Monday, March 05, 2007

Moron Mail

WARNING: The following post is extremely gross. Reader discretion is advised.

You know what I hate? Salad poops. I'm sure you all have experienced one of these at one time or another. Salad poops, as the name implies, are those poops you get usually after eating a large salad. They're soft and runny, but are not quite diarrhea. They tend to consist of small, almost sand-like particles that float on top of the toilet water. And, oy, the smell! But what's really the worst part about a salad poop is that you never really feel like you're done. That whole disgusting process of expelling the intestinal detritus from your body seems wasted. For the next few hours you constantly feel that there's more you need to get out - and indeed often there is; usually in very tiny increments. Then of course, you need to wipe your butt each and every time, until it gets raw and sore. But in the end, you've spent all this time on the porcelain pony with very little of substance to show for it.

This letter, and other rhetoric like it, reminds me of a salad poop:

Under public scrutiny, U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann has had to explain what she really meant ("Iran and Al-Qaida present a real threat," March 2).

This is not the first time that she has rattled off things that appear to have no basis in reality.

LAURIE STAMMERINGDINGLEBERRY, BUFFALO, MINN
.

Oh snap! Let me have a try at this:

On the letters page of the Star Tribune, Laurie Stammeringdingleberry got a letter published slamming Michele Bachmann.

This is not the first time a moron rattled off a vacuous, substance-free letter that amounts to nothing more than empty name-calling. And, with Tim O'Brien picking which letters to print, I'm sure it won't be the last.

LEARNEDFOOTBONER, PLANET LOVETRON

Related side note: Did anyone else find it a little very extremely hilariously ironic that the aforementioned Tim O'Brien devoted half of his Blog House column (running on the same day and on the same page as the above cited Moron mail) to ripping Bachmann for her Iran statement and then went on to close the piece with this:

Time for a "gotcha" armistice

Does John McCain, right, really think that the lives of troops killed in Iraq were "wasted"? No, just as Barack Obama didn't when he said the same thing last month. And, by the way, John Kerry doesn't believe anyone who serves in the military is stupid, and Joe Biden isn't a racist. Let's allow our public figures to be human and misspeak occasionally.

"Thank goodness for bloggers" indeed, Tim. Did you have a salad for dinner Friday night?

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