Friday, November 02, 2007

Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About a Greek Mythological Allegory to Tracy Eberly's Mayoral Campaign

As the sun breaks above the ground
An old man stands on the hill
As the ground warms to the first rays of light
A birdsong shatters the still

His eyes are ablaze
See the madman in his gaze --Iron Maiden

In the early days of the election candidate Eberly exuded an aura of confidence. With a hardy band of droogs who numbered in the dozens by virtue of his practice of inviting every person who ever commented on Anti-Strib to blog there, he possessed a singularly unique built-in base of support. It didn't hurt that he routinely plied them with Scotch, eventually turning them all (except for Sequel) into his own little army of mindless drones easily open to suggestion.

Fly on your way like an eagle
Fly as high as the sun
On your wings like an eagle
Fly and touch the sun -- Iron Maiden

And the early returns bore his advantage out. By Tuesday, Eberly's campaign had built a seemingly insurmountable lead. With his zombie army casting 2, maybe 3, votes a day each for him with a mere 3 days left until the polls closed, this one appeared to be in the bag. A victory of historic proportions loomed ahead: the first ever MOB Mayoral election won without a runoff.

Now the crowd breaks and a young boy appears
Looks the old man in his eyes
As he spreads his wings and shouts at the crowd
"In the name of God my Father I fly

Success! Sweet, sweet success! Look at meeeeee!

And they did. Instead of continuing to vote.

Yes, as with all good Greek mythology, the early success of any mortal individual usually ends very, very badly.

His eyes seem so glazed
As he flies on the wings of a dream
Now he knows his Father betrayed
Now his wings burn to ashes to ashes his grave --Iron Maiden

In a three-man/one-monkey race, resting on your laurels (or gliding on your wings) gets you burned.

Baniaiaiaiaiaiaiaian picked up some key endorsements while going on the attack. Atomizer's Rove-like campaign manager, Chad the Elder, motivated the base, and before you knew it, both had double digit leads over the fading-like-Phil-Mickleson-with-heatstroke Eberly.

And so now it comes to pass, that our top two candidates having defeated the field, but not having garnered a simple majority of votes cast, shall engage in a cage match drink-off dance-off runoff election!

(We here at KAR have no qualms about having a runoff, as - unlike certain large moonbat infested nearby cities - there are rarely any fringe candidates who might benefit from it. Like Teaparty, for example.)

So we wrap up this historic campaign season with a showdown between our final 2 next week. I like to call it:

Ballistic: Baniaiaiaiaiaiain v. Atomizer

Yes our next Mayor will be a NARNian. Or a drunk.

Polls open Monday and close on Wednesday. And so we offer these final words of inspiration to our Greek god-like candidates, from Iron Maiden to them:

Fly on your way like an eagle
Fly as high as the sun
On your wings like an eagle
Fly and touch the sun --Iron Maiden

Good luck candidates. Full results below.

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