Tuesday, September 25, 2007

OPG FAQ

My post yesterday has stirred some controversy. This seems as good a time as any to crack open the mailbag and respond to my fan mail.

Why don't you pony up for the NFL package? --Chad E., Bonerville

Because Foot has Dish Network and is too lazy to change over to the NFL Sunday Ticket exclusive carrier DirecTV. I don't push him though, since I at least can get Cinemax After Dark.

So why not go to one of the thirty-nine local bars showing the game like a real Packer fan? --Chad E., Bonerville

Because, you annoying little Viking fan puke, I am banned for life from 38 of those establishments. The 39th makes shitty bloody maries - only 4 jiggers of vodka.

Um, heloooo? It's spelled "bloody MarYS". --Bob D., The South

Listen Pal - when you get your third liver transplant you can spell it any way you damn well please.

Would you try your hand at a Moron Mail? Please? -- Fred Bonerman, Minneapolis

Well, this sort of thing is better left to the pros, but I think I can give it a whirl. Here's one:

He may have been a great offensive coordinator for the Eagles, but he is a rotten head coach! Simply and sadly, it's time for Brad Childress to go.

ALAN DIPSHITVIKINGFANBONER, GOLDEN VALLEY

No no no no no no NO! You moron! The Vikings need to extend Childress' contract through 2097. He should be the Vikings' coach for life! They're 3 and 10 in their last 13 games, fer cryin' out loud! Why mess with a good thing? You, Mr. Dipshitvikingfanboner - if that is your real name - are a moron.

What is your political ideology? I need to know this so I know whether or not to call you brilliant or hacktacular on my shitty little blog. - Jeff F. Eagan

As I am a mere section of LearnedFoot's id, I have no voting rights. But if you must know, I'm a card-carrying Lambeautarian

Will this OPG FAQ be cross posted at True North? --Ahndee Aye., Blaine

Shit farts ass butt orgasm.

No.

Any advice for the Pack regarding the upcoming game against the hated Purple? -- Mike M., DePere

1) Take care of the ball. Two turnovers or less, you win. Period.

2) On defense, keep their sole offensive weapon on the sideline by running Exotic Blitz Packages on every down.

Any more questions? Is that all? Good.

God bless America, and God Bless the Green Bay Packers.

This OPG FAQ is over!

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