Sunday, February 18, 2007

The Party Must Have Determined that Tarryl Clark's Seat Is in Jeopardy...

..So today Lori Sturdevant dutifully produces a hagiographic fawn-a-thon about the semi-new DFLic Senate Assistant Majority Leader.

Fun game: see if you can determine which of the following quotes are from the original article, and which ones I made up. Ready? Go!

1) Even the brightest freshmen are usually instructed to keep their mouths shut and wait their turn. That day, and since, Clark showed why she's an exception to that rule. There's a lot of substance behind her high-wattage smile.

2) At one of her recent Friday morning briefings, Clark moved easily and knowledgeably from a discussion of renewable energy legislation to a proposed statewide smoking ban to stem cell research funding to the high price of traffic congestion.

3) Not only has she managed to personally author over 360 bills during her short tenure in the Senate thus far, but she has also won the coveted Bronze Noodle 10 years and running at the Brainerd International Hot Dish Bakeoff.

4) Clark is one of the few Senators from her party with the ability and the courage to sell anally painful tax increases to the rubes who live outstate.

5) Her people skills stand out, even among the Legislature's crowd of extroverts... Among the tales being told about her: She had the good grace, and wits, to yield to a more senior senator the close-to-the-Capitol parking space that goes with her position. With such gestures, lasting alliances are forged.

6) Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian so I could slide my tongue down Terryl Clark's throat, make sweet sweet love to her until dawn, and then rest my head between her creamy thighs 'til we both fell asleap from a sex-soaked fatigue.

7) This session, Clark has become identified with one of the DFL's marquee issues, early childhood education. She's the chief sponsor of a big-ticket bill that would grant early learning allowances to every Minnesota family raising a 3- or 4-year-old. It's undoubtedly too rich for Gov. Tim Pawlenty's blood.

8) Dispite the fact that my nose was well past her anus, I was surprised to note that Senator Clark's rectum smells quite pleasant - like a fresh spring rainshower with a hint of lavendar.

ANSWERS: Nos. 3, 6 and 8 were made up. While #4 does not appear in Sturdevant's article, she was undoubtedly thinking the sentiment expressed therein while writing this vomit-inducing puff piece.

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