11. Get a case of Coors, a bottle of Jergens, and every DVD Lindsay Lohan has ever made.
10. Redeem that coupon for one free glockenspiel lesson from Mitch Berg.
9. Pressure Brian "St. Paul" Ward to pay tribute to his big day by mentioning his blog an extra 17 times on NARN broadcast.
8. Cash in back-dated stock options; Go to Canterbury Downs; Bet it all on horse most likely to break its leg coming out of the gate.
7. Visit every bar within a 100 mile radius that offers a free birthday drink.
6. Reenact final scene of the Sopranos at Mickey's Diner with onion rings brought from home.
5. Pretend to be 15 years old so he can get into the Jimmy Carter Presidential library for free.
4. Apply for advance placement AARP membership.
3. Attempt to hit all 47 area Applebee's, so he can get his free birthday appetizer at each.
2. Talk about Notre Dame football (this is actually no different than any other day).
1. Take a day off from posting crap.