Monday, August 27, 2007

The Pitcher Comes Home

Yes the Royal and Ancient Lord Jones' Pitcher is now back where it belongs: atop my refrigerator. After one of the guttiest performances ever seen at any level of the game, Bill Team KARNation walloped the field, and turned back a repeat bid by the 2nd place Comment Trolls, with a MilF-record 87.

The home team weathered a back-nine swoon that included a snowman on 12, a meltdown on 17 and a complete lack of the bikini chick on 14 to win the plastic and the $100 purse. The 15th was especially comical for the Dream Foursome (pictured at right), which saw 8 - count 'em, 8 - pristine little white balls fresh out of the box go to their final resting place in the Davy Jones' Locker of the pond. Suffice it to say that this will be the last you hear of TPC Valleywood 15 from me and King Bananaaiananainan. What happens on 15, stays on 15.

The highlight of the afternoon was the final group's approach to the 18th green, when Resident Brooklynite Mark Yost, dressed in full Ginney regalia, bumped and grinded the flagstick while Andy "Teh Hak" Aplicowski took 5 strokes to hit the green from about 50 yards out. (Close 2nd: Rick/Rich "Coulda Woulda" Shutta hitting the gazebo next to the clubhouse, resulting in a sound that rivaled The Noise From the Bowels of Hell.)

Other special accolades:

The Jeff Fecke Lost Balls Award went to LearnedFoot for blowing through 3 sleeves of balls on the back nine.

The Spotty - Awarded to the player who exhibited the most grotesquely hubris-soaked overestimation of his own game - was won by Andy Aplikowski, for claiming that field low handicapper Mike Gehrity didn't actually shoot an 85, as if that made a difference to Andy's second to last place team which shot a 104.

The Jeff Fecke Look-Alike Contest was won by dark-horse Northern Alliance Wannabe Dan Stover.

And finally, The Eva Young Memorial Rediculous Looser Award - given to the last place finisher - was won by Team Policy Guy Wannabe who shot a mind-bendingly bad 110.

An additional, non-dubious shout out goes to our Master of Sausages, Surly Dave. The M.O.S. title is his for as long as he wants it.
Also big ups to the Head of Alfredo Garcia for his, er, "live" "blog" of the event. Perhaps he should take a cue from Mitch Berg and actually try to take up the game, rather than criticizing it from afar...
The Post-MilF was an unqualified success, raising $200 for Soldier's Angels, and earning the ire of at least one neighbor. And Bill and I once again revisited that age-old question: "What happens when you jam 30 or 40 sparklers into a metal tube and then stick a bunch of bottle rockets on top of the sparklers and then light the sparklers?"

The answer was, as always, impressive. (Andy may or may not have video of this.)

Ben Whiteboy has the comprehensive posts about the Post MilF (One, Two). As far as I can tell, it's fairly accurate, save for some of the photographs. I'm pretty sure I don't have that many chins.

Keep your eyes peeled for the starting of the hype for MilF 4: Banaian vs. the Swamp, beginning in a few weeks. Thanks to everyone whose presence / participation / tolerance of Moonchild's repeated punches to the groin, made this year's MilF a success.

(Pics courtesy of the aforementioned Ben and Resident Dago, Yostie.)

UPDATE: Dan Stoverfecke has more pics.

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