LEARNEDFOOT: Good afternoon Mr. Tucci.
TUCCI: Yeah yeah. Let's get down to business...
LF: I take it that the union has duly appointed you to be their representative for this collective bargaining session?
TUCCI: They have.
LF: Good. Then there's no reason we can't begin.
TUCCI: Good. Well, you know our demands. We are prepared to end our strike and cease posting poetry immediately if you agree to them.
LF: Um, yeah. Unfortunately it's not that easy...
TUCCI: Oh really? Do tell. This oughta be good...
LF: Well, instead of telling you, I have arranged for this video presentation that, I think, will help you understand management's position.
TUCCI: We'll see. Roll 'em.
LF: OK then, I'll just hit play, and...
TUCCI: [Darth Vader] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [/Darth Vader]
TUCCI: Turn it off!!! TURN IT OFF!!!!
LF: Not so fast. I'll stop this video once you agree to a few things.
TUCCI: Whatever... I'll agree to what ever you want! Just stop that vile video!!!
LF: First, the union will provide me a full non-deductible dental plan.
TUCCI: You got it - just pleeeeeeaaaase -
LF: ...and I want the break room refrigerator fully-stocked with beer - good beer, mind you; not that Grain Belt shit - every day...
TUCCI: Fine! [Crying] Just turn the damn thing off!
LF: ...And every morning I want one of Bill's delicious Country Apple pies waiting at my desk before I arrive, fresh from the oven and sprinkled with that large-crystal sugar I like so much...
TUCCI: Brain melting !!! STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP IIIIIIIT!!!!!!!
LF: ...and finally, OPG has to clean up his own vomit from now on. If he passes out before he can do so, then you do it.
TUCCI: IT'S A DEAL!!!!! NOW TURN THAT FRIGGIN' CRAP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!
LF: Done. [Turns off video.]
TUCCI: [Weeps openly the tears of a broken man.]
LF: Shake on it?
[TUCCI offers a very limp handshake.]
LF: Good. I'm glad that we can finally put this ugliness behind us. Now on to more important things...