parents do not fuse right away, but remain separate in the hyphal cells (see heterokaryosis).

In zygomycetes, the haploid hyphae of two compatible individuals fuse, forming a zygote, which becomes a resistant zygospore. When this zygospore germinates, it quickly undergoes meiosis, generating new haploid hyphae and asexual sporangiospores. These sporangiospores may then be distributed and germinate into new genetically-identical individuals, each producing their own haploid hyphae. When the hyphae of two compatible individuals come into contact with one another, they will fuse and generate new zygospores, thus completing the cycle.

In ascomycetes, when compatible haploid hyphae fuse with one another, their nuclei do not immediately fuse. The dikaryotic hyphae form structures called asci (sing. ascus), in which karyogamy (nuclear fusion) occurs. These asci are embedded in an ascocarp, or fruiting body, of the fungus. Karyogamy in the asci is followed immediately by meiosis and the production of ascospores. The ascospores are disseminated and germinate to form new haploid mycelium. Asexual conidia may be produced by the haploid mycelium. Many ascomycetes appear to have lost the ability to reproduce sexually and reproduce only via conidia.

Sexual reproduction in basidiomycetes is similar to that of ascomycetes. Sexually compatible haploid hyphae fuse to produce a dikaryotic mycelium. This leads to the production of a basidiocarp. The most commonly-known basidiocarps are mushrooms, but they may also take many other forms. Club-like structures known as basidia generate haploid basidiospores following karyogamy and meiosis. These basidiospores then germinate to produce new haploid mycelia.

I bet Michele Bachmann will be sponsoring legislation to prevent people from seeing about fungus sexual reproduction, because she's think that sex is icky! But I pasted it above, so she's pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! I Pwn3d You! Hahahahahahahahaha! I bet she wishes she cod send her stormtroopers and also Micheal "The Drama Queen" Brokkorb to try to beat me up, but I will not be silenced!

Just to prove I will not be silence, read this source:

In July 2006, allegations surfaced that Katsav had sexually harassed and raped women. The situation continues to unfold.[3]

On August 22, Katsav's house was raided by police who seized computers and documents. There were calls for him to resign or suspend himself from the presidency. This came only days after Justice Minister Haim Ramon's resignation after police investigation, also over alleged sexual harassment, had led to Ramon's indictment.[4] Katsav was questioned on August 23 ("under warning") by police in connection with accusations of sexual harassment and corruption, including an accusation that he coerced a former female employee into having sex with him.[5] On August 25, the IBA estimated that the police investigation could last months, so that by the time Attorney-General Menachem Mazuz is prepared to decide whether to indict, Katsav's term as president might be over.[6]

On September 7, after concluding the fourth investigation into the matter, and having received complaints from at least four different women (according to IBA's correspondent for police affairs), the Israeli Police "carefully" determined that at this time they had the evidentiary basis for an indictment. On that day, the Judges' Election Committee unanimously approved the appointment of Dorit Beinisch, a woman, as president of the Supreme Court of Israel. Katsav refrained from attending, "to prevent dispute".[7]

On September 13, the Knesset's House Committee approved Katsav's request for a day's leave of absence so that he could refrain from attending and presiding over Beinisch's formal swearing in ceremony, normally held in the presidential compound, now to be held in the Knesset[8]. The Committee's chairwoman, Ruhama Avraham, did, however, advise Katsav to opt for a more lengthy leave.[9]

All that day, Katsav was interviewed by police for the fifth time, from 10:00 am till at least 7:00 pm. Police confirmed that seven women had by now testified against Katsav, and that the allegations now also included "breach of trust, fraud, and involvement in illegal wiretapping".[10]

Speaking on the case for the first time, on September 18, Israel's Attorney General, Menachem Mazuz, stated in an interview that the likelihood of Katsav's claim that he had been made the victim of a plot was "fairly slim," given the "long line of women who complained against him." [11][12] By September 21, the number of women accusing Katsav of sexual assault had risen to eight.[13]

On October 15, 2006, police recommended pursuing rape and sexual harassment charges against Katsav. Complaints by five of the women will not be pursued because the statute of limitations has run out.[14] On October 16, Haaretz reported that Mazuz is expected to adopt most of the police's recommendations and indict the president.[15]

On October 29, 2006, Katsav was advised by Israel's attorney general, Menachem Mazuz, to step down from his presidential duties and suspend himself as long as the possibility of his indictment remains under consideration. Katsav, who continues to deny the allegations, has announced, via his lawyers, that if indicted he will resign.[16][17]

On January 23, 2007 Attorney-General Mazuz announced that he would consider charging Katsav with rape, sexual harassment, breach of trust, obstruction of justice, harassment of a witness and fraud. The president is immune from prosecution while in office, and could only be tried after the end of his term in August 2007 or after his resignation. The final decision on indictment would be made after a hearing where Katsav could present his case. As of January 23, Katsav has declined to resign as president,[18] but has had a three-month leave of absence approved by the Knesset. Parliamentary speaker Dalia Itzik has assumed the office in the interim in a "caretaker" capacity.[1]

Michele Bachmann has never distanced herself from that weird Jewish guy, so she must want to kiss HIM tOoo! OR is it more? Just like Michelle Bachmannnn HEY, did you knjow her husband looks kind of gay? GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY?

oh, wait, is my kyboard scrd up lt m s if the eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEE there, the e ky wroks oh damn, wait a minut

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

There. It works.

Unlike Michele Bachmann.

Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d! Pwn3d!

Finally, I need to add:

glob() is a Unix library function that expands file names using a pattern matching notation reminiscent of regular expression syntax but without the expressive power of true regular expressions. The word "glob" is also used as a noun when discussing a particular pattern, e.g. "use the glob *.log to match all those log files".

The term glob is now used to refer more generally to limited pattern matching facilities of this kind in other contexts. Larry Wall's Programming Perl discusses glob in the context of the Perl language. Similarly, Tcl contains both true regular expression matching facilities and a more limited kind of pattern matching often described as globbing.

Glob is also the name of an Italian television comedy produced by Enrico Bertolino which addresses the language of communication used by the mass media and other such topics. The show offers numerous observations on the poor communication of television journalists.

Like Michele Bachmanan, if she were a journalist, but she's not! Hahahahahaha! She's apolitician that the whole world hate hate hate s htats htwsls htashs thashdflk sadhfadsfjlds fdsalkj;;fdsal;kjfdsa fds;lkjfdsa;lkjfdaslkjs;;;;;;;;;;;;kjfdskljfdsalkjfdslkjfdsa;lkjfdaslkjfdsa;lkjfdsalkj; fdsalkj;slkjfdsa;lkjfdsalfdsakjfdsalkjdfslkj;


See?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why not? Anyway, I was searching for the correct spelling of this idiot's name and found your post. IT'S PERFECT! Long rambling rants on tangents, occasionally circling back to his current topic, or not. I'll be linking to this post asap.

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