Thursday, February 08, 2007

Writing Sample

Dear 2008 Presidential Contender,

As the primaries and election draw ever closer, I am sure you are all beginning the process of hiring your campaign staffs. I am sure that you will be hiring one or more talented ThunderJournalists (or, perhaps, somewhat less-talented "bloggers") to run your campaign blogs. The last two election cycles showed us that campaign blogs are a crucial tool for the candidate to communicate his or her message and shape the debate. As such, your campaigns need to find the best writers out there who can string together complex thoughts and present them in an elegant manner.

Under these criteria, I believe that I am among the best ThunderJournalists around to help you craft your message. Attached please find a sample of my writing style (the topic is feminism and gender equality in the 21st century). I am sure you will find that my abilities, experience and style would immensely help your campaigns.

I look forward to receiving your offers and working on one of your campaigns. If you have any questions, you can contact me at koolaidreport (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Sincerely,

LearnedFoot

(1 Attachment)

=====================WRITING SAMPLE=======================

FUCK GENDER FEMINISTS
By LearnedFoot

Every time I see one of these fucking Andrea Dworkin wannabes my soul vomits half-chewed fucking puppies. I mean, just because you're fat, don't shave your fucking armpits and have a mild case of Down's Syndrome doesn't mean you have to hate on men. Shitfuckers. Why don't you all just die. All you gender feminists can just suck my extremely girthy dick. Fuck fuck fuck.

Seriously, all you fucking ugly cows should start seriously looking in to this thing Ilike to call a fucking "salad." And a fucking hairbrush every fucking now and fucking then wouldn't fucking hurt either.

Oh and shove it up your insufficiently-wiped stink holes while you're at it you fucking buttwipes.

===================END WRITING SAMPLE======================

NOTE TO HIRING MANAGER: Could you feel the impotent rage? I thought so. But if you found this sample to be too much, I am more than capable and willing to dumb it down a bit.

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