Thursday, April 19, 2007

Attention KARnies: Style Sheet Change

In a comment to this post, Minnesota Monitor "Editor" "in" "Chief" Robin, sets the record straight regarding the Fecke Exemption to MinnMoni's Kode o' Ethics:

[T]he fact that for about the 10th time now you've pointed to a COLUMN that a MinMon writer had done and treated it as if it were a reported piece explains everything I've never been able to understand about conservatives but finally get now. You people really don't understand the difference between fact and opinion.

Ahhhh. Now I get it. So if you assert a demonstrable falsehood in a "column," you are not being dishonest, but are merely making an opinion. Even if the assertion is factual in nature.

To close out the comment, Robin added:

You, Mr. Foot, are a hunky sex god.

Or at least I think she meant to add that, even if it didn't appear in her comment. It doesn't matter. This post is a column, and therefore I am not bound by reality. In fact, I don't know why I am even including this disclaimer. You should merely have to take my word as objective reality, since I am of the opinion that I am indeed a sex god.

With a freakishly large penis.

I am rather relieved to be unbound by the constraints of Truth and Fact. I have spiked a great many posts columns because they were based on a completely fabricated premise. But now I am free to let her fly. After all, if an august well-funded hatchet blog with an official code of ethics can do it, than why can't we? Here's an example of a post I never published because of my then ill-informed ethical compass:

THIS GENERATION IS A BUNCH OF PANSY-ASSED WUSSGOBLINS

The other day, I was playing a little one-on-one roundball with my good friend Dwayne Wade. I punctuated my third straight (shutout) victory with a thunderous two-handed dunk over his considerable 9-foot 17-inch frame. A tear rolled down his cheek while he whined "Why'd you have to humiliate me like that?"

What a pansy! Just like all of you. You're all a bunch of pansy-assed pansies. Why can't y'all be more like me?

QED

So, fellow KARnies, now that we are adequately educated about what the difference between an opinion ("you are a pansy") and a fact ("I totally schooled D-Wade") I expect all of your outputs to increase as a result of this new found freedom. Just be sure to tag your column with the appropriate "a column" label. Then you can just write whatever the hell you want and call it a fact.

Unless someone objects, in which case that very same assertion should be characterized as an opinion. Is that clear? Good. Get writing.

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