Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"Democracy" NonMonkey Style

If I were Mitch Berg I might say something like "it buggers the imagination, ladies and gentlemen" or "ladies and gentlemen, it made me chunder" regarding today's column by NonMonkey. But I'm not Mitch Berg. So I'll just say this:

NonMonkey is an imbecilic small-minded farthead:

Did you think the war in Iraq was a terrible idea?

No. No I didn't.



Do you worry it is getting worse, and that the U.S. is bogged down in a civil war? Did you notice the number of dead Americans has passed 3,100 and the cost of the war now is projected to surpass the cost of the Vietnam War?

Yes. yes.

Keep it to yourself.

Why? That cat's been way out of the bag for some time. Can you get to the point, please.

I'm here to say it's OK to feel muzzled, frustrated and voiceless. It's not you who are insane. It may be your country. Did you think democracy was on the march? Don't be stupid. It's getting the bum's rush.

Oh my! Please tell me what horrible form this threat to democracy takes, so that we may smite it before we fall into the darkness of tyrany!

On Monday, the U.S. Senate couldn't even agree to debate a war that is four years old and has gone off the tracks. Despite last fall's huge rejection by the voters of more war, the country is ruled by people who have no intention of changing course.

Oh. The filibuster of a nonbinding resolution is tearing democracy asunder. Got it. [Rolling eyes].

And don't bother trying to talk to your congressman. What's Congress got to do with government these days?

When a small group of Minnesotans got uppity Tuesday and demanded a meeting with Second District GOP Congressman John Kline, the cops were called to get rid of the pests.

One of the things that makes disemboweling NonMonkey's droolings so gosh darn easy, is that you don't even have to leave the boundries of the column itself to illustrate how disingenuous and misleading he can be. Remember that last graf. Some constituents go to Congeressman's office. Demand meeting with him. Cops are called.

As part of a national protest called the Occupation Project,

Ahh. so they really weren't merely "constituents". they were...

17 peace people

"peace people".

visited Kline's Burnsville office (with no appointment but plenty of advance publicity)

meaning these droolers told every media outlet that they were going to make a spectacle of themselves, but didn't pay the target the courtesy of advance notice. "Look at me!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

to ask that Kline, a gung-ho Marine veteran who has been one of the strongest proponents of the war, hold a town hall meeting to sound out opinion on the president's plan to "surge" or escalate the war.

...To ask a stainch Republican whose views on the war were very well known and who just won an election THREE F-ING MONTHS AGO WITH 56% OF THE VOTE to provide yet another forum for some douchebag activists to pontificate the same old tired lines that we've all heard over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in yet another in a long list of attempts to draw out this particular congressman for the sole purpose of attempting to embarrass him.

Yes. democracy certainly is getting a "bum rush". But that's not the best of it.

Two-thirds of the public disapprove of the plan, so no one really needs a meeting. Which is fine with Kline: He isn't likely to call one. Besides, his office said, most of the peaceniks were known Democrats, even though they claimed to be nonpartisan.

See, NonMonkey is a journalist, so he apparently feels no need to name names or anything like that. We should just take his word for it. Maybe they were nonpartisan moonbats. Maybe not.

Fortunately, Kline's office, in a letter to the editor of the South Metro edition, does name names:
While Kloeber claims to be a concerned constituent, she is also an organizer of far left anti-war protests and a director of the Minnesota Second Congressional District DFL. In fact, she was on the district's nominating committee responsible for endorsing Coleen Rowley, one of the most uninformed and unprepared congressional candidates in the history of Minnesota politics.

Tee hee. That was funny.

OK. Back to the meat of the matter. To reset the story as NonMonkey has told it so far: a bunch of docile peace-loving activists quietly entered John Klines district office and politely requested a polite meeting with the Representative - whom they had to know was in Washington at the time - to politely set up a polite town hall meeting to dicuss opinions about Iraq (notwithstanding the fact that Kline very recently won his last election in a laugher when both his position on the war and public opinion about it were the same as now). The guy in charge of the office called the cops and had them ruthlessly routed into the cold.

Got that? Now the punchline:

The protesters filed into Kline's office and stood quietly while meeting with Kline's district director Mike Osskopp (Kline was in Washington). After an hour or so, they were told they were in the way of other constituents and asked to leave. Police were called. Four squads arrived. The protesters were ordered to leave. They did. No one was arrested.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what us seasoned Thunderjournalists refer to as a "self-fisking" article. Ryan Rhodes could not have written a better parody.

Peaceful protest is polite. But sometimes it's too polite.

Peace activists visited all of Minnesota's congressional offices Tuesday ["Look at meeeee!!!!!!!" -ed.], as part of the national effort to get Congress to stand up against the escalation of the war. Kline's people do not seem in the mood to debate Iraq.

"He supports the commanders on the ground," Young said of his boss. "He does not believe it's the duty of 535 members of Congress to micromanage the war, many of whom are presidential contenders."

But what if people in Minnesota and Kline's district are against escalating the war?

"He doesn't stick his finger in the air to make decisions," Young said. "That's not who he is."
A brave congressman! Standing up against the people!

[Waving arms wildly in the air] Yoohoo!!! Over here, NonMonkey!

He's my duly elected rep. Not yours. Would you write a similarly fawning column about me if I stormed into Betty McCollum's office and wasted an hour of her time demanding a "town hall" meeting to discuss our opinion that the policy she and some of her her fellow Congressthings espouse was the same one that led to the ever-increasing audacity of terrorists in their attacks on the United States, culminating in 9/11?

You wouldn't? Why, you must hate democracy, then.

Americans want Iraq over with, but the war is getting larger and we can't even talk about it. Debate is stifled, Congress is muzzled and peaceful protest is ignored.

All appropriations originate in the House. If the House chooses to allot $0 to the war in Iraq, the war is over. Your side controlls the House. Do the math.

Oh, silly me. You're a liberal. You can't do math.

History predicts the rest of this equation. It's not pretty.

Yeah, like Somalia. The fall of the Shah. Etc.

Sue Skog, one of the protesters ejected from Kline's office, said activists plan to return to congressional offices each Tuesday for the next seven weeks. But don't fret: They probably won't accomplish anything. Democracy is safe. From the people.

In other news, a new Pentagon weapon called the Active Denial System is ready. It's a nonlethal ray gun that can disperse mobs demanding democracy by making protesters' skin feel on fire.


If anybody can penetrate that - er - whatever that was, please let me know what that means. Or better yet, don't.

Right now, your skin is not burning. It's just your country.

Oh, I get it. It was meant to set up another hamfisted, completely irrelevant and artless metaphor.

And there you have it. On Planet NonMonkey, democracy is getting a "bum's rush" because the Senate won't pass a nonbinding resolution calling the president a poopy head for increasing the troop level in Iraq by 15%, and because a Congressman's staffer only wasted an hour of his time talking to a bunch of moonbats who wouldn't leave when asked.

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