Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Drinking Makes the Cognitive Dissonance Go Away

Throughout their youth, we admonish our children not to talk to, or take candy from, strangers. Then one day a year, we allow them to do both.

This is why I always carry a pocket flask filled with whisky when I take the munchkins trick or treating.

LearnedFoot and the Chamber of Morons

A very special Holloween Moron Mail.

LearnedFoot collected himself off the ground and attempted to rise. He didn't get very far, as sharp pains shot up the leg he had landed on. Foot dropped back down on his side and saw the delicious looking burrito he was about to eat when he was suddenly sucked into this dank new place.

A portkey, he thought. Someone turned my burrito into a portkey that brought me here.

And "here" was not a nice place. The dimly lit cave appeared spare and empty, save for the few rocks strewn about its floor. The walls and rocks appeared to be covered with feces, as if a million monkeys had a poop flinging fight here not too long ago. The poop was the only thing that gave evidence that some creature above the level plant life had ever been here -- but indeed these creatures did not seem to be far removed from plant life.

Again, Foot struggled to get up, this time successfully. He awkwardly limped around the cave, looking for a way out. He looked up and saw something written on a rocky outcropping jutting down from the ceiling. Foot illuminated his wand and pointed the light toward the writing. A shiver jolted up his spine when he read it:

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

The uneasiness he felt from finding himself here intensified into outright panic. He was in the Strib Letters section - no place for a well-adjusted, intelligent and talented wizard. Indeed, it was no place for a muggle either.

Suddenly, Foot sensed the faint odor of patcouli. Then he heard an ear-piercing shriek. Foot spun around to see a figure dressed in a hooded robe that was covered from head to foot with pins and buttons, all communicating some dim left-wing slogan. Though Foot had never seen one in person before, he knew exactly what this figure was.

A Shit Eater.

Before Foot even had time to absorb this, the Shit Eater leveled its wand at him and muttered a curse.

"Specious bullshitius!"

A ray of puke orange light shot from the end of the Shit Eater's wand. Foot found himself up against the not-so-dreaded Ignoramous Curse. The Ignoramous Curse generally causes its target to bang his or her head repeatedly against hard objects because of the curse caster's
refusal to acknowledge facts that are right in front of his or her face. Foot found these words coming at him rapidly:

Katherine Kersten's latest, "The pariahs of our college campuses" (Oct. 25), is nothing less than an analytical disappointment. She claims "stifling liberal orthodoxy where contrary beliefs are persecuted" yet fails to give examples -- only general claims. Making unsupported assertions does support the kind of critical analysis needed to meet any basic standard of excellence higher education requires.

The Shit Eater followed quickly with a Condescension Curse:

If this is the type of work being presented by students who feel persecuted, it is no wonder their analyses are in question.

The Ignoramous Curse is one of the most easily defended curses. Foot considered which defense he should use. There was the Personal Experience Charm (Foot had received a D on a paper once in an English class for an no more reason than overtly political reaction - an extremely debatable one at that - by the grader at the Univerity of Wizardsota once; and in another class he had a professor that did nothing but rip on Newt Gingrich for about 3/4 of each class period -- names available on request). Or he could opt for the Contradiction Charm (from Kersten's column: "'I definitely know of students whose grades have suffered because they became identified as a conservative in class,' said Dorobiala. If this happens, it's 'very difficult to defend yourself. The authorities -- your adviser, department chairs -- think you're complaining because you didn't do your work.'")

And, of course, whenever a wizard takes down an Ignoramous Curse, any attendant Condescension Curses are defeated as well.

Upon reflection, Foot decided to go with the Reading Comprehension Curse. He pointed his wand at the approaching curses and yelled:

"Pissoffus dooshbagius!"

Neon green words flew out of the end of his wand in a beeline at the approaching curse:

Dorobiala was one of the few students who agreed to speak on the record about the problem.

Foot's Reading Comprehension Curse collided with the Ignoramous Curse. The two curses melded into a brown ball of light, bounced around the cave a bit and then shot straight through the Shit Eater's chest. The Shit Eater evaporated into a puff of smug banality.

Having not been very put out with his encounter with the Shit Eater, Foot resumed his search for a way out of the Letters to the Editor Cave.

As he pressed on through the chambers, Foot began to feel a slight pain in his left butt cheek. It was the scar. In a previous battle with another Shit Eater, Foot had been struck by a Neoconnius Redherringus charm. The charm was so dazzlingly stupid, that it left Foot at a loss for words as well as with a permanent butt-shaped scar on his ass.

It could only mean one thing: the Dark Lord was near.

Foot quickened his pace, trying to ignore the still excruciating pain in his leg. And his ass. Then he heard it. That droning, sniveling high-pitched laugh.

"tee hee hee hee - er, *coff* *coff* I mean: MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Foot spun around on his good leg and extended his wand. There in front of him was Strib Letter's editor, "Blog House Columnist," and LearnedFoot's archnemesis, Lord Tim O'Bonermort.

"At last, I have you," O'Bonermort sneered. ""You have dispatched hundreds of my Shit Eaters and have mocked me in your 'Blog Marts'. Now I shall have my revenge. tee hee hee - MWAH HA HA!!!"

But Foot was too quick for him.

"Extendus boneramus!"

A purple pulse of groovy light shot from Foot's wand and connected with O'Bonermort's forehead. The Dark Lord stood stunned for a moment, until he noticed the 8 inch long penis growing out of his forehead.

"What the - What the hell did you do that for?" O'Bonermort cried.

Foot was too busy laughing to answer.

"This ends now!" Screamed O'Bonermort. "No more will you mock me or my Shit Eaters on your so-called ThunderJournal! Prepare to die!" O'Bonermort thrust his wand at Foot and shrieked "Ima dumbass extremis!"

The dreaded Drool Charm.

A blob of words emanated from the Dark Lord's wand, rose toward the ceiling and arranged themselves into an ostensibly coherent pattern:

The news that Albus Dumbledore is gay shouldn't come as a huge surprise to faithful fans of the "Harry Potter" series. Look at the way he dressed. I mean, hello, Mary! I suspected he might be gay, but his character is British; don't they all seem a little gay? Author J.K. Rowling put all the rumors to rest when she announced that Albus indeed shared the love that dared not speak its name. How courageous of her. Rather than make the character overtly gay in the books, teaching millions of children a lesson in tolerance, she made it so subtle the revelation was shocking news. She gets no credit from this quarter.

The curse advanced slowly toward Foot. He stood transfixed at its sheer stupidity. That was the insidious danger of the Drool Charm - its lame attempts at humor, its disconnection from the facts, and its overall stultifying imbecility had the effect of paralyzing the cursed, confusing him to believe that it wasn't real since such stupidity could not possibly exist in the real world. The glowing mass of words paused for a moment, and then shot straight for Foot's head.

Foot remained in a stupor. The charm reared back and plunged headlong at him. It hit his forehead, bounced off and then shattered against one of the poop covered walls.

"Wha - what, now?" Foot shook himself back into consciousness. "Oh yeah: you are a retard."

O'Bonermort recoiled at the insult. He bellowed, "How dare you -"

Foot cut him off. "You are a raging moron, you know that? The sexual orientation of an elderly wizard in a children's novel is absolutely irrelevant to the story of the travails of a boy wizard. You turd."

"Listen here - " O'Bonermort protested, only to be interrupted again.

"No, you listen to me, jackass. Let me get this straight - you are banging on probably the best children's story writer of this generation simply because she failed to take the opportunity to use an irrelevant bit of background trivia about how she - herself - viewed one of her characters to preach some imagined virtue of yours? Am I getting that right?

O'Bonermort demurred, "Well -"

"Shut up! I have had enough of you!" And with that, Foot raised his wand in the air and performed a summoning charm.

"Dementeeus getherenowius!"

Seconds later Dementee apparated at LearnedFoot's side. "WHAT'S UP, FOOT????!!!!!!" he growled.

Lord O'Bonermort trembled. "No - NO! Not a Dementee!" His insides turned cold, and his now uncontrollable shaking caused the 8 inch penis protruding from his forehead to alternately slap each of his eyes.

"Dementee, eat this dimwit." Foot ordered.

"YOU GOT IT FOOT!!!!! COME TO DEMENTEE, TASTY MOONBAT!!!!! ROOOOOWWWWRRRRR!!!!!" Dementee advanced on the Dark Lord and swallowed him whole. A look of regret quickly washed across his furry blue face.

"OH NO!!!! ME SO SORRY!!!!! DEMENTEE SHOULD HAVE SAVED SOME FOR YOU!!!!!!!!" Dementee said guiltily.

"Not a problem, my man," Foot reassured him, "I've already got lunch." Foot once again raised his wand, and performed another summoning charm.

"Burritus inmyhandnowus!"

The portkey burrito that had brought foot here whooshed into the chamber and stopped, floating in midair at Foot's side. "Need a ride, Dementee?"

"NO!!!! ME THINK ME WALK!!!!"

"Suit yourself. Thanks for your help!"

"NO PROBLEMO!!!!!!" smiled Dementee.

Foot smiled back, then grabbed the Burrito, and teleported back to work.

THE END?

Just in Case Fark Drops the Ball on this One

I can't believe this guy isn't polling higher among the intensely paranoid left:

In the weird last minutes of the debate...Rep. Dennis Kucinich (Ohio) gave us a highlight.

Asked about the statement by actress Shirley MacLaine that Kucinich had seen a UFO at her house, Kucinich said that he had. He quickly sought to clarify -- an "unidentified flying object" he said holding up his hand -- but man oh man.

When Shirley MacClain comes up during a Presidential debate, you've really gotta wonder if anybody even remotely associated with that debate ought to be taken seriously.

The big news tonight: DENNIS KUCINICH HAS SEEN A UFO.

Obama did not take the bait when asked whether he thought there is life on other planets. "I believe there is life here on Earth," he said, turning his answer into a domestic policy statement.

It's official. The Democratorian nominating process is a freakshow.

Had to do it:





UPDATE -- Heh:

Seriously, Richardson, the governor of New Mexico, called on the government to declassify all Roswell documents. He brought it up himself when Chris Matthews was joking about Kucinich's UFO answer. He said the government hasn't "come clean" on the issue. His campaign will surely say he was joking, he has a sense of humor. But even though he was laughing in some parts of that answer, he wasn't joking about THAT.


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Happy Halloween from KAR




(Via)

Government Of, By and For the DFL: The Return of Strib Endorsement Watch

Yay! It's Endorsement Week at the Strib! And once again, we here at KAR will be tracking the Strib's endorsements to see just how reliably left-wing the editorial board is (a quick bit of advice: this is not the sort of thing you should be betting on).

It's a whole new ballgame for 2007 after this past summer's bloodletting at the paper culled some of the more droolingly intense moonbats from the board's herd. Plus, it's an off year election, so you never know what odd choices will present themselves to our brave endorsers. But then again "odd choices" is nearly synonymous with "DFLic Party". Last year's final tally is here.

Yesterday, the Strib took up the Anoka-Hennepin school levy. Sadly, there can be but one outcome:

Voters should maintain and expand their earlier investment by supporting the current levy request on the Nov. 6 ballot.

DFLic - 1
GOP - 0

Today the Strib looks at the moonbat cesspool otherwise known as the St. Paul City Council:

First Ward: Montgomery (DFLic)

Second Ward: Dave Thune (DFLian)

Third Ward: Pat Harris (DFLish)

Fourth Ward: Russ Stark (DFLtopian)

Fifth Ward: Lee Helgen (DFLese)

Sixth Ward: Dan Bostrom (DFLer)

Seventh Ward: Kathy "Kathy Lantry is a Turd" Lantry (DFLory)

But wait! - you're saying - one of those races is unopposed and in two of the races both candidates are DFLians! Isn't this a bit like shooting fish in a barrel?

My answer is twofold:

1. With the Strib, it's always like shooting fish in a barrel. Do I need to remind you about last year again?

2. In the immortal words of Rush: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Nothing's preventing the Strib from not endorsing anyone. I look at those two monoparty races and the unopposed seat and I think to myself "none of the above," or better yet, "write in Mitch Berg's cat." The Strib thinks "ORGASM!"

And with that, we look forward to the Strib's next ejaculate-drenched round of endorsements. Our score stands at:

DFLian - 8
GOP - 0

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Polls Are Open

You can now cast your vote for MOB mayor over there atop the right sidebar. One vote per day...yada yada...in the event no single candidate obtains a majority, there will be a runoff between the two top vote-getters...blah blah blah etc. ad nauseum. The initial round of voting ends Friday.

On a personal note, I have to say that this was the worst Mayoral campaign ever. Atomizer actually took part in the debates, and not even once did Andy gay bait Kevie. It was so bad, that for this year's election, I am suspending the rule that prohibits electioneering within 50 feet of the polling place.

After all, in cyberspace, we're all within 50 feet of everywhere.

You Can't Kill the Metal

Just brought this home yesterday:



Yeah, this won't help my ThunderJournalistic output. At all.

OTOH, I think this would make a great MilF tie breaker, in the unlikely event one should ever occur.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Steal This Post

I quit! Because I'm leaving now! For Milwaukee! See you Monday!
You obviously know me too well, or were intelligent enough to figure out the clue in the title, smart guy! Or you read this on an RSS feed!

MORE OUTRAGE!!!! Nihilist in Golf Pants Blog Fabricated Stories!!!!

In 2005, the Nihilist on Golf Pants blog ran three-part series detailing one of its contributor's experiences as a detainee in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. KAR has now learned that these stories were completely false.

In the series entitled "One Day in the Life of Sisyphus" Sisyphus told the story of several events that allegedly transpired while he was detained in Gitmo. After an intensive investigation, we have learned that there are a number of fraudulent assertions in those pieces; enough to call into question the entire veracity of the series. To wit:

* In part I, it is claimed: "Sisyphus never overslept". This is patently false. Sisyphus always oversleeps.

* Also in Part I: "Sisyphus stepped on the scale. The dial spun around for minutes before gradually coming to rest at 262 pounds". Again, patently false.

* In Part II:

Sisyphus’ glasses fogged up as he stepped out of the hyper-air conditioned hut 7 and into the humid Cuban air. He had often complained to the warders about the over-cold air conditioning, but the answer was always the same: petition rejected.

This is false. Everybody knows that the air conditioning at Gitmo is kept at the torturously hot level of 76.5 degrees to wear down the inmates for interrogation.

* Also in Part II, Sisyphus is tasked with painting the lines of the soccer field:

Sisyphus was not surprised [about being assigned to draw the boundary lines]. The application of the boundary lines was the most difficult job, and as usual, it fell to the two most skilled workers in the gang.

This is false. Sisyphus doesn't know what a soccer field looks like.

* Again, in Part II:

Sisyphus sat down and ate half of the donut and put the other half in his shirt to eat during the soccer game. Saeed led the gang out onto the field and assigned the gang to their positions; he made Sisyphus the goalkeeper to take advantage of his cat-like agility.

This is false. I don't even need to tell you why.

Added to these obvious falsehoods are these additional facts: the Defense Department has no record of any Gitmo detainee named "Sisyphus", and Sisyphus' whole series seemed to be plagiarized from Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's classic novel One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich.

Repeated requests for comment from the Nihilist in Golf Pants blog's eponymous editor on these revelations have been ignored, save for one cryptic e-mail message that read "I hate that fucker!" No word on if the NIGP has opened an investigation into the falsehoods published by this Gitmo Fabulist.

Developing...

NOTE: This new disgrace comes on the heels of yet another burgeoning scandal in which the Nihilist in Golf Pants reported that the Wetterling foundation told Al Gore to "suck it." The Wetterling Foundation disputes the charge.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Suck It Bill



That's right, Bill: because of my mad lawn care skillz, I have finally received my long overdue props as the proprietor of the Lawn of the Month (October).

Did you ever win Lawn of the Month, Bill?

Shee-ah! As if.

Your old house remains on the market. You still have time to try and unseat me. If you think you have the lawn cred to take my mantle from me, then I invite you to bring it.

I Think I've Figured Out What Code Pink's Problem Is

They're heinous.

Let me elaborate.

For those who don't know, Code Pink is a moonbat anti-war astroturf organization whose membership is comprised mainly of women and a few very desperate men who are not picky about whom will sleep with them. It was formed in 2002 - before the invasion of Iraq. You will note that the Iraq war is still going on, therefore it's perfectly fair to characterize their effort as a miserable failure.

I believe CP's failure stems from one crucial miscalculation made by its organizers and/or leaders: that is, their willingness to be seen in public.

Code Pink was in the news as recently as yesterday. One of they're minions had accosted Condi Rice. Stupidity ensues:

A woman with her hands painted blood-red confronted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice at the US Congress Wednesday, shouting "war criminal" before being hauled away by Capitol security.

Desiree Farooz accosted Rice ahead of her appearance at a House of Representatives hearing on US foreign policy, waving her hands just centimeters (inches) from the diplomat's face inside the committee meeting room as television cameras captured the confrontation.

"The blood of millions of Iraqis is on your hands," Farooz shouted, before police wrestled her away.

I can't even begin to enumerate everything that's wrong with this. For one thing, the red paint as blood thing is so played out. If you want to make a statement that gets noticed these days, real blood is worth a shot. My six year old has several gallons of red tempura at her art table. Yawn.

Another problem is the incoherency of the message as delivered. No, Mizz Farooz, the red paint signifying blood is on your hands, not the Secretary of State's. If you look up "non sequitur" in the dictionary, it says "see 'nipples'". Do try to put a little more thought into your next narcissistic exploit.

But those are small potatoes to the biggest problem with this particular publicity stunt confrontation with a high ranking administration official. No, the biggest problem is that our brave Pinkie protester looks like this.

Forgive me if I come off as superficial or crass. But would you ever buy anything from - let alone accede to the demands of - someone who looked like that? I mean if she weren't holding a machete?

I think not.

This is not the only time CP has so completely and utterly failed to coordinate a well crafted message with a suitable messenger. Hell, it's not even the worst. That record would have to go to the "Breasts Not Bombs" stunt CP pulled in (where else?) San Fransisco at a Hillary! appearance back in July.

As its name suggests, at a random time during Hillary!'s talk, a group of Pinkies started a ruckus and simultaneously freed the boobies. Now, normally, this would be enough to make me rethink my position on the Iraq War. But sadly, as you might have already surmised, my position on Iraq was the only thing this little demonstration firmed up (WARNING: photos near the bottom of the page not suitable for anyone).

The obvious needs to be stated since Code Pink apparently can't see it. If you want to convey a message using a tactic that necessarily involves a visual component, it doesn't help when your tactic is one that makes the viewer reflexively look away, run home, and scrub out their eyes with a Brillo pad.

Now maybe there's a shortage of hottie coeds who want to flip out their C-cup perkies for peace. Hey - what about these two?




But if you insist on only sending wild-eyed harpies and middle-aged hippos with flapjack titties to deliver your message, you can count on consistent failure into the indefinite future.

The Perils of Being a Satirist

Frequently, some people just don't get it.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Grace Period has Ended

The next perpetually distracted a-hole that nearly runs over me because he's too busy staring at his fucking Blackberry to watch where he's walking, will be promptly jerked back into the analog world by a particularly devastating forearm shiver.

Do. Not. Tempt. Me. Further.

The MOB Mayoral Debate Series -- Debate #4

ONE ANNOUNCEMENT before we begin: the polls will open on Monday and run until Friday. If you have any attack ads, you may want to run them soon.

MAYORAL CANDIDATES: Please use this thread to debate the following issue.

TOPIC: The well is dry.

DEBATE: What should I write about?

Blah

Maybe later.

Maybe not.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About Why My ThunderJournaling Sucks Right Now

I'm working on a hella-cool sooper-sekrit project. It started as a little goof to work on when I had a spare minute, but it has slowly expanded to occupy every brain cell I devote to KAR (or at least 6 out of 7 of them).

You should see the fruits of my endeavors in a couple weeks. It'll be worth the wait. When it's done, it will easily be the greatest thing to ever appear on this ThunderJournal (and that includes my epic ThunderJournalistic breakthrough Recipe Fisking of '05).

In the meantime, you should watch this video:



While you are certain enjoy my little opus when it appears, you will appreciate it a lot more if you are familiar with this video.

And that's all I'm sayin' for now.

The MOB Mayoral Debate Series -- Debate #3

MAYORAL CANDIDATES: Please use this thread to debate the following issue.

TOPIC: For this debate, we will look beyond the candidates' views on MOB policy and politics and instead focus on more personal things: core beliefs, values, interests and goals beyond the public arena.

DEBATE: What do boobies mean to you?

I Can See Clearly Now - My Boobs Are Gone

Behold the blunt object that is statistics:

An increasing number of women who find they have cancer in one breast are sacrificing the other for peace of mind.

A study by a University of Minnesota researcher found that over a six-year period the number of women choosing that aggressive approach increased by 150 percent -- even though statistically the risk of developing cancer in the second breast is less than 1 percent. It's far more common that cancer will spread to other parts of their body, experts said.

Unfortunately, statistics are little solace for and poor guidance to those who find themselves as the anecdotal evidence.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Origins of Sean Kemp

Imagine if you will a big city high school varsity football team. Imagine further that four current players on this particular high school varsity football team had fathered children before their senior year. And imagine further still, that in the past four years, 9 members (including the aforementioned 4) of this team had fathered children.

Let's tic off what the reactions from various corners would be.

From the Right: "Obviously this is a further symptom of the degradation of families in the inner cities and an ineffectual public school system that has sacrificed discipline for political correctness."

From the Center-Left: "OMG!!! OMG!!! CRISIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We obviously need to throw taxpayer money at this crisis!!!!!!!"

From the Cryptopseudofeminist Left: "Abortion is obviously still not available enough for teenagers."

From the Hyperspastic Mouth-Breathing Cryptopseudofeminist Hard Left: "OMG!!! RAPE!!!!!!!"

From the Sports Page Editor of the Local Paper: "I think I'll Print a 9-column soft focus hagiography on the front page about these remarkable young men, while crowding out coverage of the latest win by the local college football team, game 6 of the ALCS, and the death of Max McGee."

Now that the Strib has gone all milquetoast on me, I may need to move back to Milwaukee.

(I probably should get down there anyway to help clean up whatever is left of Noted Marquette Alumnus Denbo's exploded head.)

Moron Mail

Moron Mail is probably the oldest running regular feature on KAR. Throughout its long and storied history, we here at KAR have been proud to say that no matter to what depths of stupidity a mailing moron may take us, we have always been able to maintain our composure and deliver the high-quality fiskings that our readers have come to enjoy.

Indeed we have rarely, if ever, punted on a Moron Mail, even if it seemed too blazingly insipid to be worth mocking. If you've been following along, you have witnessed many a letter to the Strib that could easily - and legitimately - be dismissed half way through with a mere "moron" or "jackass". But instead of taking this easy - and legitimate - way out, we remain committed to our endeavors to not merely beat down the unsupportable, inflammatory, insulting and fact challenged but to relegate these skid marks of rhetoric to the very deepest regions of epistemological hell where they belong.

There has never been a letter so stupid that it defies thorough mocking, and I dare say, I doubt there ever will be.

That said, let's move on to today's Moron Mail:

Neocons

Uh oh... this isn't looking too good.

may have been running the show for the last six years, but according to Mitch Pearlstein they're still the downtrodden victims of oppression.

OK. Forget everything I just wrote above. I stand corrected.

ROBERT ALBONER, MINNEAPOLIS

Ruins! A once mighty franchise lies in ruins!!!

When Vikings Fans Grow Half a Brain:

Cynical Vikings Guy

MONEY QUOTE:

That when my team sucketh so bad as to be destructive to these ends, it is the Right of the Fan to alter or abolish his allegiance to it, and to institute a new favorite among the NFL teams,...the Green Bay Packers.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The News in Haikus

Sure, he can make a
Jet disappear; can he make
Evidence vanish?

Was it genocide?
Or not? Who cares? It happened
Century ago.

If you want to make
The big bucks, look into Bull
Spooge, sewer diving.

Then: Foot's a "Trust fund
Brat"; Now: "no more assumptions."
Irony is dead.

Welcome home Bhutto!
KABOOMEROOMBLAMMOBAM-
BLAMBOOMKABLOOEY!!!!!

The best thing about
Suicide bombers is that
They only strike once.

Anti-war film called
"Redacted" gets redacted.
Irony still dead.

Home Depot aisle 5:
Circular saws, power tools
And fake hate crime props.

Comcast blocks some 'net
Traffic. But not KAR.
Irony decays.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Lovesong for Sparky Redux: Love Smells Like Frozen Lasagna

THUNDERJOURNALIST'S NOTE: This post is not another in the series that have been ridiculing and parodying former porno mag editor and smear blogger Weiner / Avidor. Resist the urge to look for hidden subtext or obscure backhanded insults. They're not there.

October is breast cancer awareness month. Those of you familiar with me and my wife's situation have probably noted the irony that she and I were unaware of that October was breast cancer awareness month until she was diagnosed with breast cancer, almost one year ago. I think whomever came up with BCAM probably hoped it would work the other way around.

So here we are, 358 days, 3 surgeries, 8 chemo treatments, 2 implants, thousands of dead hair follicles, billions of frozen lasagnas (more on that in a minute), and one well-needed vacation later.

She is cancer free.

Her hair's grown back.

She joined a health club.

She's in better shape than me.

Of course that's not the end of the story for her. She is still undergoing hormone therapy, which means 2 pills a day, every day, for the next 5 years. And she will need annual CAT scans and frequent bloodwork to make sure the cancer hasn't returned or popped up somewhere else. But compared to getting rid of the damn thing, its pretty much pure vanilla.

To say that the courage, grace and grit she exhibited through this whole ordeal were inspirational would be a gross understatement. Through the process, I rediscovered why I love her so much and have come to cherish her even more. She's my idol. Yet, I'm positive that her deepest hope would be that others who are going through, or will go through, the same ordeals and challenges would take hope or inspiration from her. She is not merely surviving - she is living, in the most profound sense of that word.

Of course nothing this challenging can be done in a vacuum. Dozens of family, friends and neighbors were always ready to lend a hand if the children (NOTE: "children" includes Moonchild) needed to be watched, to call if Mrs. Foot needed a little pick-me-up, or were willing to make a meal for the family when Mrs. Foot was too weak or I was too late from work to cook. Words cannot express the gratitude she - and I - feel toward all of them; many of them readers of this ThunderJournal.

One piece of advice for anyone who gets a meal for a friend in chemo: avoid frozen lasagnas. It's not that they're not good or unappreciated. Stouffer's frozen lasagna is a perfectly acceptable and even delicious substitute for the real thing. The only problem is that *every* *single* *other* *person* offering a meal is also buying a frozen lasagna. It does get old after a while.

Not that we didn't eat each and every single one.

What was that phrase I used last year?

"Life is good"...

No.

"Life is good."

Does Blogger Avidor Support the Exploitation of Women?

Curious.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Blogger and former porno mag editor Wiener/Avidor does not like to be treated the way he treats others. And he continues to go ballistic about it.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Curiouser and curiouser.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Panic-stricken and having no more ammo left (actually he never had any in the first place), he breathlessly poses a loaded question (at least in his mind), the answer to which he already knows:
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Getting back to Learned Foot... is he a PRTista like Rep. Mark Olson?
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
He knows the answer to this, because he hits this old post of mine on a weekly basis during his obsessive googlebation (that's googling your own name for those who have not been keeping up) sessions:
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Don't know what PRT is? Don't care? Join the rest of the planet, save for a few self-esteem-deficient brain dead morons that "think" it's an imminent threat to the future of the human race.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
[Here, I will pause to observe that the same self-esteem-deficient brain dead morons will probably lift that last sentence to "prove" that I'm a BIG PRT supporter. In truth, I don't give a shit. Nobody does.]
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Why does former porno merchant Wiener /Avidor pose questions that he already knows the answer to?
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Actually, I can answer that one: because he's a smear merchant who's got nothing.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
I also notice that former porno editor Weiner / Avidor has taken to stealing photos from Doug Bass' Flickr page.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
I wonder if Douglass is OK with that? He sure doesn't like hotlinking.
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Developing...
excerpt cut and pasted without permission
Read my blog!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The MOB Mayoral Debate Series -- Debate #2

MAYORAL CANDIDATES: Please use this thread to debate the following issue.

TOPIC: One of the duties of the MOB's Mayor is to be the Honorary Presider over the PostMilF Gala festivities. However recent events surrounding the senseless stalking of certain MOB members have caused this role to expand into areas of security.

DEBATE: If elected MOB Mayor, how would you ensure that there are no stalkerazzi taking pictures from the bushes?

Google Trends

Google has released data about the most popular searches on the search engine. Here are the current top 10 search strings:

1. "sex"

2. "pr0n"

3. "Ken Avidor"

4. "Personal Rapid Transit"

5. "Michelle Bachmann"

6. "Avidor, Ken"

7. "Mitch Berg"

8. "Avidor"

9. "PRT is for loosers"

10. "Ken Weiner"

Blogger Weiner Tries to Play "Six Degrees of Separation" on DU

Curious.

Frequent commenter Ryan once remarked that when he reads Ken Weiner-Avidor's "blogging" he hears it in his head in Dwight Schrute's voice. I can't say that I disagree.

Yep. Blogger Weiner's talking to himself while once again in another public forum, trying to slime people. Two comments in 16 hours on a heavily trafficked message board- both by blogger Weiner.

You may recall Blogger Weiner (AKA "Avidor") has an obsession with Blogger Berg; making accusations of conflicts of interest in Berg's wikipedia edits, while a coblogger of Weiner's was surreptitiously making anonymous and slanderous edits on other wikipedia entries.

I wonder if Blogger Berg and Blogger Swiftee are considering swearing out a restraining order yet. This guy is obviously unstable.

Developing...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

BREAKING: Randi Rhodes' "Mugging" Was An Inside Job!

Well, that was quick:

A police source said Rhodes never filed a report and never claimed to be the victim of a mugging. Cops from Manhattan's 17th Precinct called her attorney, who told them Rhodes was not a victim of a crime, the source said.

Rhodes' lawyer told the Daily News she was injured in a fall while walking her dog. He said she's not sure what happened, and only knows that she fell down and is in a lot of pain. The lawyer said Rhodes expects to be back on the air Thursday. He stressed there is no indication she was targeted or that she was the victim of a "hate crime
."

So I'm sure all those aspiring Jeffie the Wingnut Slayers in the drool-o-sphere will be dropping the conspiracy theories...

Still, the tale lived on in the blogosphere.

"What the %$#$ is WRONG with you people?? Are you that SICK in the head that just because you don’t agree with someone’s political views you believe that they deserve to be mugged? Are you on the right that DEMENTED??," a blogger called neddlenosehanty posted on watchingthewatchers.org.

Or not.

And the cosmic ballet goes on.

Talk Radio Shocker

I'm shocked:

Randi Rhodes was mugged on Sunday night on 39th Street and Park Ave, nearby her Manhattan apartment, while she was walking her dog Simon.

According to Air America Radio late night host Jon Elliott, Rhodes was beaten up pretty badly, losing several teeth and will probably be off the air for at least the rest of the week. At of late Monday night we have not able to locate any press accounts of the attack and nothing has been posted on the AAR website
.

I am shocked to learn that Air America is still around.

Ha! I keed. I keed.

Several liberal blogs, including the Randi Rhodes Message Board and Democratic Underground have logged numerous posts on the Rhodes mugging with most of the posters expressing concern about the condition of the popular lib talker.

Hmm. Let' see how many comments there are on the DU thread before someone speculates that a neocon cabal attacked her...

*click*

...Two.

Oh wait - I should have kept reading. Apparently the the drooling mob at DU wasn't the first across the breach:

Elliott was extremely agitated when he reported on the incident. He opened his show by saying "it is with sadness that tonight I inform you that my Air America colleague Randi Rhodes was assaulted last night while walking her dog near her New York City home."

Pointing out that Rhodes was wearing a jogging suit and displayed no purse or jewelry, Elliott speculated that "this does not appear to me to be a standard grab the money and run mugging."

"Is this an attempt by the right wing hate machine to silence one of our own," he asked. "Are we threatening them. Are they afraid that we're winning. Are they trying to silence intimidate us."


Yow! You got us Jon! A sparsely-listened-to unhinged talk show host that almost nobody knows of posed a clear and present danger to our diabolical plot to take over the world and impose a neocon theocracy.

On behalf of all of us in the Right-Wing Nutso Trilateral Commission, I promise that from now on, we will restrict our tactics to intellectual thugishness (like having 12 year-olds and mothers of dead soldiers deliver our communiques, context-stripped slanders of public figures, and so on...) and renounce violent physical thugishness to silence our critics of whom most of us were heretofore unaware.

(Seriously: KAR wishes Ms. Rhodes all the best and offers our sincere hope that the scuzball who assaulted her is apprehended and hung by his extremely small penis.)

Closed Circuit to All Colorado Rockies Fans

Recently, one of your legion sent out a blanket invitation for anyone to hop on the Rockies bandwagon before it departed for the playoffs and points beyond. As with any broad invitation of this sort, you are likely to draw certain undesirables, and your case is no exception. And boy did you hook a doozy.

I am referring, of course, to one Chad the Elder. Having just about every other team he (putatively, temporarily, only in good times) supports currently wallowing in the wreckage of their respective seasons, Chad enthusiastically mustered all of his 4-inch vert to hop aboard the Rockies' wagon at the first beckoning. What you got, I'm afraid, is a gadfly, a sports whore who flings baseless, second-string smack, and most importantly, a man who has, until times were good for your team, held you, your beloved Rockies, and indeed the entire National League in utter contempt.

To wit:

You dare talk baseball trash with a team like the Rockies? (Source)

How can a guy who lives in a place called "Wheat Ridge" give anyone crap? The dirty little secret of Colorado is that although the state is best know for the Rockies (they're real and they're spectacular), damn near half of it is nothing more than West Kansas (or Southwest Nebraska). (Ibid.)

Gotta love that National League game don't ya? Nothing like watching a clueless pitcher make a base runner blunder that would get a Little Leaguer chewed out. Yeah, but the DH takes a lot out of the game, right? (Source)

And if that's not all, should your beloved team (God forbid!) tank in the World Series, you can look forward to thousands of half-baked smack comments ripping on your team and telling you how great Adrian Peterson is. (I'm serious. You're dealing with a real winner here.)

You good folks in Colorado need to punt this guy off your bandwagon ASAP. Now that it's going at full speed, the bounce of his body off the pavement might make for quite the spectacle.

The MOB Mayoral Debate Series - Debate 1

MAYORAL CANDIDATES: Please use this thread to debate the following issue.

TOPIC: You may have read in the news this week about the Great Rediculous Wikipedia Crisis of Aught-Seven. In short, one contributor of a certain group blog decided - for no apparent reason - to catalogue the wikipedia edits of an enemy blogger. It was later discovered that another member of that same group blog was inserting some unflattering information into the wikipedia entries of certain political opponents anonymously.

DEBATE: As MOB Mayor, how would you handle this growing mental illness crisis?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Closed Circuit to Wiener-Heads

To the first group of wiener-heads - the Guys Who Put Together the NFL Schedule:

This weekend was, I believe, the first time this season that I was unable to watch the Washington Redskins on TV in the local market.

Of course, that was because they were playing the Packers.

By my estimation, you have now left approximately 48 rating points on the table here in the Greater Twin Cities metro area. How many millions of dollars is that worth? I'm not sure you get it, but contrary to what you may think, nobody here gives a flying crap about the East Coast or its crappy crappy teams.

At least we get to see that epic Monday Night matchup between the Falcons and the Giants (5th time on TV here) tonight! Thanks for that.

Pffffffft.

To the second group of wiener-heads: Delusional Vikings "Fans" (sorry for the double redundancy):

Ahem, there's only one season that matters:

  • This one.

And there's only two stats that matter:

  • Green Bay and their one-dimensional offense: 5-1

  • Minnesota and their 1/2 dimensional offense: 2-3.

Everything else is just the masterbatory hedging of small-minded losers.

To be fair, I would like to congratulate Cynical Vikings Guy on what I am sure he will see as the victory that locks up the wild card for the Purple.

Welcome Shot In The Dark Readers!

Welcome! Take a look around. You can find all the the latest on Eva Young's use of an anonymous IP address to publish smears of her critics and enemies, as well as BloggerAvidor's meltdown here. You can find an amusing photoshop MS Paint picture I made of BloggerAvidor here. It made him go ballistic.

Curious.

Eva Young has time to misquote Blogger Berg, but somehow is too busy to tell us why she won't sign her name to her wikipedia edits.

Developing...

Saturday, October 13, 2007

When Left Wing Attack Bloggers Are Attacked: Bachmann Stalking Bloggers Continue to Stonewall

Curious.


While we let Blogger Avidor finish his meltdown and unbunch his panties, I would be interested in knowing why Eva Young made those anonymous edits on wikipedia.










We're pretty sure it wasn't Avidor, since he uses Visi (IP: 208.42.19.# -- we know this from his almost incessant googlebation). The anonymous wikipedia editor was listed as using 75.72.92.204, which is a Comcast IP.


Eva Young has time to post all kinds of other worthless crap. Why can't she answer a simple question?


Why would Eva Young make anonymous wikipedia edits?


Developing...

UPDATE: Nutjob AntiCar Freak Blogger Avidor Goes Balistic Over Simple Question

Curious.

Blogger Avidor is clearly upset that he's getting treated the same way he treats others:

When Right-wing Wikipedians/Talk Radio Hosts/Bloggers Attack, What are they so upset? Options

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Switch to: Linear+ Avidor 8 minutes ago Post #1


New Member


Group: Members
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun 18th Jun 2006, 6:55pm
Member No.: 276

WP user page / talk
Editing patterns
Contribs (enwiki)


This is hilarious...

Last week, I noticed that the Northern Alliance Radio Network website was down... I Googled the NARN to see if I had the wrong URL. I noticed that there was a Wikipedia page for the NARN (with the bad link). I looked to see who created and edited the NARN Wiki page and found out it was create and edited by one of the regulars on the NARN, a right-wing blogger Named Mitch Berg who created other Wiki pages for other right-wing blogger/NARN talk radio hosts/bloggers.

I noted this on the Lloydletta blog and Wikipedian Mitch Berg and his fans went ballistic... and they're still mad!

Aint the internets wonderful?


Yes. Yes they are. You can almost smell his flop sweat.

Hillarious!

And developing...

Read my blog!

Anti-Car Nutball Avidor Gets Run Over By Bus (Again)

Curious.

Avidor gets flattened like roadkill by KAR again. Now he's in full meltdown mode:





Friday, October 12, 2007
Learned Foot Stubs his Toe (Again)
My
critics:

David Gow (Mr Grant)

Tom Swift (Swiftee)

A
Transportation Enthusiast (Atren, ATE)

Mitch Berg

.... and now a
blogger who calls himself Learned Foot:


Why Won't Eva Young, Ken
Avidor Come Clean About Anonymously Editing Wikipedia Entries?


Here's the Wikipedia user page for Avidor, Mr. Foot.



Not the first time the besotted Learned Foot has stubbed his
toe.


Labels: David Gow, GOP, Michael Brodkorb, Mitch Berg, personal
rapid transit, PRT

posted by Avidor at 5:07 PM 0 comments


Avidor doesn't allow comments from outsiders. Curious. Here's a picture of the middle-aged looser loser:





Avidor has been sucking too much bus exhaust. First, just because someone has a wikipedia account, doesn't mean that they can't or won't still make anonymous edits.

Why does Avidor think you're stupid?

Second, Avidor can't read. Here's what I wrote:

And why would Eva Young or one of her droogs want to edit these entries anonymously?

Of course, in Avidor's daily vanity google search (new word: googlebation -- too late, I copyrighted it!), he only looked at the second, throwaway mocking post.

Why can't Avidor read?

Which brings us to tyhis final curious question: I linked to two of Avidork's blogs, but he posted his cute little nonresponse on a completely different one. One that Eva Young does not contribute to. Why? Trolling for hits?

Why is Avidor so stupid?

And why won't he and Eva Young admit to anonymously editing wikipedia entries?

Developing...

Read my blog!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Why Won't Eva Young, Ken Avidor Come Clean About Anonymously Editing Wikipedia Entries?

Curious.

Mitch Berg used his real name for his wikipedia editing account.

Why won't the Bachmann stalkers?

They're curiously silent.

Developing...

Middle-Aged Nutjob Blogger Has Undies in Bunch About Blogger Berg

Curious.

Blogger Avidor is stalking Blogger Berg through the wikisphere:

Thursday, October 11, 2007
Mitch Berg, Wikipedian
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mitchberg

Berg's edits:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Mitchberg

Berg created the Northern Alliance page:

Northern_Alliance_Radio_Network

The link from the Northern
Alliance off the Wikipedia page doesn't work anymore:

http://www.northernallianceradio.com/

... Berg also created The
Taxpayers League Wiki page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxpayers_League_of_Minnesota

and
this one:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captains_Quarters_%28blog%29



Update: The Parrot's initial efforts on Captain Ed - and the
resulting comments were hilarious:



# (cur) (last) 20:51, 28 July
2006 Eleemosynary (Talk contribs) ("I don't have time") (undo)
# (cur)
(last) 19:54, 28 July 2006 Mitchberg (Talk contribs) (→Adscam - Attribution #2.
I don't have all the time in the world to dig this stuff up - but if I write it,
odds are it's a fact.) (undo)
# (cur) (last) 19:53, 28 July 2006 Mitchberg
(Talk contribs) (→Adscam - Attribution #1) (undo)
# (cur) (last) 05:03, 28
July 2006 Eleemosynary (Talk contribs) (→Adscam) (undo)
# (cur) (last)
04:58, 28 July 2006 Eleemosynary (Talk contribs) (Unsourced claim removed.)
(undo)
# (cur) (last) 04:58, 28 July 2006 Eleemosynary (Talk contribs)
(Removed cheerleading and POV. Substantiate the claims.) (undo)
# (cur)
(last) 04:56, 28 July 2006 Eleemosynary (Talk contribs) (Deleted unsourced
conjecture and POV.) (undo)
# (cur) (last) 13:07, 24 July 2006 Mitchberg
(Talk contribs) (→Trivia - added cat) (undo)
# (cur) (last) 13:05, 24 July
2006 Mitchberg (Talk contribs) (Started article)

Posted by Avidor at
8:25 AM

Labels: Michael Brodkorb, Mitch Berg, Northern Alliance Radio


8 comments:


Predictably, Blogger Obsessive Stalker-Looser is having a meltdown over Blogger Berg's response:

Avidor AKA "Crayola Boy" Seems to Have MOB Parrot Mitch Berg's Undies in a
Bunch
Polly wanna cracker?

Thanks, Crayola Boy! Maybe someday
someone’ll give a rat’s ass about what you “write”/”draw”/whatever!


This is what strikes me. Why isn't someone more independent than
Mitch Berg aka the MOB Parrot posting the original article about Captain Ed's
blog? Captain Ed and Mitch are the co-hosts of the same NARN segment every
Saturday. That would like having me post a bio of Ken Avidor - or Avidor Studios
on Wikipedia.

I believe Wikipedia has guidelines on this sort of thing.

A commenter over at the Parrot's site writes:


Oh, I don’t
know, having read some of the fawning, spin-til-you-die pablum on Wiki that this
guy cites (if it Mitch that is the author of those cited articles) - well, the
criticism certainly is highly deserved.

E.G. other than the Health
Impact Fee - I guess Pawlenty kept his promise.

My reply is “gives a
rat’s ass” is really fostering discourse.. very civil, very adult - and
‘Man-crush’ meet Rabbit Ears.

If we hung on your every utterance,
considering the volume of bilge, there’s little else we could do during the work
day - as that seems to be when you write most of your commentary these days -
and even that’s ironic, considering you chastised your ‘adoring public’ (well,
okay, only your critics, for commenting during the day- not so long ago..
hrmmmm).

Dream a double standard you object of a big-man-crush you.

# Kermit Says:
October 11th, 2007 at 5:35 pm

The parrot
photoshop was kinda cute. AC would approve.
# jroosh Says:
October 11th,
2007 at 5:48 pm

The parrot photoshop was kinda cute. AC would approve.

…True but red’s not his color. I think he looks better in black.



Avidor points out:


Wikipedia is not an advertising
service. Promotional articles about yourself, your friends, your company or
products, or articles created as part of a marketing or promotional campaign,
will be deleted in accordance with our deletion policies. For more information,
please see Wikipedia:Spam.

Posted by lloydletta at 4:39 PM 2 comments

Labels: Ken Avidor, Mitch Berg, MOB, NARN, Parrot, Wikipedia


Curious.

For no reason whatsoever I decided to look up the edits of Michele Bachmann's (that's one "l", two "n's") wikipedia entry. I noted some curious edits by an anonymous user (identified only by the IP address 75.72.92.204 -- that's 75.72.92.204) on the history page. So I then looked up all the edits made by anonymous user 75.72.92.204, and here's what came up:


21:58, 22 September 2007 (hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Rallies at state capitol and Senate leadership promotion/demotion - minor fix - url = not URL= in cite.)

21:56, 22 September 2007 (
hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Rallies at state capitol and Senate leadership promotion/demotion - Added information about Death Penalty for Homosexuals Sign at Bachmann's 2004 anti-gay marriage rally.)

21:54, 22 September 2007 (
hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Rallies at state capitol and Senate leadership promotion/demotion)

21:47, 22 September 2007 (
hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Rallies at state capitol and Senate leadership promotion/demotion)

20:53, 3 August 2007 (
hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Political positions)

23:33, 1 June 2007 (
hist) (diff) Power Line‎ (Political positions - added information about Best Meltdown)

02:50, 23 May 2007 (
hist) (diff) Marilyn Musgrave‎ (Same-sex marriage)

03:58, 2 May 2007 (
hist) (diff) Michele Bachmann‎ (Political positions - Intelligent design is a type of creationism.)

Curious.

I did a quick google search on a couple of those above items (I, unlike some partially employed middle-aged former cartoonists for weekly freebie rags, have a life), and I noticed that they were popular memes on a couple of certain local drool blogs.

So who is 75.72.92.204?

And why do the interests and talking points of 75.72.92.204 so closely match those of Eva Young's and Ken Avidor's blogs (i.e. they can't mention Powerline without also mentioning a two-year old City Pages smear as well)?

And why would Eva Young or one of her droogs want to edit these entries anonymously?

As Middle-Aged Adolescent Blogger Avidor is quick to note:

"The user who visits Wikipedia to learn about some subject, to confirm
some matter of fact, is rather in the position of a visitor to a public
restroom. It may be obviously dirty, so that he knows to exercise great care, or
it may seem fairly clean, so that he may be lulled into a false sense of
security. What he certainly does not know is who has used the facilities before
him."

-Robert McHenry, Former Editor in Chief of the
Encyclopædia Britannica



Curious.

Developing...

Read my blog!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Moron Mail

What's theirs is mine, what's mine is yours, what's yours is theirs and we're all born together. I am the moron, goo-goo-ga-joob:

The decision to appeal a case against the Recording Industry Association of America in Minnesota deserves more examination because what we are seeing is a pro-corporate court taking away the rights of consumers.

This is an absolute jewel of a moron mail, and I hate to interrupt its almost perfect stupidity. But I will pause to note here that this is yet another piece of evidence that 99.9999999999% of people who use the word "corporate" haven't the faintest clue of what that word means.

The ability to share and copy something should determine its market value,

Again, I hate to interrupt, but please take a moment to pause and reflect on that little turd of economic ignorance. Just let the absolutely stultifying idiocy of that statement wash over you, like a red tide carrying raw sewage.

and not be regarded as criminal activity as the courts have decided thus far. It is clear that the activities of the RIAA are to keep the digital format artificially overvalued in the market while consumers suffer the consequences.

DUDLEY R. DURSLEY, MINNEAPOLIS

Wow. Let's peg the price of a product to how easy it is to steal and replicate. Let's see how this works:

"Corporation" produces a thing that is of value to the harried consumer, and prices it according to bonerhead's theory here. Then consumer (singular) pays that price, and then goes on to make it available for free to everyone. "Corporation"'s revenue stream dries up after initial sale. "Corporation" goes under. Therefore, no more desirable things that used to be made by "corporation" are available.

And the harried consumer is...

happy?

Libel a General? That's OK. Infringe on a Trademark? You Will Pay.

The 527 astroturf organization that dare not speak its name. Literally:

Internet giant Google has banned advertisements critical of MoveOn.org, the far-left advocacy group that caused a national uproar last month when it received preferential treatment from The New York Times for its “General Betray Us” message.

The ads banned by Google were placed by a firm working for Republican Sen. Susan Collins’ re-election campaign. Collins is seeking her third term.

Earlier this week, Google told Lance Dutson, president of Maine Coast Designs, that the ads he placed for Collins had been removed and would not be allowed to resume because they violated Google’s trademark policy.


You mean Google won't let you put this:


in a Google ad? For the record, KAR believes that




sucks.

Google’s Web site states, “Google takes allegations of trademark infringement very seriously and, as a courtesy, we’re happy to investigate matters raised by trademark owners.” That suggests Google acted in response to a complaint by MoveOn.org.

Oh those poor poor rich assholes at


My heart bleeds for them.



PHOTOSHOP CONTEST!


Photoshop this famous trademarked logo:



Here's my dashed-off MS-Paint effort:


Bonus points for anyone who can work this well-protected trademark into a picture of the dirty mushroom.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Game On

Let the campaign for MOB Mayor commence! Here are your candidates:

King Bananaman (SCSU Scholaz)

Nominated by: Self

Profile: As chair of the Economics department at a third tier state university, Baniaiaian promises to bring fiscal sanity to the MOB on a raft of charts, graphs and vowels.

Candidate's Statement: None.


NightWriter (The Night Writer)

Nominated by: Surly Dave (Master of Sausages)

Profile: An erstwhile family man with an 18 year-old daughter who is constantly getting hit on by troglodyte MOBsters well below her station. Winner of the special "Number of the Beast Award" at the 2007 MilF.

Candidate's Statement: "Buy her another beer Kevie, and I'll use your scrotum as a tennis racket."

Atomizer (Fraters Libertas)

Nominated by: Chad the Elder

Profile: Drunk surly guy who appeals mainly to other drunk, surly guys. Thus, an early favorite. Only nominated because Chad thought that it might annoy him.

Candidate's statement: "What now?"

Tracy Eberly (Anti-Strib)

Nominated by: A bunch of his droogs

Profile: Because of a series of stupid and insulting assumptions (as in they were not only the complete opposite of reality, but they were more embarrassing to him than anyone else) about the background of your humble Minister of Elections pooped out by him in a comment thread, questions were raised about Mr. Eberly's ability to meet the minimum IQ requirement (11). After careful thought, we decided to allow his candidacy, as KAR did not want to be accused of suppressing the moronic troll bloc of voters.

Candidate's statement: "I hv mnsn!"

Andy Applecowski (Rezijewel Froces) (Incumbent)

Nominated by: Default

Profile: Mayer Andee presided over a long period of MOB peace and prosperity after the tumult of the Bogus Doug administration. This obviously makes him unworthy of your vote.

Candidate's statement: "Hay! Stpo riping on mi speeling!"

Gary "Geminem Money" Miller (Various)

Nominated by: First Ringer

Profile: If it hadn't have been for Gary's brainchild "Kennedy v. Machine," Mark Kennedy may have lost his Senate bid by as much as 25 points. A true non-partisan, Gary is quick to endorse candidates regardless of party affiliation as long as they're smokin' hot. Sings back up in the Metallica tribute band Metallic-a-Capella. Another early favorite, expect him to use his affiliations with 178 different blogs to bring home the vote.

Candidate's statement: "F**k it all, and f**king no regrets."

Ryan Rhodes (My ThunderJournal!)

Nominated by: Bjork

Profile: The only ThunderJournalist in this year's race, Ryan promises to finish third. Again. Not worth a hill of beans as a person. (Clearly.)

Candidate's statement: "ASSROCKET!"

Lady Logician (Ladies Logic)

Nominated by: Self

Profile: Cubs fan. Also just barely cleared the minimum IQ requirement.

Candidate's statement: none

Bobo the Talking Chimp (KAR)

Nominated by: LearnedFoot

Profile: The MOB is ready for a mayor from the Talking Monkey Community. Bobo is the candidate of destiny.

Candidate's statement: Can be found here.

Kevin Ecker (EckerNet)

Nominated by: self

Profile: He owns guns.

Candidate's statement: "Mall Diva, I can haz date?"

Speed Gibson (Speed Gibson)

Profile: An erstwhile family man who does not have an 18 year-old daughter who is constantly getting hit on by troglodyte MOBsters well below her station. No chance.

Candidate's statement: "[I] will be what Stanley Blackburn was to the AWA."

Teaparty (Les Enfant Terrible)

Nominated by: self

Profile: If you thought the French blog name was gay, and his handle even gayer, check out his candidate's statement.

Candidate's statement: "[I]n my position as Mayor I promise to suck...MOB members on a regular basis...felate." (source)

THE FOLLOWING NOMINATIONS FAILED:

Leo Pusateri - Still serving a ban of indeterminate length for voter fraud in a past election.

Bogus Doug - We think he may be dead.

Bjork - Not a MOBster; her shrieking reminds us of MNObserver.

Candidates, start your mudslinging!

Did You Ever Want to See Jimmy Carter Get a Blow Job?

Well, this is about as close as you're likely to get.

Via Chief.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Liveblogging My Soul-Crushing ThunderJournalistic Ennui

12:00 - Thought about fisking this letter:

Thank you, Katherine Kersten, for your tireless devotion to publicizing the Critical Mass rides! Dedicated journalists like you made the words "Critical Mass" a household name in the metro area this last month.

I love cycling and commuting by bike but have never participated in Critical Mass rides. However, thanks to you, I am dedicated to riding the very next one and, if possible, every one after that.

As a leaderless and unfunded organization, Critical Mass has never been able to pay for any kind of public relations campaign. I am certain this is why you've donated your time and column inches to giving Critical Mass the free publicity it so rightly deserves.

CHRIS DRUNKENBONER, MINNEAPOLIS


Decided against it. Anybody who thinks that clogging up traffic during rush hour is desirable publicity is probably retarded, and that would be cruel.

12:10 - Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwn.

12:15 - BASEBALL UPDATE: Moneyball big loser! Yankees out. Cubs done before I even noticed playoffs have started.

The MLB Playoffs - Now with 100% less evil!

12:19 - [Tapping fingers idly] *Tappity* *tap* *taptap* *tappity*...

12:22 - Thought about fisking this line from Jeffie the Wingnut Slayer:

Meanwhile, men who actually bend to their significant others’ whims and wash a dish or read to a child are girlie-men, unable to meet the macho standards of this sexy guy.

Decided against it. Anybody who looks like this, while denigrating the "sexiness" of others, is obviously retarded, and that would be cruel.

12:30 - Tappity tap tap tap...

12:35 - Mitch over at Shot in the Dark has been linking to me a lot lately. I really should return the favor...

12:36 - Back atcha big guy!

12:41 - I wish I was a trust fund baby. If I had that much money I'd probably do something neat, like commissioning the creation of the world's largest cupcake, or something.

12:43 - Aha! A comment:

I feel your pain. Here's a word of inspiration.

DUNG!

I don't get it...

12:45 - If I were Eva "Obsessive Stalker-Looser" Young, I would have cut and pasted that last comment thus:


I feel your pain. Here's a word of inspiration.

DUNG!
Uncle Ben Homepage 10.09.07 - 12:43 pm #

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12:53 - Currently, there are only two ThunderJournals: KAR and Rambling Rhodes. If there was a third, we could start a cool new alliance - The Minnesota Organization of ThunderJournals (MOT).

12:55 - Oh - a better name would be "The Bureau of Tubular ThunderJournals" (BUTT).

12:56 - Then we could expand our organization to blogs - The Bureau of Tubular ThunderJournals or Blogs (BUTTJOB)!

1:00 - Heh. Sisyphus said "Fert".

1:01 - Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert Fert

1:04 - Sorry, Mitch: Carbonated battery drippings would have more flavor.

1:05 - Or to be hip and groovy - "flava".

1:07 - Old busted joint: "flavor"; New hotness: "flava".

1:39 - Tappity tap tap

1:42 - I wonder if King Baniaiaiaiaiain has a dog. If he did, I bet it's named Spot.

1:43 - And it would be a female.

1:44 - Spot is Baniaiaiaiaian's bitch.

1:52 - SISYPHUS FALLS DOWN ON THE JOB - In an otherwise unremarkable Top 11 list about the possible names of some new religious conservative party (that I hadn't previously heard about), Sis omits the obvious #1:

"The JB Doubtlesstarian Party."

2:00 - I am currently in the chatroom at Captain Ed's Blog Talk Radio channel. If you have any questions for Ed or me, feel free to drop on by.

2:45 - Back from BTR chatroom. Questions were lighter than expected.

2:56 - PROGRAMMING NOTE: I will NOT be liveThunderJournaling the Republican debate this afternoon.

A guy's gotta have standards, after all.

2:57 - Old busted joint: "liveblogging"; New hotness: "liveThunderJournaling".

3:00 - BREAKING: Coleen Rowley condemns her own irrelevence. Or something. (Didn't bother to read it.)

3:30 - Old busted joint: "peace out"; New hotness: "This liveThunderJournal is over!"