Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day

And so it begins.

Earlier this month I told y'all about how I need to learn how to play hockey because my kids were showing in interest in the game. After a little lot of trepidation, I decided to encourage this interest as I saw it as a way to, inter alia, cut down on the number of dance recitals and pee wee soccer matches I might have to attend. However, my initial efforts to begin my long metriculation of the game were stymied by my inability to find skates in my size.

Well, the MOB's foremost Ambassador of Hockey and leading Top Chef fan Peeps came through for me, and loaned me a pair of his old skates (had you listened to NARN on Saturday, you would have heard Mitch make passing reference to this at the beginning of hour 3). And tonight, I will likely lace up skates attatched to my own feet for the first time in 25 years and take to the ice. It should be -

***WE INTERRUPT THIS RELATIVELY BENIGN POST FOR A LATE-BREAKING MORON MAIL!***

This just in: there's a moron on the loose in the Humphrey Institute, and he's writing letters to the Strib!

Strib sinks to blog's level

The Star Tribune's Jan. 24 coverage of the e-mail seeking policy students from the Humphrey Institute to work with Al Franken was below the Star Tribune's standards. It was biased and misleading
.

Some staff member used a state university's e-mail system to send a broadcast e-mail soliciting students to work on the campaign of a possible Democrat Senate candidate.

Was there some fact missing from that? Please tell me how that is unfair? Had that e-mail solicted students to work on Norm Coleman's campaign, you can bet that the Strib would cover that story as well; no doubt prompted by the some 37 breathless and hyperbolic posts that some droolblog like MNPooplius would write about it.

You could also bet that if that were the case, this tool would not have written a letter to Tim O'brien bitching about it.

Its most outrageous claim is that Professor Sally Kenney was using "a taxpayer funded tool not available to competing campaigns. ... It crossed the line into clear advocacy." Not only are we, the students, tools[.]

THE LETTER HAS BEEN REDACTED BY THE EDITOR FOR ACCURACY.

***We now return you to your regularly scheduled moderate and somewhat endearing hockey post, already in progress.***


...rub balm thrice daily on his coccyx.

Anyway, with any new endeavor, one must set realistic goals. In order to make sure that I will be the best hockey dad I can possibly be (minus the violent tendencies and obnoxious favoritism) allowing me to help guide my two spawn to success in that sport should they desire to pursue it, I have made my goals ambitious:

1) (Re)learn how to skate.

2) Recover from injuries incurred while achieving goal #1.

3) Learn how to play hockey well (except for the goalie position, because staying in one place for 60 minutes just seems boring to me). (And what's worse, the place the goalie needs to stay in is called "the crease"; which, to me, conjures all kinds of butt imagery.)

4) Recover from dental surgery.

5) Become proficient enough at the game to enable me to compete at an organized level without embarrassing myself. I'm thinking the next World Pond Hockey Championships would be an appropriate test. Or the one 2 year's hence if I can't log enough ice time this year.

If you are an amateur filmmaker, or just a guy who owns a video camera, this endeavor could provide you enough material to become, at the very least, a YouTube star. Let me know if you want to collaborate on a movie. (I'm serious - this could be comedy gold!)

I know my task seems daunting to mere mortals such as yourself, but keep in mind that I am one of the most natural athletes in the MOB, and therefore am up to this challenge.

But it wouldn't hurt if Chad's skates possessed magical properties.

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