Friday, October 26, 2007

MORE OUTRAGE!!!! Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog Fabricated Stories!!!!

In 2005, the Nihilist on Golf Pants blog ran three-part series detailing one of its contributor's experiences as a detainee in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. KAR has now learned that these stories were completely false.

In the series entitled "One Day in the Life of Sisyphus" Sisyphus told the story of several events that allegedly transpired while he was detained in Gitmo. After an intensive investigation, we have learned that there are a number of fraudulent assertions in those pieces; enough to call into question the entire veracity of the series. To wit:

* In part I, it is claimed: "Sisyphus never overslept". This is patently false. Sisyphus always oversleeps.

* Also in Part I: "Sisyphus stepped on the scale. The dial spun around for minutes before gradually coming to rest at 262 pounds". Again, patently false.

* In Part II:

Sisyphus’ glasses fogged up as he stepped out of the hyper-air conditioned hut 7 and into the humid Cuban air. He had often complained to the warders about the over-cold air conditioning, but the answer was always the same: petition rejected.

This is false. Everybody knows that the air conditioning at Gitmo is kept at the torturously hot level of 76.5 degrees to wear down the inmates for interrogation.

* Also in Part II, Sisyphus is tasked with painting the lines of the soccer field:

Sisyphus was not surprised [about being assigned to draw the boundary lines]. The application of the boundary lines was the most difficult job, and as usual, it fell to the two most skilled workers in the gang.

This is false. Sisyphus doesn't know what a soccer field looks like.

* Again, in Part II:

Sisyphus sat down and ate half of the donut and put the other half in his shirt to eat during the soccer game. Saeed led the gang out onto the field and assigned the gang to their positions; he made Sisyphus the goalkeeper to take advantage of his cat-like agility.

This is false. I don't even need to tell you why.

Added to these obvious falsehoods are these additional facts: the Defense Department has no record of any Gitmo detainee named "Sisyphus", and Sisyphus' whole series seemed to be plagiarized from Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's classic novel One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich.

Repeated requests for comment from the Nihilist in Golf Pants blog's eponymous editor on these revelations have been ignored, save for one cryptic e-mail message that read "I hate that fucker!" No word on if the NIGP has opened an investigation into the falsehoods published by this Gitmo Fabulist.

Developing...

NOTE: This new disgrace comes on the heels of yet another burgeoning scandal in which the Nihilist in Golf Pants reported that the Wetterling foundation told Al Gore to "suck it." The Wetterling Foundation disputes the charge.

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