Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Sad Haiku of Synchronicity 3

2, could be best song ever.
Here is video:

The Sad Haiku of Synchronicity 2

Hope to score tickets
At general sale. Will they
Play Miss Gradenko?

Moron Mail

LearnedFoot's Third Law of Alarmist Rhetoric:

For every moderately phrased challenge to the global warming orthodoxy or its primary messenger, there is a violently shrill, incessant and opposite reaction.

Yesterday we had the fruitball who was offended by an online Fun Poll. Today, A Glorious Environmental (environMENTAL?) Hero must hammer down an up-sticking nail that dinged Super Benevolent Green Warrior Al "$30,000 Electric Bill" Gore:


If it was so predictable, why din't you send this letter sooner?

Katherine Kersten's appraisal of Al Gore ("U of M afflicted with Al Gore fever," Feb. 26) was nothing more than her stock in trade -- a litany of smugly snide and thoroughly bogus right-wing talking points.


Sorry, I was laughing so hard at that last phrase that I was late hitting the Irony Alert button.

Gore has been a congressman, a senator and a vice president, he has won the popular vote in a presidential election and is now championing a cause supported by 90 percent of the world's scientists.

And George W Bush has been a governor, the president, the winner of the popular vote, an oilman and a baseball team owner. So applying your logic, I guess that he is qualified to lecture on particle physics. Right?

I challenge Kersten to name a more qualified person in public life,

Oh oh! I can! I can!

William Gray.

Richard Lindzen.

There's two. I could name more...

and I challenge the Star Tribune to name a less qualified columnist to question his accomplishments.

Hey! I can do that one too:

Nick Coleman


Doug Grow


The Sad Haiku of Synchronicity

Ten o'clock: presale
Tickets for sale. Ten-oh-one:
Gone. Kick in the crotch.

Closed Circuit to Alan Greenspan


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Top 11 Actual Moonbat Reactions to Cheney Assassination Attempt

This was extremely difficult to cull down to just 11.

11. ...damn, they missed!

10. I’m planning to take a shit on his grave when he’s gone.

9. Too bad. Had the lunatic succeeded, he would have been doing us a service.

8. Dr. Evil escapes again...damn!

7. Cheney Unhurt; World Disappointed.

6. I hope he's alright (sarcasm)

5. that's too bad that would solve half of our problem (maybe the biggest part of it)

4. Will they find “dick” written all over Cheney’s coffin in 2000 years? I got my crayons and chisels laid out, Whatever it takes.

3. Better luck next time!

2. If at first you don't succeed...

1. "Cheney's spokeswoman said he was fine" Fuck.

(Sources here here here here)


I'm not a big fan of Minnesota Democrats Exposed. Oh, don't get me wrong: I like the exposer himself, Mike Brodkorb, just fine. But I have very little interest in inside baseball politics, the dirt dredging on local politicos few of whom I'd ever heard of before, and Brodkorb's tendency to beat picayune stories into the ground or republish GOP press releases wholesale.

However, I love - no make that L.O.V.E. - watching the reaction he provokes from the 15 or so interchangeable lefty droolers around here when he posts a story that hits close to the target. The tizzy fits. The spasms of indignant rage. The name calling. The law suits. The entertainment value offered by his detractors more than compensates for the rather dry writing and uninteresting (to me) subject matter. But, for a guy who has been called every name in the book from "stupid" to 'liar" to "hack" to "stupid lying hack," the sheer amount of bandwidth that these nimrods devote to discrediting him tends to belie their common thesis. Attempts to fabricate their own, lefty versions have yielded results ranging from "failure" to "abject failure" to "you're kidding me, right?". And, most importantly, their sputtering nonsense has provided KAR reams of material in the past.

So I was uplifted this morning when I made one of my infrequent visits to MDE and was rewarded.

As is to be expected, the DFLic party is none to happy with MDE, and it wants to rein in the sheep.

They even wrote a memo (well, broadcast e-mail to the faithful anyway).

Guess who got forwarded a copy?

I want to bring up an issue that some of our potential candidates, and some elected officials and democratic [not capitalizing the "D" is a sign of disrespect! -ed.] activists need to avoid at all costs. No one should ever communicate with, email, go on talk shows with, or give any attention to Michel Brodkorb aka MDE. If it is not clear enough by the title of his blog, it should be clear by now that he is a paid operative of the MN Republican party [this is either a lie, or a mistake caused by brain damage incurred while reading MNPooplius. And if any of you moonbats would like to argue that point, be prepared for a response consisting mainly of a 4-hour lesson on verb tenses. -ed.], has no interest in listening or debating issues, promoting topics that benefit democrats in anyway, and should never be responded to directly.

BRODKORB: Can I buy you a beer?


BRODKORB: Those are nice shoes, where did you get them?


BRODKORB: For fun, Democrats like to shove gerbils up their butts while listening to Seals and Crofts albums. To confirm this statement, say absolutely nothing.


There have been a number of examples of things, that don't need to be brought up right now (heck, this email will probably end up in his inbox somehow), [heh --ed.] but by dealing with him with any assumption of 'gain' can only enable MDE's arguments. If a story needs to get out there, there are plenty of high-traffic progressive blogs that should be used for any Democratic talking points/scoops, all of which would love to hear from anyone.

But if it's dirt on a sufficiently liberal DFLic candidate, don't count on it ever seeing the light of day...

There is an argument to be made that some of his attacks need to be responded to, but he still should never be dealt with directly. If his attacks are coming from his blog, then find a friendly progressive blogger out there to talk to and let your side out through. If MDE is attacking someone on the radio, then call up the local progressive radio station.

Ah. The marketplace of ideas, DFLic Party style.

Heck, if you have a democrat [again, not capitalizing the 'D" makes you look like - what's the word they like to use? - oh yeah: an "asshole" --ed.] you want to hit in a primary season, please go to one of the progressive bloggers for even that, no need to give this paid GOP opposition researcher any freebees. Plus commenting on his blog, or any other form of direct communication lends him credibility he does not have.

As opposed to the credibility of some of your more well-trafficked leftyboners.



Here are some traffic stats, just so it can be made clear that if a message needs to get out, there are good places to go:

Pageviews per week:

Minnesota Monitor - around 12000

Apparently, that rule about the adverse effects on one's credibility from being a paid operative no longer applies.

Minnesota Campaign Report - around 6000

MN Publius - around 6000

Now there's credibility!

MARK KENNEDY: [Gets off flight from Washington at Minneapolis International Airport]



I wish I had that kind of cred.

Oh, and while were at it: MNPooplus and that other CrapBlog are getting 6000 page views a week, and all KAR gets is a lousy 3,000???

What the hell is the matter with you people? Get on the stick!


There are other high traffic progressive blogs, [unfortunately they can't be listed here because their content consists of little more than the word "fuck" --ed.] but that should make the point. Working or even communicating with MDE is enabling him and his side, please try to avoid any communication with him, and please let your elected official or candidates you may be helping in the future know that if he calls, just hang up. Remember, he is NOT an independent blogger by any stretch of the imagination, he is a paid republican operative with the goal of destroying democrats [DAMN YOU!!!! Why -oh why -do you refuse to capitalize the "D", you insulting prig???!!!! -ed.] and our friends. No need to feed the beast.

Yet MNPooplius is refreshingly independent! I can't wait to see their post endorsing Norm Coleman for reelection.

So what if MDE is getting paid or not? The title of his blog is "Minnesota Democrats Exposed". Not real ambiguous. Does it really matter if you're biased out of passion or obligation to your employer? On the other hand you have paid and unpaid DFLic bobos posting on blogs with titles like "Centrisity" and "Minnesota Monitor".

Eat shit. A hack is a hack is a hack is a hack.

Please, DFLic: tell me more about this "credibility" of which you speak. It seems very different than the version I was brought up on.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Reader / Moron Mail

I just received the following e-mail from someone who does not like the methodology behind the current KAR-Opinion Dynamics Insta-Poll regarding Mayor Andy's job performance:

Dear Mr. Foot:

Your current poll asks readers: "What is your opinion of Mayer Andee's performance thus far?" The choices of response are:

* Strongly approve (13%)

* Somewhat approve (0%)

* Somewhat disapprove (6%)

* Strongly disapprove (27%)

* Andy's fuzzy head turns me on (6%)

* Andy's fuzzy head does not turn me on (23%)

* Andy's fuzzy head may be fetching, but he's not nearly as attractive as LearnedFoot (25%)

In the history of slanted polls, this one really takes the cake. Here is a guy, a former BPOU chair and the winner of the popular vote for Mayor in 2006, who has completely remade his career by showing conservatives how they can step up to the plate and retake the GOP from the RINOs.

The war against the RINOs is on the front burner for the first time - thanks to Andy, who's talking about a very important subject. But you had to go and load the poll with a lot of negative answer choices just to dilute any responsive positive toward Andy's administration.

If KAR were to poll people educated on the issue of RINOs in the GOP, I guarantee you would get different answers.



I am flattered that a reader would take this poll - and its results - so seriously, but I think the writer here misunderstands its purpose. This was all done for a little fun. These types of "take-all-comers" types of poll generally don't reflect the *snort* the, uh... *pfft* public, er... *chuckle*

OK. I wrote that letter. Andy's mom didn't really write me to complain about the fairness of this completely superfluous parody opinion poll about Andy's popularity (though Andy should note that his numbers are way way down at Mayor Bogus Doug levels).

On the other hand this tool was serious:

On Feb. 22, a "instant poll" asked readers: "Should the U of M give Al Gore an honorary doctorate?" The choices of response were:

* Yes. He's done important work to save the environment (36 percent).

* No. He's a master of junk science (62 percent).

* Don't know (2 percent).

In the history of slanted polls, this one really takes the cake.

Actually, you'll note that this poll is infinitely fairer than the Mayor Andy Approval Rating Poll, in that the Stribs poll offered one positive, one negative and one neutral answer choice. The only way that Andy could get a positive approval rating, given what I know about KAR's audience, was if he cheated.

And this guy doesn't really think that the Strib's institutional opinion of Al Gore's crusade comports with this poll's result? If he does, we have a frontrunner for Moron of the Year.

Here is a guy, a former vice president and the winner of the popular vote for president in 2000, who has completely remade his career, showing the country how to step up to the plate to do something.

At the State Fair back in August, I ate 3 - THREE - deep fried Snickers Bars on a stick. That was "doing something" too.

The University of Minnesota, one of the top research institutions in the world, is interested in perhaps awarding this man an honorary doctorate. Considering all of the hundreds of people in this country who have received honorary doctorates over the years, I think Gore ranks right up there.

Did Yassir Arafat ever get an honorary degree? If he did, I imagine he kept it right next to his Nobel Peace Prize.

The environment is on the front burner for really the first time -- thanks to this man, who's talking about an extremely important subject.

And if they awarded honorary degrees for excessive hype, fear mongering and stiffling other opinions, I'd say he should have a whole wall full of them by now.

"Even though you have a PhD in climate science, your contrary opinion to this BA in Journalism (and 2-time grad school dropout) is heresy akin to the most stuborn holocaust denier!"

If the Star Tribune were to poll people educated on the issues of the environment, I guarantee you would get different answers.

Ah yes. Whenever you write on this subject, you always must close with the "I'm smart; you're all dumb" flourish of condescention.


Writing because anything -ANYTHING (including a stupid little unsampled flash poll) - that even appears to be spitting in the eye of their well-crafted message must be squashed by the true believers immediately!

(Appologies to Andy's mom.)

Friday, February 23, 2007

Rait teh Mayers Proformence

Andy is now - what? - 5 months into his term as Mayor of the MOB. Here is a rundown of his accomplishments so far:

* He has failed to appoint a cabinet;

* He has failed to deliver the Constitutionally mandated State of the MOB address;

* He kicked Joe Tucci off his blog for no reason;

Now that you have been adequately informed, KAR's Opinion Dynamics Division wants to know how well you think he's executing his mayoral duties. We have commissioned a poll, which you may find atop the sidebar on the right. One vote per compooter per day.

Don't Go Changing

Oh, how I love the Star & Sickle and the good works they perform daily. No other publication sheds light on the vacuous nature of the anti-W brigade and the Letter of the Day today is no exception.

Even the headline writer gets into the act: Privilege shields certain American youth

From Thursday's news: "Prince Harry, the third-in-line to the British throne, will be deployed to Iraq, the Ministry of Defense said today."

As the Brits offer up their youth
[sounds like a human sacrifice…’Bring me the sultry bitch with the fire in here eye.” (Extra credit points to the first to name the move containing that line)] -- without regard for family privilege -- to fight in George W. Bush's war, the president's own military-age daughters are as removed and oblivious to their father's carnage as Bush was during Vietnam [Can we get a new song? I’m really tired of this one]. Like Cheney, he had "other priorities [like flying fighter jets at home and being turned down for duty in Viet Nam because the plane he flew was being phased out]."Shared sacrifice" means much more than slapping a "support the troops" bumper sticker on your vehicle.

Americans who support this war, and have military-age children who are not serving in Iraq, are hypocrites. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are quite willing to send other people's children into harm's way, but unlike the Brits, their own privileged children seem absolved from "suffering for the sins of their fathers."


Paul Bartlettmeprovewhatafuckknobiam is a typical example of the brain-dead Left – sorry for the redundancy. He makes a weak argument and supports it with evidence that is completely and totally irrelevant to the argument he attempts to make.

The charge: W and Cheney are hypocrites

The evidence: they “send other people’s children himto harm’s way” but they don’t send their own.






Please don't change Star & Sickle, the material you provide is too good and must be shared with the masses.

Atmospheric Disturbance

From the KAR AccuWeather Eye on the Sky StormTrack Counter Blizzard Unit:



Thursday, February 22, 2007

Moron Mail: Karaoke Edition


Ya' know, I'm old hat at this. Since I've had so much experience with today's Moronic Correspondent, I'll keep my comments to a minimum and open the floor to the amateurs out there to fisk this hippo:

I believe that Craig Westover ("Embarrassed by Bachmann's votes for conservative values? Hardly," Feb. 16) owes Karl Bremer an apology. Rather than addressing the issues about Michele Bachmann's legislative record that Bremer raises in his column, he refers to the column as "yapping" and makes other ad hominem attacks on Karl Bremer. The other points he made criticizing Bremer used straw-man arguments which misrepresented what Bremer actually said.

What's this? One whole graf with no self promotion? Her game is slipping.

He often criticizes the "Dump Michele Bachmann" blog for being uncivil.

Aha! Traffic's down again, isn't it, Eva?

I think this column shows that he is throwing stones from a glass house. It's interesting that the column as written got through an editor.

Funny, I could say the same...



Have at it KAR-Nation.

Oh, and:


UPDATE: WELCOME DROOLING IMBICILES!!!!!! Are you really that concerned what little old me has to say that you feel the need to e-mail it to everybody in the Mental Midget's Club every. single. time. I write something that may have to do with you mouth-breathers?

[Waving] Hi Eric!!!!! How about an indecipherable comment? Those are funny!

[Waving harder] Hi Bill! Still being unfairly treated and surrounded by... uh, surrounded by...

What were you surrounded by again?

Oh yeah:

William Prendergast is a man who has been unfairly treated his whole life. Surrounded by bigots and morons, Prendergast fights an endless struggle to improve the sorry little planet we all inhabit. An attractive, urbane, cultured and witty individual,Prendergast will one day be recognized as the national treasure he truly is.

If you don't like being surrounded by bigots and morons, why are you still hanging out with Eva and the Short Bus Gang?

Get back to me on that. And...

Read my blog!

Louis, Louis, he’s gonna go now

Let’s all shed a tear – I know Keith Ellison is – for Louis Farrakhan. The word is that he is scheduled to make his last major address on Sunday, the day the real God set aside for rest.

Here’s the story, sorta:

DETROIT (AP) - Nation of Islam leader[and hero of Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison] Louis Farrakhan is heading into what's billed as his final major address Sunday, and some Muslims are wondering if the fiery orator - now slowed by poor health - will try to repair old divisions between his movement and mainstream Islam.

Sniff, sniff. I’m going to miss the anti-Semitic, racist pig.

The 73-year-old Farrakhan was released last month from the hospital after undergoing a 12-hour abdominal operation [performed by a team of surgeons made of up Jews and white devils] to correct damage caused by treatment for prostate cancer.

His closest brush with the political mainstream probably came in 1995, when he attracted hundreds of thousands of black men to Washington for the Million Man March. [It was at the march that future congressman Keith Ellison, himself black and Muslim, was heard to say, “If I were a chick, I’d let him do me now. I want so much to be his love slave, to have him fill me with his seed that it might grow within me and produce a new generation of Jew haters.”]

The Nation and orthodox Islam diverge on several key beliefs. While mainstream Islam holds that Muhammad was God's last prophet, Nation of Islam had taught that God came in the form of Fard decades ago in Detroit [and was mugged, shot and left for dead by the Nation’s believers shortly after arriving].

A sign of his softer approach came in 2005, at a Washington rally for the Millions More Movement. Unlike the Million Man March a decade earlier, which was for black men only, the rally was open to men and women of all races. [Farrakhan did this, he later said, because he thought it was only right to have the Jewish and white devils in attendance so he could spew his venom at them directly. He was tired of the media soft selling how much he truly hates non-brothers.]

So long you hate-filled bastard, may God, not Fard or Allah or any other made up deity, have mercy on your worthless soul.

Have Retired Edwards Campaign Bloggers Found Something to Do With Their Free Time?

Via Dementee:

SANTA FE — The Roman Catholic Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi was evacuated during noon Mass on Ash Wednesday when three CD players duct-taped to the bottom of pews began blaring sexually explicit language.

The players were set to turn on at 12:22 p.m. as parishioners were in the middle of Mass, police Capt. Gary Johnson said.

The recordings were filled with people using foul language and "pornographic messages," Johnson said. He would not elaborate because of the ongoing investigation.

Church staff personnel removed the CD players, took them to the basement and called police, who sent a bomb squad, Johnson said.

The bomb squad blew up two of the players on a grassy area near the church, then kept the third one for analysis after determining the players were not dangerous.

The recordings were made on store-bought blank discs, Johnson said.

"We'll run the full gamut" of tests on the player, including checking for fingerprints or DNA and tracing its components, he said


Hope the cops will be wearing body condoms when they do the DNA swab.

American Idol Season 6 Wrapup

Whew! Where has the time gone? I've been so busy that I am over a week late with my annual post-finale American Idol season in review. So please accept my apologies, and let's get on with the AI Season 6 Review after the jump...

Oh yeah. I'm using a free ThunderJournal hosting service. I can't do that.

Anyhoo on with the show (for the uninitiated, you can read my Season 5 in Review, here)...

Bogus Doug summed up Season 6 nicely not too long ago in haiku:

Some singers amaze
Yet this is not our focus
Amusing fools charm

Indeed. Except for that first line.

Yes, Season 6 had it all: the dizzyingly inept, the humorously talentless and the deludedly awful. And then there were some folks who could hold a note. Those people, I think, won a trip to Hollywood or something. I am happy for them.

The production quality was up this year. The producers offered us AI aficionados the comfort of consistency by opening and closing each audition round with the more pitiful examples of "talent" that strode the the audition room door. And after these extremely entertaining auditions ended we were treated to some of the best insults (or in the case of Paula Abdul, slurred Lewis Carroll-like nonsensical happytalk) of the show. As a genius twist, the folks behind the scenes wedged one of the doors to the audition room shut, causing much hilarity to ensue.

As usual, the material that was sandwiched in between each show's opening and closing disasters tended to be hit-and-miss. Sometimes you would get the guy or gal who was actually convinced that he or she had serious T.A.L.E.N.T., only to sound like a baby seal being clubbed to death with bagpipes. When reality struck in the form of Simon Cowell, the meltdowns were always epic. You could almost see the hubris leaving their bodies (right up until these fools smashed their greels into the door that wouldn't open - HA!).

Unfortunately these entertaining vignettes were offset by singers who actually sounded a little like Mariah Carey, Justin Timberlake or some other cookie-cutter disposable pop hero, causing this AI fan to snooze through at least 6 or so auditions. This is a production error that the producers ought to fix, because on more than one occasion, I almost didn't rouse myself in time to see some talentless fat chick dropping f-bombs on Simon left and right, or the one scary guy that looked like he was going to assault the acerbic Brit, but was hauled off by security before he could.

My other major complaint is that, for the 6th straight year, nobody sang an Iron Maiden song. My guess is that their songs are just "too big" for your typical wannabe pop star.

But all in all, this season was littered with enough corpses of overblown egos to make it worthwhile. I eagerly look forward to next season when we can once again enjoy the inspiring spectacle of the high being brought low, and the semi-talented winning a trip to SoCal.

Although, you'd think a show this popular could at least spring for a better travel package prize for the winners. Like Orlando or something.

Eh, just thinking out loud. Anyway, until my breakdown of American Idol Season 7 next year: keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for your butt!

Pure Genius


Just awesome:

I'm sure there's some enterprising Viking fan out there right now feverishly trying to do the same thing with the Packers' infamous 4th and 27.

If he can figure out how to play Techmo Bowl...


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's Funny 'Cuz It's True

In an effort to push Dementee's last disgusting post to the bottom of the page as quickly as possible, I present this:

Losing his virginity

Hollywood is filled with whores. Not that this is news to anyone, but I’m amazed at how easily Hollywood’s elites will pull their schwanzstuckers from one politician’s sphincter and shove it into another’s without giving a thought to the ass they just abandoned.

David Geffen is just the latest example of how Hollywood pricks that have found a new warm and stinky hole to call home. For most of a decade Geffen, along with most of the rest of the Whoreywood crowd fought mightily to be the first in line to give Bill and Hillary anal tongue darts. My, how things have changed now that a black man is in the race (hold the charges of racism).

The worshipers of diversity, the environment and all things Socialist, are the most transparent of sorts. Without Obama in the hunt, Hillary would be getting daily breast massages from the same phonies who want nothing to do with her today. If Hill gets the nod next year, I guaran-damn-tee Geffen et. al., will fall all over themselves to tell the world what a wonderful leader she would make.

If that happens, Hillary will have to do one hell of an impersonation of Marilyn Chambers to handle all the pricks coming at her then.

For now, however, Obama is the John of the day. Not because Whoreywood is enamored with his policies – although they are – but because he’s young, smart, and articulate and, yes, black. And the elites in the “entertainment capital” love to be seen with the latest fashion.

They love him for all the reasons Joe Bieden highlighted a couple of weeks ago, they are simply incapable of admitting it.

When I think about it, this is no different than going to the zoo to see the traveling exhibit. It’s really cool to look at, but it’s only around for a short time and, in the end, you find yourself in front of the monkey cage watching them fling poop at each other and at you.

(For those who are wont to brand me a racist, notice how Obama is the traveling exhibit not the monkey)

Hang in there Hill, your friends are going to “ride” Obama for as long as they can and when they cum to their senses, you’ll get sloppy seconds.

Just like you got when they pulled out of Bill.

LEARNEDFOOT BLANCHES: OK, this is just gross...

Curriculum Vitae

Hello? University of Minnesota? Remember me?

Of course you don't. Allow me to tell you a little about myself.

I graduated from your fine institution in 1996. After briefly toying with the idea of going to J School there, I made the correct decision and opted instead for a liberal arts course of study, majoring in Anthropology (with an emphasis in archaeology). I immersed myself in the whole spectrum of liberal arts, taking courses in medieval history, criminology, English linguistics, biology, to name a few. And of course, I enrolled in a generous smattering of courses within my major like Physical Anthro, Cultural Anthro and a host of regional and "method and theory" Archaeology courses. I completed the required coursework to earn a Bachelor of Arts, and you bestowed upon me a sheepskin memorializing that fact.

I should also mention that some of the other courses I took were geology (a/k/a "rocks for jocks," though I doubt any of those jocks got an A in it as I did), oceanography, and my senior thesis topic had to do with the paleoethnobotany and animal husbandry (impressive, huh?) of an obscure prehistoric site in South America.

OK, stop yawning. I'll get to the point.

Those courses in general, and the paleoethnobotany thang in particular, taught me a great deal about historical (and prehistorical) climate change. How the data is gathered from a number of sources, the relative strengths and weaknesses of those sources, how to interpret that data and how to pick out clues of adaptations to the climate from the material culture left behind as found in archaeological excavations.

In other words, I have a certain amount of cred when I talk about such things. Now, I'm not saying that I'm special or anything. There are many who majored in, took more coursework in, or have an advanced degree in atmospheric or earth science who know way way more than I do. I may not be up to their level of understanding, but I do possess a level of cred several degrees above (excuse the pun) your typical lefty douchebag blogger who forms his own opinion on the matter based solely on the uncritical reading of sources coming solely from a single side of the issue to which he is sympathetic, and who simply won't shut up about it. I possess enough cred to be able to point out that some of the evidence offered by the man-made global warming crowd doesn't prove what they think it proves (as is the case with whoever wrote the global warming entry on wikipedia and included this chart.)

On the other hand, there's a guy running around the country who received a BA in Journalism, and dropped out of graduate programs in law and divinity. Knowing what I know about the curriculum for J School and law school, and what I can safely assume about divinity school, I am doubtful that this shmuck has anything approaching the background I have regarding climate science, let alone the thousands who have much much much more. He basically flies around the country shooting more carbon gases into the atmosphere in a day than I do in a year, lectures about the Coming Catastrophe based on nothing more than what he gleans from the most hysterical "scientists" that have his ear and computer models - some of which are already being proved wrong within a geological nanosecond from their conception. Oh yeah, and he starred in a movie which featured an animation of an artist's conception of a polar bear drowning after the ice floe it's standing on melts from underneath him. As if that is "proof" of anything.

And you want to give this jerk an honorary doctorate? He didn't even attend the U of M.

But I did.

So I will humbly accept an honorary doctorate in the name of those who are being compared to Holocaust Deniers because they stubbornly insist on applying actual scientific methods, have a geologically historic (and prehistoric) perspective, and who do not accept computer models prophesying doom as proof.

(Unless you are just doing this to make Al Gore feel better about not having earned as many advanced degrees as I have. If that's the case, I suppose I could let it slide. I can handle it. I'm an adult.)

Open Thread to Express Disgust at the Comments Left by Swiftee in His Open Thread

Over-inflated righteously indignant grandstanding only, please.

Open Thread for Swiftee

Swiftee just got banned from commenting on a leftyblog for the 100th time!

As a reward for the tightly-wound biker-dude, I offer this thread to post all the comments he can no longer post on those blogs that few people read anyway for fear of an aneurysm.

Swiftee only, please. All others will be banned or ridiculed at Admin's discretion.

Great Googly Moogly

To whomever just arrived here as a result of this google search:

Please get help.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Open Thread for Sisyphus

Because he's America's Sweetheart!

(And because the interloper is safely out of the country.)

Sis only, please.

Dumpster Diver Comment or Stone Temple Pilots Song?

Three of the following four quotations are lyrics by the greatest alt-rock band of all time, the Stone Temple Pilots. One of them is an actual comment left on a Captain Fishsticks thread by a member of Obsessive Stalker-Looser's cadre. Can you guess which ones are the drug-fueled hallucinations of Scott Weiland and which is the (????)-fueled ravings of a Dumpster Diver?

A) Kickin as Im tryin to sleep, I got the mud beaneath my shoes. Rubber band, rubber band, gun in hand, gun in hand I wanna use.

Roamin, roamin, roam. Get away, gotta get away. And I think I think too much -
I dont care, yeah and I don't care. Roamin, roamin, roam. Get away, gotta get away. And I think I think too much.

Trippin as Im thinkin about a boy, his name was Sue. He's a man, he's man -Crackerman - crackerman, he's a woman too

B) One time a thing occured to me: Whats real, and whats for sale? Blew a kiss and tried to take it home. It isn't you, isn't me, search for things that you can't see. Going blind, out of reach somewhere in the vaseline.

Two times and it has rendered me punch drunk and without bail. Think I'd be safer all alone. Flies in the vasoline we are; sometimes it blows my mind, keep getting stuck here all the time

C) Craig you are a tired old man with tired ideas which you repeat incessantly and uninterestingly.

Attacking Karl Bremer, who writes far better than you, shows you to be a Michele Bachmann attack dog who she uses because she wants to play victim instead of aggressor.

You are one of her facilitators.

Go to Marcus. Get treatment for assuming the facilitator role.

You are blowing secondhand smoke even when not writing directly about secondhand smoke.
And, sir, you are the one with the vendetta, unhappy because Karl's often called you Bendover instead of Westover.

I understand Michele Bachmann won the election in MN 6 because of demographics in MN 6, and she and Col. Kline are all you have now because Ramstad likely does not want you on his side or near it; but the election, nationwide, is the state of truth for now. Accept that...

Michele Bachmann is less a "conservative" than a homophobic self-promoting shallow individual sponsoring an intelligent design bill to corrupt public education, the continuation of which she appears to oppose while wasting everyone's time wanting to entrench faith healing as if it were medicine, name stuff after Ronald Reagan, and register stillbirths. Her legislative triumphs while in the State Senate for six years.

Yet, she pats your head and scratches your ears and says, "Good voucherman. Nice voucherman." And you roll over and show your belly

D) Regenerate the impoverished souls that echo you. Bleed to feed the masses, soup line two times two. They got your picture from the Sunday Plain Dealer that listed you (dead). Forget the story. There's a bounty on your head - they fingered you!

Right away. Right away. Green light. Get a move on. Right of way, right of way. Stop sign, put the brakes on!

Positive cell regeneration.

Positive cell regeneration.

Celebrate the immortal youth that wasted you. Peel the skin back from all the lies that blistered you. They hold for ransom all the watered down truths that splintered your faith. So sell your soul, because youre already dead - They've listed you.

To the fields where lesser mice go.

To the fields where men follow.

To the fields where lesser mice go.

To the fields where we all follow.

(Answer can be found here.)

We've Evolved from Couch Potatoes into You-Tubers

Now that I have my second straight Blog Post Title of the Year Award locked up, here's Chad Vader 6:

CLOSED CIRCUIT TO MADISONIANS: Your mayor is the worst actor in the history of the universe.

Monday, February 19, 2007


BUMPED TO THE TOP: Don't forget to bring a pitcher o' grape flava for the 'bats visiting Kline's office tomorrow!

Moonbats who did not receive enough attention as children will once again be drooling on John Kline's home district office:

Each Tuesday, consituents of District 2 will go to John Kline's Burnsville office and request a forum on this issue. This is our only avenue to be heard. We won't change the mind of this Congressman, at least not now, but if real people bring real voices to the table... it will have an effect.

If you feel powerless and frustrated about this war, do something. Bring your voice and your concerns to Kline's Congressional office next Tuesday morning at 9am:

101 W. Burnsville Pkwy #201
Burnsville, MN 55337

Something must be done to stop these self-important know-nothing anachronisms from trying to relive (recreate) their heady Vietnam protestin' days!!!!!

Unfortunately I have a mortgage, a seriously ill wife that requires gobs of health insurance, and two pshychotic children - in other words, a "life". And while the existence of idle minds and hands who apparently achieved enough in their lives to enable them to continue to engage in a pointless activity that wastes the time of all involved validates my view that this is the greatest nation on Earth, I need to go to work. Therefore I am calling on any available KAR-Nationals to do the following:

* Infiltrate the moonbats at Kline's office.

* Carry a sign that reads something like "Do Me For Our Children" or "The Anti-Nuclear Union of Students Demands Withdrawal!"

* Serve the moonbats Kool Aid.

* Give Nick Coleman noogies.

* Demand that the moonbats grant you a forum for you to tell them your opinion on patchouli.

Anybody that sends me a picture of any the above gets a KAR Thong.

This is our only opportunity to speak truth to the deluded. We won't change the minds of these imbeciles, at least not now, but if real people bring real insulting sight gags to the will have the effect of entertaining our readers.

Non monkey on education

Non Monkey is, quite simply, too simple-minded to be taken seriously, but take him we must.

While reading the Sunday installment of his keyboard bile, I was taken to let loose with a gigantic fart. My wife blamed Saturday night’s chili, but I’m convinced my brain produced a large quantity of methane as it broke down the shit Coleman was shoveling.

In his crosshairs, again, was Don “Burn Down the Schools” Samuels:

Don Samuels has apologized for his words, but not his views. And he isn't likely to. For the Fifth Ward City Council member from Minneapolis who suggested burning down North High School is not just one man with an opinion.

Here’s the first shovel full of shit: If Coleman believes Samuels actually wants to burn down North High then he has proven himself to be an ignoramus incapable of identifying hyperbole when he sees it. This is highly possible. After all, I can’t think of any time when a Leftist hack, like our Non Monkey is, has used exaggeration to make a point. They actually believe the hysterical BS they spew.

He is a stalking horse for a movement that wants to torch public schools. It has gotten frighteningly close to its goal.

Good Lord, someone throw a net over this buffoon and drag him to St. Peter. He really does believe Samuels wants to burn down, not just North High, but all public schools.

The Center of the American Experiment, a local conservative think tank, is renewing the push for school vouchers, and it tapped Samuels to endorse its position paper. In his foreword to the recent publication, Samuels again displays a flair for the dramatic, writing that he wonders "how many future murderers are in the first grade classes of the four elementary schools within a mile of my home?"

Officer, arrest those first-graders!

Hold on there Nicoli, I’m going to assume I can count you among the gaggle of Lefties who are hell bent on ripping more money from my wallet so you can fund the latest and greatest Education Minnesota proposal: mandatory government daycare beginning at 6 hours old, mandatory home visits by government agents to assure proper feeding, clothing and reading materials are employed, all day kindergarten, free lunch for all, free healthcare for all, free food, shelter and clothing for all, etc.

You are a disingenuous ass to attack Samuels for saying what you and your fellow Stalinists have been spouting over the last many years.

But if you take Samuels seriously, it is not just his language that is lousy. It is his policies.
Samuels has become the darling of a coalition of mostly conservative, mostly suburban groups involved in a coordinated assault on "government monopoly schools."

“Mostly conservative, mostly suburban” is Liberal code for “mostly White”. Coleman is lamenting that another Brother has left the fields and moved into the Master’s house.
And let’s talk, shall we, about what Coleman calls “lousy language.” Are the groups Coleman hates really “assaulting” public schools? We know he doesn’t understand or use hyperbole, so he must believe there is an assault underway.

These groups are pushing hard in Minnesota for expanded tax-credit or tuition vouchers to allow public dollars to be spent on private schools. It isn't just people in the North High neighborhood who should worry about that.

Worry, they should be celebrating. What is wrong with finally having an opportunity to get out of the cesspools that are inner city schools? Would Coleman deny anyone the opportunity to escape these hell holes? Shit houses of education where most of the students don’t give a damn and their parents – if there are any – care any less. Coleman will bust his ass to deny that opportunity. It’s the Lefty way to give the big middle finger to any one who wants more.

Some groups pushing for vouchers have fought to outlaw gay marriage or to keep children from receiving sex education or learning about evolution. They have a right to send their kids to religious schools.

There it is guilt by association: A common tactic for Nick to employ. His good friend Keith Ellison cavorted with Louis Farrakhan, but that didn’t disqualify him from holding public office. In fact his association with the well-known anti-Semite was actually praised because the basis was reportedly the Million Man March. Hypocrisy looks good on Comrade Coleman, don’t you think?

They don't have a right -- Article XIII of the State Constitution bars public funding for "sectarian" schools -- to subsidize such schools with tax dollars.

What about non sectarian private schools, Nick? Would you back vouchers and tax credits if only non sectarian schools were included?

Nevertheless, the crusade is on. And Samuels is its hero.

Lousy language alert: “Crusade” has such a nasty connotation to it, I would think Nick would be very careful about using it. Oh, that’s right, no belief in hyperbole means he does see a crusade in action.

Other black leaders are being lobbied to convert to the vouchers cause. One, NAACP President Duane Reed, says he recently refused requests to testify on behalf of a vouchers/tax credit bill in the Legislature. He says the request came from a group affiliated with the Libertarian Party, whose platform praises tax credits and charter schools as "interim measures" that will help kill the public schools.

The grand conspiracy has been revealed.

"This is not about Don Samuels," Reed said at Thursday night's public meeting at North High with Samuels. "This is about ... tax credits. Which is just a code word for vouchers. This is just teeing up a sensational issue."How many black leaders support vouchers?" he said to me later, proceeding to tick off a long list of black groups, starting with the NAACP, that oppose them. "Now Don Samuels all of a sudden is an expert, and he is going to speak for us? I don't think so.”

These people – the NAACP types – are hilarious. They pretend to be in the business of helping “Colored People”, but their real goal is to do all they can to hold onto their power and, to accomplish that, they need to keep those same “Colored People” down.

Charter schools, funded with public funds, were supposed to help produce new teaching methodologies and education strategies. Other states limit their number. New York has a limit of 100. Iowa has a limit of 10. Minnesota has no limit. Today, we have 131 charter schools, with 23,600 students. At least 19 more charter schools are on the way.

How much is too much?

Sorry, Nick. Where’s the problem here? Are they not working? Has the Charter School experiment failed? If it has, why don't you tell us about it?

The largest sponsor of charter schools, Friends of Ascension, has ties to former state Republican chairman Bill Cooper, who has served on the group's board of directors.

Evil Republican bastards.

Friends of Ascension has 16 schools with 2,800 students (12 percent of charter school enrollment). Nor is Cooper the only former Republican Party chair to have found a keen interest in the inner city.

Former GOP chairman Ron Eibensteiner and his wife are the founders of KidsFirst Scholarships, which award privately funded vouchers to children (650 this year) to attend private schools. Those scholarships are funded by grants from right-wing billionaires such as Ted Forstmann and the late John Walton of the Walton Family Foundation.

Evil, evil Republican bastards. Can you imagine raising private dollars to fund scholarships so underprivileged kids can attend private schools? Hang the lot of ‘em.

Critics such as the liberal People for the American Way point out an obvious motivation: By handing out private vouchers in the inner city, conservatives hope to create political momentum for state vouchers that will damage public schools.

Oh, fuck you and all your private-enterprise-hating, Stalin worshiping, central-government-uber-alles chanting assholes. Public schools do a damn fine job of damaging themselves. They don’t need some Rightwing conspiracy to help them. What's obvious here is your desire to keep throwing money at a system that is failing in very large nubmers in the inner city.

Not to mention the teaching of evolutionary science.

There it is, the anti-religion shot. Anyone who wants vouchers or is in favor of private scholarships is a rightwing Christian fanatic. And we all know there is no room for religion in politics, unless it’s an all, or mostly, black Baptist church that features the Lefty Flavor of the Week on the pulpit – Jesse, Al, Clinton (both), Obama, etc.

The fire has been set. Public schools have lost thousands of students to charter schools and open enrollment, and that exodus has been folded into "drop-out rates" that have been recklessly exaggerated by radical opponents of public education, including Don Samuels.

What does this tell you Nick? Given the opportunity to get their kids the hell out of city schools, responsible parents do just that. You are a complete ass for wanting to cut off what has become the modern day “Underground Railroad.” One might even be tempted to call you a bigot and a racist.

This is not just an intramural squabble in the black community. All supporters of public education should be worried. It is not just North High that is under assault; it is the very idea of public education.

No! No! No! what is under “assault” is the idea of shitty public education delivered to kids who don’t give a goddamn about being in school and parents who don’t give a goddamn about their kids.

Vouchers, charter schools, open enrollment, etc. will give kids and parents who care about succeeding in education a chance to do just that. Let the slime that don’t give a damn stay where they are, but, for the love of God (sorry for the religious reference), let those who want a better shot a life have it.

As an inner-city politician with friends in high places, Samuels didn't set the schools ablaze. He just fanned the flames. But his friends are dancing around the bonfire.

Coleman is a toad, complete with warts. He wears the shield of Socialism with great pride. Fuck you if you want to succeed (even though he already has), and fuck you if you want the better things in life (like he and the Mrs. have). Coleman has wet dreams about an egalitarian society. A world in which everyone shares equally and is, therefore, equally miserable.

He is a sad and pathetic soul. God – oops – have mercy on him.

Hey, Tim, Why Not Just Start a Leftyblog?

Since I know Blog House butler Tim O'Brien likes to google himself a lot (Google Blogsearch, actually), I need to open our dialogue in this peculiar way. If you are merely a casual observer, please bear with this:

Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien

Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune Star Tribune

Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House Blog House

Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass Flaming Dumbass

There. Now that I have your attention, Tim, I'd like to ask you a question:

What is the point of the Blog House anyway?

Is it to provide a weekly synopsis of the prevalent topics discussed on the political blogs by citing a few example blog posts that were representative of the greater "discussion" as it were?

It is? Well, then, judging by your last column, you are a massive fucking failure. I mean, really, if the discourse in the blogosphere from the last week consisted solely of unanimity of opinion among left-wing tools about Anna Nicole Smith, the Iraq War and Norm Coleman, then you got it right. However, if that truly does reflect reality then, 1) I must have been on drugs last week and missed all that leftyblog monopoly on brilliance and 2) The Blog House is really pretty much a useless exercise now, isn't it.

The last time I posited the following, I was called a "waste of skin" by some drooling buttfuck that gets 8 hits a day, because Jason Lewis (whom I anever listen to) purportedly said a very similar thing (these are the types of people you tend to gravitate toward, BTW, Timmy), but here it goes again:

The sole reason for the Blog House is to lend the legitimacy of the print medium to the paranoid, dissociative and largely baseless ravings of some diseased mentally-challenged blogthings.

It's kinda funny how the week the whole John Edwards blogger flap erupted, you wrote absolutely nothing about it. You didn't recount what they had written that gave rise to the whole thing. You didn't quote from any one of the approximately 678,590 posts related to the matter on either side. You ignored probably the largest blog-related story which had ignited well before deadline. Why?

Because you had to give the drooling masses in the left-wing retard-o-sphere enough time to frame a villain and attack him viciously, despite the fact that the only thing he (or any of the other thousands appalled at that dimwit's insults of us and our faith) did was quote her.

You dutifully did what all good lefties do, you gave their play of the Hypocrite Card a little MSM bump:

Donohue should be able to recognize offensive comments when he see them. He's a veritable font of them -- Jews, gays and liberals his favorite targets.

* "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular."

* "Well, look, there are people in Hollywood ... [who] will do anything for the buck. ... If you asked them to sodomize their own mother in a movie, they would do so, and they would do it with a smile on their face."

* Talking about former Rep. Mark Foley's claim that he was molested by a priest: "First, there is a huge difference between being groped and being raped, so which was it, Mr. Foley? Second, why didn't you just smack the clergyman in the face? After all, most 15-year-old teenage boys wouldn't allow themselves to be molested. So why did you?"

At least, I suppose this is some sort of feeble attempt to paint the messenger as a hypocrite discredit him. Although I should point out that there's a case to be made that quotes 1 and 2 are verrifiable fact. But there's a trap that you expose yourself to when parroting the leftybuttfuck's favorite weapon - the H-card:

1) You sound like a 7-year old, or alternatively, Jeff Fecke

2) Hypocrites are always 50% correct, which is better than your typical track record of 0%

3) Hypocrisy is only the affliction of those who hold themselves toto a higher standard


4) The charge of hypocrisy is only appurtenant to the declarant. That is, there are others who made the same charges, statements and demands that Bill Donahue did. Unfortunately the leftyboogers you love so much couldn't find anything on them. The message remains truth regardless as to whom the messanger is.

But if you want to continue being some low rent, disingenuous Jeff Fecke-like tool, constantly foisting one-sided half-informed propaganda on us (although I'm fairly sure that George Soros pays Fecke more than McClatchy pays you), at least I won't hurt for material.

PS I hold no illusions that you'll be as solicitous to my complaints as you are to those proffered from across the aisle.

President's Day Separated At Birth

Millard Fillmore:


Alec Baldwin:

Millard Can't Say That, Can He? #3

From the "Almost Too Convenient an Illustration of the Old Saw 'Those Who Ignore History Are Doomed to Repeat It' to Be Real" file:

"God knows that I detest slavery, but it is an existing evil, for which we are not responsible, and we must endure it, till we can get rid of it without destroying the last hope of free government in the world." -- Millard Fillmore

Millard Can't Say That, Can He? #2

"May God save the country, for it is evident that the people will not."
--Millard Fillmore

Millard Can't Say That, Can He?

As is our custom, we celebrate this President's Day by honouring honoring Millard Fillmore.

This year, we offer you a very special KAR series: Scion to a Thousand Nimrods: The Great Rhetoric of Millard Fillmore...

"An honorable defeat is better than a dishonorable victory." --Millard Fillmore

Sunday, February 18, 2007

The Party Must Have Determined that Tarryl Clark's Seat Is in Jeopardy...

..So today Lori Sturdevant dutifully produces a hagiographic fawn-a-thon about the semi-new DFLic Senate Assistant Majority Leader.

Fun game: see if you can determine which of the following quotes are from the original article, and which ones I made up. Ready? Go!

1) Even the brightest freshmen are usually instructed to keep their mouths shut and wait their turn. That day, and since, Clark showed why she's an exception to that rule. There's a lot of substance behind her high-wattage smile.

2) At one of her recent Friday morning briefings, Clark moved easily and knowledgeably from a discussion of renewable energy legislation to a proposed statewide smoking ban to stem cell research funding to the high price of traffic congestion.

3) Not only has she managed to personally author over 360 bills during her short tenure in the Senate thus far, but she has also won the coveted Bronze Noodle 10 years and running at the Brainerd International Hot Dish Bakeoff.

4) Clark is one of the few Senators from her party with the ability and the courage to sell anally painful tax increases to the rubes who live outstate.

5) Her people skills stand out, even among the Legislature's crowd of extroverts... Among the tales being told about her: She had the good grace, and wits, to yield to a more senior senator the close-to-the-Capitol parking space that goes with her position. With such gestures, lasting alliances are forged.

6) Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian so I could slide my tongue down Terryl Clark's throat, make sweet sweet love to her until dawn, and then rest my head between her creamy thighs 'til we both fell asleap from a sex-soaked fatigue.

7) This session, Clark has become identified with one of the DFL's marquee issues, early childhood education. She's the chief sponsor of a big-ticket bill that would grant early learning allowances to every Minnesota family raising a 3- or 4-year-old. It's undoubtedly too rich for Gov. Tim Pawlenty's blood.

8) Dispite the fact that my nose was well past her anus, I was surprised to note that Senator Clark's rectum smells quite pleasant - like a fresh spring rainshower with a hint of lavendar.

ANSWERS: Nos. 3, 6 and 8 were made up. While #4 does not appear in Sturdevant's article, she was undoubtedly thinking the sentiment expressed therein while writing this vomit-inducing puff piece.

Friday, February 16, 2007


What does "MilF" stand for?

That is the shorthand reference to the Annual Millard Fillmore Memorial KAR-Nation Open Championship Charity Golf Outing Classic (hosted by David Fehrity*). It has also been refered to as "The Millard" the "Golf Outing" and the "Hey - Let's Hit Into Those Obnoxious Slow-Playing Jerks."

The MilF is the world's preeminent annual golf tournament that involves bloggers, ThunderJournalists, comment trolls, fans and groupies. To our knowledge.

I landed on this page when I Googled "Milf". This isn't what I'm looking for at all.

Sorry. Try googling "Amanda Marcotte". You might have a better chance of finding what you're looking for.

Where will the MilF be played?

Like last year, we will try to book the majestic TPC at Valleywood in lovely and vibrant Apple Valley Minnesota. Like everything else at this early date, this is subject to change (though not likely).

When is it?

Once we have received input from all participants as to the date that works best for everyone, we will set it. Right now, we are leaning toward having it on the Friday after the 4th of July like last year.

But, but, but - Keegan's might have a Scotch tasting that evening! Whatever will I do?

If you need a special event at a bar to taste Scotch, you are probably unfit to participate in the MilF.

I''ll just RSVP anyway.

That would be an extremely bad idea, given Bill's skill with photoshop.

So I shouldn't e-mail you unless I am certain I will attend?

No, silly! You need to e-mail me expressing your interest so that you can have a stake at planning the date, time and format. The RSVPs will come later.

And in case you forgot, that e-mail address is koolaidreport at yahoo dot com. You should contact me EVEN IF YOU PARTICIPATED LAST YEAR and EVEN IF YOU AREN'T SURE YOU WILL PARTICIPATE.

I haven't golfed in years / I suck at golf / my clubs should be in a museum / I don't want to embarrass myself so I don't think I'll play.

Rot. The skill level of players in last year's MilF ranged from an 8 Handicap (frequent drunk commenter and member of champion team mgehrity) to an American Idol Fan-level handicap (Bogus Doug). We will try to be more helpful to the modestly talented this year, by ignoring the Nihilist in Golf Pants' protestations and going with a modified scramble format this year.

A modified whazis?

Scramble. Golfers group up in teams of two, three or four players. Each player will take a shot, they will then choose the best shot of the team and play the ball from that spot for the entire round. It takes the pressure off, and mitigates the liability any single player is to his team.

How will teams be formed?

Well, you can form them on your own, or, for those without a team, we will cobble them together shortly before the MilF. This is why it is so gosh darn important for you to e-mail me at koolaidreport at yahoo dot com and get on the mailing list.

I have never golfed, harbor no desire to golf and I even hate the word golf. Is there anything for me?

Why yes, yes there is. We have a post-round gala informally referred to as the "PostMilf". The only skill required there is an ability to drink beer, eat grilled meat and throw lit M-80s at Andy Aplikowski.

Really - there'll be fireworks?

Probably. It just wouldn't be the PostMilF if Bill and I didn't exhibit the famous pyrotechnics we invented: The Tongue of Fire and The Noise From the Bowels o' Hell.

Golf Shmolf. I read this ThunderJournal for one reason, and one reason only: stupid letters to the Strib. Can ya' give a brotha a holla?

No problemo:

I'd rather have a Senate candidate who can tell a joke than have a president who is a joke.

Hey! With Al Franken you get a twofer!

Well, he's not so good at that whole "telling a joke" thing any more...

The high-powered attacks on Al Franken reflect the potency of his candidacy.

Yet the poll numbers point to impotency.

Franken's effectively combative nature reminds me of Paul Wellstone, who

RANDOM NOTE I JUST THOUGHT OF NOW: It is more than well-settled fact that people who use the phrase "speak truth to power" possess too few brain cells to discern what exactly "truth" is.

spoke truth to power and guided his life by principles and not PAC contributions. We will judge Franken by what he says and does in the next year, not by the

ANOTHER THING I JUST THOUGHT OF: People who refer to the act of pointing out serious flaws of character or policy in a candidate as "Swift Boating" tend to also believe that Jane Fonda is a patriotic American and Josh Hartnett should set our foreign policy.

Swift-boating type of attacks launched by Republican operatives whose only goal is destruction.

Because we know that DFLic "operatives" (otherwise known as "all of them") never take shots at their oponents.


Heh. That was great. So anyway, will there be any changes to the MilF this year?

Aside from the move to a scramble format, I was thinking about maybe pooling some $$$ from the competitors and awarding the winning team a Fabulous Cash Prize. This will be up to the consensus of those participating of course, so it's absolutely crucial that you contact me at koolaidreport at yahoo dot com if you want a voice in the matter.

So how much will this all cost me?

=> Greens fees and a cart: around $50

=> Fabulous cash prize: $10 (just a suggestion; we will discuss)

=> PostMilf beer fund and charitable contibution: $10 - $15 (although last year many PostMilfers ponied up more $$ for the charity; consider that price a minimum)

=> Firing bottle rockets at Andy's fuzzy head: Priceless

So, who are those that have yet to contact you whom you will mock mecilessly if they don't get on the stick?

Oh, My Partner from last year, Surly, Kelly Pickler's Biggest Fan, Chad the Poseur. To name a few.

And what about the PostMilf?

Kevie from EckerNut, and the Stroms are three butt-pickers that come to mind.

Oh! Oh! Will Mitch Berg be there? He's so dreamy, and I'd like to date him. Did I mention that i'm an astronaut, so you know I'm well-adjusted?

Mitch would be another that has yet to harness the power of e-mail.

Well, all this sounds like a lot of fun! How do I sign up?


koolaidreport at yahoo dot com. Please specify whether you're interested in attending the golf outing, the PostMilf or both.

* Fehrity has yet to confirm.

Feeling Better Now, Thanks

Mrs. Foot and I are extremely grateful for the response y'all gave to yesterday's harangue. So far, KARnies, KAR-Nationals and other assorted riff raff have given somewheres around $200 to the Komen Foundation to Fight Breast Cancer.

The MilF / PostMilF response was still a little light, especially amongst those who should know better. However, I believe that may have more to do with ignorance. I shall remedy that shortly.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Haikus for a Boring Thursday

I wonder if Mitch
Ever dated this woman.
Almost certainly.

John Amaechi is
Lucky that he never took
Timmy to the hole.

Both Milli and Vanilli
Will portray themselves.

Oopsie. I forgot
That Vanilli killed himself.
Blame it on the rain.

Ryan is a fart
Artist. Or, "fartist" perhaps?
He's got assitude!

Ten hours stranded on
Plane. Tots cry. Poop overflows.
And no free peanuts.

I am good enough,
Smart enough, and - gosh darn it -
Nobody likes me.

Watch for next Strib poll
To show Franken ahead by
Eighty-eight per cent.

Dear Citizens of KAR-Nation

Please remove your thumbs from your butts.

About three weeks ago I invited all of you to join the team formed by Mrs. Foot for the Race for the Cure, or alternatively, to donate through her team to the Komen foundation to help her reach her fundraising goal. I provided an e-mail address - a familiar one:

- for people to contact me for more information.

Since I posted that request, I have received one - ONE - response. Now, I understand that folks have their Mother's Day plans and their charitable giving budgets. I hate asking people to donate their hard earned cash no matter how worthy the cause is. That's why I hardly ever make these sorts of appeals. In this case I made an exception since the Lovely & Fetching Mrs. Foot asked me to help. I also did so because the cause is one around which everyone can rally: boobies. Everybody out there either has boobies or knows someone who does. So I ask again, if you're interested, please drop me a line and I'll let you know how you can walk with our team in the race ($25 - you get a shirt and, most likely, free beer and grilled meat at my house after the event) or donate to the Komen Breast Cancer foundation.

Secondly, earlier this week I announced the beginning of planning for the 3rd Annual MilF. Again, I posted that familiar e-mail address:

for interested parties so that I could put them on the mailing list to help facilitate our planning.

And again, I have received exactly one - ONE - response. FROM THE SAME GUY WHO RESPONDED TO THE RACE FOR THE CURE APPEAL!!!!!

Now, I know there is more interest in the MilF than that. Last year, over 20 folks signed up, and most of them played. More folks showed up for the PostMilF gala. Of the ones who didn't play or show up for the PostMilF most of their absences was attributable to a scheduling conflict (and in one case, illness). The proverbial good time was had by all and there was much enthusiasm expressed for continuing the tradition.

So, I'm going to ask all of you again - even if you played or attended the PostMilF last year - to drop me a line at:

and let me know if you are interested in playing in the tournament, attending the PostMilF, or both. That e-mail address again is:

You all make me sick. Thank you.

Crybaby Keith Ellison

Radical, Leftwing, Black, Muslim US Representative Keith Ellison doesn’t’ like smoking, even when it’s done legally, and he’s willing to call in the police to make his position known.

OK, so his Press Secrety and fellow Radical Lefty, Rick Jauert, called the cops on Republican Tom Tancredo, but the first black from Minnesota and first Muslim ever to serve in the US Congress approved.

Apparently smoking in one’s congressional office allowed, but Ellison’s people or person in this case, would have none of it, so the Capitol Police were called to the scene.

Typical Lefty, rather than knocking on Tancredo’s door like a man and speaking with him, he (his guy) calls the cops.

What an ass – I was going to call him a pig, but I don’t want to offend him.

Did I mention that Ellison is black and Muslim?

Did I also mention that Ellison loves Louis Farrakhan and that Louis Farrakhan hates Jews?

Did you know Ellison said he’s changed, but when Rich Stanek apologized for a 10-year old racial slur Ellison said he wasn’t fit to be Minnesota’s Commissioner of Public Safety.

I take it back, Ellison is a pig.

Make that a hypocritical PIG. Oink, Oink you jerk.

So anyway, the cops show up at Tancredo’s door and, well, do nothing because there’s nothing they can do considering the congressman is doing nothing wrong.

Now, if I’m Tancredo, I’m lighting up as often as possible and making sure the smoke is wafting its way toward Ellison’s office. I am also, from this point forward, hiring only smokers to work on my staff.

Might as well have a little fun while you’re working.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Moron Mail Special Edition: Perpetuating the Lie

To recap:

* NonMonkey writes another softball lamenting how a bunch of moonbats who think that they're just the most important people in the whole wide world were harshly treated by John Kline's office because they only got to waste an hour of his staff's time.

* I point out the rather ridiculous self-contradiction within said column..

* DFLic Party Chair writes letter to Strib that basically perpetuates a lie that can be easily exposed using NonMonkey's column.

* I fisk said letter.

Now it's time for the drooling masses to repeat the lie enough until it becomes fact (edited for space and sanity):

Seeing past smears of Kline spokesman

They irony of that headline is too delicious.

In his Feb. 7 letter, Congressman John Kline's district director, Mike Osskopp, began lobbing grenades this way: "While (Jevne) Kloeber claims to be a concerned constituent, she is also an organizer of far left anti-war protests ...." I gather he believes that concern and protest are mutually exclusive. I disagree. I believe that political activists are deeply concerned citizens.

Yes, but then there are those other concerned citizens who VOTED HIM INTO OFFICE 4 MONTHS AGO!!! And they did so despite (because of?) his very well known views on the war. Are these sanctimonious moonbats proposing to thwart the will of the good people of the 2nd district? Hmm? HMMM??????

And protest is what people do when their elected officials refuse to listen to them.

And those protesters ought to know that they tend to look like this while doing so

So don't go crying to the Strib because nobody takes you seriously.

One way to heal political divisions is to discuss the issues that divide us.

They. Got. An. Hour.

And since everybody in that room with an IQ higher than a desk lamp knew that there was absolutely no way Kline is going to change his tune on the war (especially 4 months after winning an election in which that issue was front and center), why were they even there?

To grandstand?

To make a spectacle of themselves?

However, it's my understanding that collaring Congressman Kline for real dialogue is like playing whack-a-mole. That's not representation. That's hide-and-seek.

Um. He's in Washington. You know - the seat of the government to which he was sent to represent his constituents pursuant to the results of an election held 4 months ago?

Or are these moonbats somehow more important than the rest of the voters in the 2nd district? Should John Kline drop everything and fly back to Minnesota so these assholes can demagogue and tell him how much they hate him?

*** And frankly, I'm fed up and rising with the far right's


deceptive talking points, which are routinely funneled through John Kline's office.

Osskopp's language is silvery slick. He attempts to persuade us that Kline's conservatism is common sense, that generally peaceable anti-war activists took advantage of his trusting nature with their bully tactics, that protesters speaking to the press manifests evil intent, and that war protesters are determined to deny our soldiers the support they need. Oh, please. That's right out of the Republican playbook.

They were given an hour. Then, they were asked to leave. When asked to leave, they refused. In the law-talking biz, this is known as "trespass."

So some far left wing lunatics try to bait John Kline (this is hardly the first time something like this has happened). They fail. They then go to the press, unleash the party apparatus and the drooling fellow traveler letter writers to lie that he swallowed the bait when, in fact, he hadn't.

That's right out of the DFLic playbook.

[The rest is your typical empty lefty rhetoric, containing roughly the same substance as a Ryan Rhodes Chipotle burrito fart.]

BARBARA M!LL3R, EAGAN (The company you keep...)

Where Have All the Cowgirls Gone?

This will be my last word on the Marcotte thing.

Reading the reactions (including her own) about the rage-impaired, and generally just crappy blogger, one of the subtexts I saw from time to time was that those who thought Edwards pulled a gigantic boner by hiring on this intellectually vacant bile merchant were just trying to keep an "uppity" woman down.


This may come as a surprise to most of you who think this chick is some sort of modern-day (semi-literate) Susan B Anthony, but men in general and the right in particular have absolutely no problem with strong women. But that's really beside the point.

The point is, I doubt Your Little Amanda can be accurately described as a "strong woman." For, I can't help but notice that in your view, being a "strong woman" entails little more than exhibiting an in-your-face attitude and slavishly towing the Identity Feminism (as opposed to Equality Feminism) line. The like minded womyn and the dickless turds who try and ingratiate themselves to said womyn (and do please give up the act - it's not going to get you laid) lap it up. Big whoop.

I see this Marcotte weasel held up as some sort of example of what a "strong woman" looks like, and then I look at my wife: her hair falling out from the chemo; constantly queasy; unable to sleep some nights, and on the nights she is able to sleep, it takes all the energy she can muster to get out of bed. When she is able to get vertical, she has to tend to two extremely hyper children. Yet, at the end of the day, she's still able to joke about her hair.

Strengthwise, to any rational human being, the two aren't even close.

Get Your Heart On

Make your own here.


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

He got his, but you can’t have yours

Yet again, the Star & Sickle is filled with letters admonishing us for our “lavish” lifestyles and how we contribute to global warming.

Pete Holste’s of North Oaks is one of the more disturbing ones:

I'm gratified to see the recent spate of news regarding mankind's assault on the environment, something that was ignored while the Republican majority in Congress danced with the oil lobby.

But what still needs to be said is that the "human activity," upon which blame for global warming is being heaped, should really read "too much human activity." Earth can support only so many people. Population control has to be as much a part of the equation as a green lifestyle.


Pete is not a fan of us natural-resource-using rabble. He’d rather fewer of us existed so he could continue to live his life among the elite without fear of his conscience being pained.

North Oaks is a pretty darn nice area for those with loads of cash. Prince had a home there as did VP Walter Mondale.

Pete’s home is nestled in the woods (check out the aerial view). I’m not sure if it the one on the right or the left of the red star (how ironic a symbol that is) but either one must cost a small fortune to heat in the winter and cool in the summer.

Bottom line, Pete is a hypocritical ass who has more than his fair share and he doesn’t want you to have yours.

Why don’t these population-control freaks take it upon themselves to get the ball rolling?

It wouldn’t take Pete long to reduce the population by a count of one.


It occurs to me that the previous post scraped pretty close to almost being something resembling a characteristic akin to "gravitas"; what with all the tax law talk and absence of any scatalogical imagery/language. So in the interest of equal time, and to indulge our core readership, I offer this:





























































Someone Needs an Intervention...

Oh, the moonbats are all frothy about the Blog Hag's resignation from the Edwards campaign. And as is their wont for someone having the temerity to call out one of their own for what she or he really is, the moonbats have vowed revenge. And as is typical, the blunt instument of choice to give voice to their collective impotent rage is the IRS.

Blog Hag has suggested (TECH SUPPORT: Please fix link. ty) that her brainless drones take up her cause by attacking the nonprofit status of the organization led by Bill Donohue, her most vocal critic - The Catholic League. She even provided a link to the form for which they can file an Information Referral (which works kind of like the old rat out your nazi-sympatizing neighbor policy of the 40's). Since she's not terribly bright, she got the idea from some PhD in Anthropology and, presumably, Self Appointed Tax Law Expert For Today. (Hmm. That link's broken too. Why does that keep happening?)

Have you moonbats filled out your 3949A's yet?

Good. Get ready to choke on them.

The argument goes like this:

Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code provides (emphasis mine):

(c) List of exempt organizations.--The following organizations are [exempt]:


(3) Corporations, and any community chest, fund, or foundation, organized and operated exclusively for religious, charitable, scientific, testing for public safety, literary, or educational purposes, or to foster national or international amateur sports competition (but only if no part of its activities involve the provision of athletic facilities or equipment), or for the prevention of cruelty to children or animals, no part of the net earnings of which inures to the benefit of any private shareholder or individual, no substantial part of the activities of which is carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting, to influence legislation (except as otherwise provided in subsection (h)), and which does not participate in, or intervene in (including the publishing or distributing of statements), any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for public office

So what does "intervene" mean. The IRS defines it (emphasis mine):

What is Political Campaign Intervention?

Political campaign intervention includes any and all activities that favor or oppose one or more candidates for public office. The prohibition extends beyond candidate endorsements. Contributions to political campaign funds or public statements of position (verbal or written) made by or on behalf of an organization in favor of or in opposition to any candidate for public office clearly violate the prohibition on political campaign intervention. Distributing statements prepared by others that favor or oppose any candidate for public office will also violate the prohibition. Allowing a candidate to use an organization’s assets or facilities will also violate the prohibition if other candidates are not given an equivalent opportunity. Although section 501(c)(3) organizations may engage in some activities to promote voter registration, encourage voter participation, and provide voter education, they will violate the prohibition on political campaign intervention if they engage in an activity that favors or opposes any candidate for public office. Certain activities will require an evaluation of all the facts and circumstances to determine whether they result in political campaign intervention.

The thrust of the moonbat view is that Donahue's ripping of the Tourette's inflicted blogger hired by Edward's campaign constitutes a "statement of favor of or in opposition to any candidate." To reach this conclusion, you have to 1) ignore the final sentence that refers to the totality of the circumstances; and 2) be a brain dead kool aid drinking moron.

Let's look at the totality of the facts and circumsatnces starting with the Catholic League's perfectly 501(c)(3) compliant mission:

* When slanderous assaults are made against the Catholic Church, the Catholic League hits the newspapers, television, and radio talk shows defending the right of the Church to promote its teachings with as much verve as any other institution in society.

* When Catholics are the victims of a bigoted portrayal by the media, the Catholic League issues news releases bringing the matter to the attention of the public. It may also encourage a boycott of the program’s sponsors.

I don't think that even the most brain damaged moonbat would deny that - whatever else you may think of Donahue and his statements on the Marcotte matter - they were consistent with the CL's 501(c)-complaint mission.

But that still leaves the issue of whether of Donahue's statements qua president of the CL crossed the line into intervention into a political campaign.

They didn't. The press releases are here here here here here and here.

If you read them like a normal human being, and not like some deranged rage addict, you'll find the Donahue was very careful to focus on the statements of the bloggers, what John Edwards ought to do about them, and where it intersects with the CL's mission (exposing anti-Catholic bigotry) than advocating policy positions, or insinuating how people ought to vote in an election that's over a year and a half away (that little factoid also figures into the totality of circumstances calculus, BTW). Some of the quotes that demonstrate this:

* John Edwards is a decent man who has had his campaign tarnished by two anti-Catholic vulgar trash-talking bigots. He has no choice but to fire them immediately.

* The purpose of this communication is to ignite a national discussion on the incredible double standard that exists regarding bigotry in American life.

* We either have one shoe that fits all when it comes to fighting bigotry, or we have a phony, politically correct approach to the subject. That is the ultimate issue, not John Edwards.

* [W]e will use the John Edwards matter as a springboard to a national discussion on the duplicity that colors the entire conversation about bigotry in America.

* The Edwards campaign is in total disarray and the meltdown will continue unless McEwan is removed from his staff.

As you can see, Donahue repeatedly states his purpose for making so much noise about two loser bloggers: exposing a double standard regarding anti-Catholic bigotry. In fact, that last one is about as close as you can get to anything resembling campaigning. I suppose expressing concern for a candidate's flailing campaign could be construed as helping it...


Notably absent from any of these statements - incendiary and rage-flecked as they were - was any mention on how people should vote. If anyone would like to take the leap from the "bad press" Donahue is trying to lay on Edwards for hiring these freaks to intervening into a political campaign, I still have a nice big stack of "independently produced" left-wing campaign literature foisted on me through the mail last year by some 501(c)(3) organizations whose own tax exempt status would be in peril given that same standard.

Oh, but I'm sure those were somehow different.

I know that it's tough going up against the well-trained and finely-honed legal mind of a Cultural Anthropology PhD with my pitiful little Juris Doctor. If it helps my cred any, I did major in Anthropology as an undergrad, and I went to law school with a bunch of people who eventually became lawyers.