Monday, April 23, 2007

All I Wanna Do, Is Wipe My Butt - I Got a Feeling I'm Not the Only One

WARNING: The following post is gross, crass, disgusting, vulgar and rude. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

I now think I know why Lance Armstrong divorced Sheryl Crow.

WARNING DANGER DANGER: Stop reading now if you are of tender sensibilities!!!!!

Going down on her is way too disgusting:

I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

From my cold, dead hands Sheryl.

You can take my toilet paper when you pry it from my cold, dead, non-poop-stained hands.

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