A group of activists who describe themselves as "anarchists and anti-authoritarians" will hold a private strategy session over the Labor Day weekend to discuss plans to protest at the Republican National Convention to be held in St. Paul Sept. 1-4, 2008.
The group, called the RNC Welcoming Committee, held a news conference Monday at the Jack Pine Community Center on Lake Street in Minneapolis, where Bea Bridges, speaking for the committee, showed a video that hinted at confrontational tactics, read a statement and walked out, taking no questions.
The Jack Pine Community Center is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit whose "non-lobbying" lobbying activities will henceforth be much more closely scrutinized by frequent surly commenter "Master of None," I'm sure.
And why the hell didn't the Strib send a reporter to the PreMilF press conference? Hell, why didn't anybody? Captain Ed didn't even sign on to the conference call. I mean, sure it was just a golf outing. But we had fireworks! And beer. And - unlike these bozos - a life. Certainly that was just as newsworthy as a handful of socially maladjusted teenagers who, despite their extremely slight stature, are talking awfully big.
Well, you all missed an exquisitely decorated pie buffet catered by the Notorious B.I.L. Your loss.
The group had sent out an announcement last week, saying questions had to be submitted by e-mail a week in advance.
Only Minnesota Monitor submitted one.
(That joke is pretty funny if you get it.)
Bridges said the group favors "ending capitalism, imperialism, patriarchy and all other forms of hierarchy" to be replaced with "direct, participatory democracy."
What about anal rape of sheep? Did you catch that? They didn't mention anal rape of sheep!
These people support ovine anal rape!
She said the group would not seek permits to demonstrate, and said efforts to restrict protesters in that way constituted repression and a "violent threat."
In discussing future tactics, she said, "Some may choose to resist state violence using pacifist tactics, while others use whatever methods they deem necessary and appropriate."
I do believe she's insinuating that these buck-oh-five children are planning on using violence. And given what we know about their proclivities, from the previous paragraph, that can only mean one thing:
They're planning on a mass anal raping of sheep! In protest of Republican policies!
This is diabolical to the core.
She said they are expecting "a few hundred people" to attend this weekend's gathering, of which about half are expected to come from out of town.
So they're meeting this weekend.
In the Twin Cities.
You know what else is going on this weekend in the Twin Cities?
The State Fair.
You know what's at the State Fair?
Shitloads and shitloads of sheep.
All, with anuses.
Connect the dots, people (and be ready for some ribald waif anarchists in the sheep barn)!
According to an earlier statement on its website, [We Anally Rape Sheep], the group plans workshops and a bus tour of the Twin Cities on Saturday and a private strategy session at Jack Pine on Sunday that is closed to the media. It plans to hold a news conference next Monday.
Which will be attended by, I am certain, a Strib reporter. Because if there's one thing these malnourished, unemployed, basement-dwelling anal rapers of sheep need is attention.
Darrin Blackford, a spokesman for the Secret Service in Washington, D.C., and Tom Walsh, a spokesman for the St. Paul police department, each said they had no comment.
Why do the police and the Secret Service hate sheep?
A separate coalition of antiwar groups, which includes Women Against Military Madness, the Anti-War Committee and the Iraq Peace Action Coalition, has already announced plans for a mass march to protest the war in Iraq on Sept. 1, 2008 near Xcel Center in St. Paul where the convention will take place. They say their march will be a peaceful, legal demonstration.
Where's the "Coalition Against Sheep Anal Rape?" (CASAR).
Maybe we should form it and hold a press conference.
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