Monday, August 13, 2007

He Has the Journal, But We Have the Thunder - PART I

OBNOXIOUS PACKER GUY: Y'know Bill, I'm awfully disenchanted with this ThunderJournal right now. The working conditions are lousy - no beer in the break room, the pay is nonexistent - no beer in the break room, and I feel I have been underutilized these past few months. To make matters worse, a looming champagne shortage threatens to put prices out of my reach!

BILL: I hear ya' brother!

DEMENTEE: AND DEMENTEE NOT EATEN MOONBAT IN LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!

JOE TUCCI: And what's more, we could really use a dental plan, what with Bill constantly serving us all those delicious pies!

OPG: Amen!

BILL: Well, guys, I may know of a solution to help improve our lot...

TUCCI: What's that boss?

DEM: YES!!!!! DO TELL!!!!!! DON'T LEAVE DEMENTEE HANGIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OPG: *burp*

BILL: Well, inspired by an idea that was hatched by some of those rascally scamps at Yearly KOS, the contributors over at Nihilist in Golf Pants have organized their own labor union. Maybe if we banded together we'd have more bargaining strength, and we could get LearnedFoot to heel to our demands for a better working environment!

TUCCI: And I could realize my dreams of becoming a corrupt union boss getting fat off of kickbacks, dues skimming and extortion, just like I see in the movies.

BILL: I like your attitude, Joe.

DEM: DEMENTEE THINK THIS GREAT IDEA AND THINK WE SHOULD TAKE VOTE!!!!!!!!!

BILL: OK, all in favor of forming a union, say AYE.

EVERYBODY EXCEPT OPG: Aye!!!

BILL: All opposed?

OPG: Nay! *burp*

TUCCI: Vote "aye" or I will hit you in the kneecaps with this crowbar...

OPG: Aye. Whatever. *burp*

BILL: The "ayes" have it. We're a union! Now, I think we should start planning a strike.

DEM: ME AGREE!!!!! ME NOT FEEL LIKE POSTING FOR WHILE!!!!!!

BILL: See, D, that's the problem. How can we make LearnedFoot know that we're on strike, since none of us ever posts anything anyway? It's kind of like when the WB canceled "Space Hooptie": you read about it in the papers, but you're all like "what the hell was 'Space Hooptie'? Was that a sitcom or something?" See, we need Foot to take notice that we're not happy.

OPG: *Burp* Why don't we just, uh, tell him?

TUCCI: And pass up the chance to make a spectacle of ourselves while engaging in an amusing narrative / running gag? Tell him? I think not!

BILL: Tucci's right. We need to commandeer control of this ThunderJournal, mangle its content, and make folks pay attention to the plight of us lowly ThunderJournalists. And I have just the plan...

To be continued...

No comments: