Thursday, December 27, 2007

You Stay Classy, Enviro-catastrophist Nutjubs!

NOTE TO THE SOUTH: Unstable moonbat wants you dead so lefties can rule our country with a beneficent fist:

Say what you will about the looming catastrophe facing the world as the pace of global heating and polar melting accelerates. There is a silver lining.

It's complete bullshit?

Look at a map of the US.

I'm familiar with it, go on...

The area that will by completely inundated by the rising ocean—and not in a century but in the lifetime of my two cats—are the American southeast, including the most populated area of Texas, almost all of Florida, most of Louisiana, and half of Alabama and Mississippi, as well as goodly portions of eastern Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. While the northeast will also see some coastal flooding, its geography is such that that aside from a few projecting sandbars like Long Island and Cape Cod, the land rises fairly quickly to well above sea level. Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes. The West Coast too tends to rise rapidly to well above sea level in most places. Only down in Southern California towards the San Diego area is the ground closer to sea level.

Aha! The obliteration of nearly a third of this country is a "silver lining"! This guy's about as stable as Rosie O'Donnell on a Xanax and doughnut fast.

And I abhor the fact that I will have long forgotten this post by the time this turd's cats snuff it.

So what we see is that huge swaths of conservative America are set to face a biblical deluge in a few more presidential cycles.

And there you have it: massive death = WIN for John Edwards' Second America! Is this what that idiot Communist Norwegian bigot means when he blathers on about "eliminationist rhetoric"?

Then there’s the matter of the Midwest, which climate experts say is likely to face a permanent condition of unprecedented drought, making the place largely unlivable, and certainly unfarmable. The agribusinesses and conservative farmers that have been growing corn and wheat may be able to stretch out this doomsday scenario by deep well drilling, but west of the Mississippi, the vast Ogallala Aquifer that has allowed for such irrigation is already being tapped out. It will not be replaced.

Presumably, the liberal farmers will be largely unaffected, what with their ability to access water through Al Gore's internet.

This has got to be a satire.

So again, we will see the decline and depopulation of the nation’s vast midsection—noted for its consistent conservatism. Only in the northernmost area, around the Great Lakes (which will be not so great anymore), and along the Canadian border, will there still be enough rain for farming and continued large population concentrations, but those regions, like Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois, are also more liberal in their politics.

Finally, in the Southwest, already parched and stiflingly hot, the rise in energy costs and the soaring temperatures will put an end to right-wing retirement communities like Phoenix, Tucson and Palm Springs. Already the Salton Sea is fading away and putting Palm Springs on notice that the good times are coming to an end. Another right-wing haven soon to be gone.

You are seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren't you?

So the future political map of America is likely to look as different as the much shrunken geographical map, with much of the so-called “red” state region either gone or depopulated.

There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact.

Please, please please call me after your cats die (does it surprise anyone that this fool has multiple cats?). I will fly out personally to tell you to "suck it".

The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city.

Oh, that's quite all right - we're the ones that own all the guns. Also, since all the farmers are (scrolling up to double check) conservative, we won't give you any food either. So neener neener neener pffffffffft!

They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes.

Ah yes! that whole forced one-party thing that has worked out so well elsewhere when it's been tried! We all bow to your ignorance of history while assuming your infallability to predict our dim dim future!

There will be much work to be done to help the earth and its residents—human and non-human—survive this man-made catastrophe, and we can’t have these future refugee troglodytes, should their personal disasters still fail to make them recognize reality, mucking things up again.

We'll just let that graf hang there, without comment, and allow the reader to glean all the evil that it implies.

It should be considered acceptable, in this stifling new world, to say, “Shut up. We told you this would happen.

Again, call me when your cats are dead. We can meet on the beach in Missouri.

Moron.

Oh, there's an "About the Author" blurb. Read it. Draw your own conclusions.

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