Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Game On

Let the campaign for MOB Mayor commence! Here are your candidates:

King Bananaman (SCSU Scholaz)

Nominated by: Self

Profile: As chair of the Economics department at a third tier state university, Baniaiaian promises to bring fiscal sanity to the MOB on a raft of charts, graphs and vowels.

Candidate's Statement: None.

NightWriter (The Night Writer)

Nominated by: Surly Dave (Master of Sausages)

Profile: An erstwhile family man with an 18 year-old daughter who is constantly getting hit on by troglodyte MOBsters well below her station. Winner of the special "Number of the Beast Award" at the 2007 MilF.

Candidate's Statement: "Buy her another beer Kevie, and I'll use your scrotum as a tennis racket."

Atomizer (Fraters Libertas)

Nominated by: Chad the Elder

Profile: Drunk surly guy who appeals mainly to other drunk, surly guys. Thus, an early favorite. Only nominated because Chad thought that it might annoy him.

Candidate's statement: "What now?"

Tracy Eberly (Anti-Strib)

Nominated by: A bunch of his droogs

Profile: Because of a series of stupid and insulting assumptions (as in they were not only the complete opposite of reality, but they were more embarrassing to him than anyone else) about the background of your humble Minister of Elections pooped out by him in a comment thread, questions were raised about Mr. Eberly's ability to meet the minimum IQ requirement (11). After careful thought, we decided to allow his candidacy, as KAR did not want to be accused of suppressing the moronic troll bloc of voters.

Candidate's statement: "I hv mnsn!"

Andy Applecowski (Rezijewel Froces) (Incumbent)

Nominated by: Default

Profile: Mayer Andee presided over a long period of MOB peace and prosperity after the tumult of the Bogus Doug administration. This obviously makes him unworthy of your vote.

Candidate's statement: "Hay! Stpo riping on mi speeling!"

Gary "Geminem Money" Miller (Various)

Nominated by: First Ringer

Profile: If it hadn't have been for Gary's brainchild "Kennedy v. Machine," Mark Kennedy may have lost his Senate bid by as much as 25 points. A true non-partisan, Gary is quick to endorse candidates regardless of party affiliation as long as they're smokin' hot. Sings back up in the Metallica tribute band Metallic-a-Capella. Another early favorite, expect him to use his affiliations with 178 different blogs to bring home the vote.

Candidate's statement: "F**k it all, and f**king no regrets."

Ryan Rhodes (My ThunderJournal!)

Nominated by: Bjork

Profile: The only ThunderJournalist in this year's race, Ryan promises to finish third. Again. Not worth a hill of beans as a person. (Clearly.)

Candidate's statement: "ASSROCKET!"

Lady Logician (Ladies Logic)

Nominated by: Self

Profile: Cubs fan. Also just barely cleared the minimum IQ requirement.

Candidate's statement: none

Bobo the Talking Chimp (KAR)

Nominated by: LearnedFoot

Profile: The MOB is ready for a mayor from the Talking Monkey Community. Bobo is the candidate of destiny.

Candidate's statement: Can be found here.

Kevin Ecker (EckerNet)

Nominated by: self

Profile: He owns guns.

Candidate's statement: "Mall Diva, I can haz date?"

Speed Gibson (Speed Gibson)

Profile: An erstwhile family man who does not have an 18 year-old daughter who is constantly getting hit on by troglodyte MOBsters well below her station. No chance.

Candidate's statement: "[I] will be what Stanley Blackburn was to the AWA."

Teaparty (Les Enfant Terrible)

Nominated by: self

Profile: If you thought the French blog name was gay, and his handle even gayer, check out his candidate's statement.

Candidate's statement: "[I]n my position as Mayor I promise to suck...MOB members on a regular basis...felate." (source)


Leo Pusateri - Still serving a ban of indeterminate length for voter fraud in a past election.

Bogus Doug - We think he may be dead.

Bjork - Not a MOBster; her shrieking reminds us of MNObserver.

Candidates, start your mudslinging!

No comments: