Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Flicking Boogers at the Calendar: 2007 KAR-Style -- Part 4

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3


JUNE

6/1 -- Annual renewal of softball rivalry between Kevie's Team and Foot's Team ends in a tie. Foot too apathetic to blow out knee.

6/3 -- Apparently, on June 3, 2007, Andy got a boner. Due to Strib's website archiving policies we don't know why.

6/4 -- Bogus Doug found alive under a pile of some clever metaphor or something.

6/5 -- Strib veteran Eric Black joins the non-Soros-funded Minnesota Monitor. KAR confident it has a running gag that can last until 2008.

6/7 -- Strib gets triple mastectomy. Morons write to Strib decrying the buyouts, Saddam Hussein hanging.

6/8 -- Guest legal correspondent Sisyphus provides comprehensive coverage of Paris Hilton's court appearance. Power Line pwn3d again.

6/11 -- Tucci breaks down the

6/13 -- With the Brewers in the throes of a miserable losing streak, Foot calls for the firing of the Brew Crew's bullpen catcher.

6/14 -- Strib calls for higher taxes. Foot cites statistics, blows out knee.

6/20 -- Responding to Foot's savvy motivational techniques, Brewers win seven out of eight.

6/21 -- The Nihilist in Golf Pants turns forty. Presents consist entirely of Brokeback Mountain-related merchandise.

Left-wing think tank proposes that the best way to foster the free exchange of ideas on our nation's air waves is for the government to sue conglomerates that air conservative talk shows. Wait...what?

6/22 -- Minocqua, Wisconsin + The Clash = WIN.

The Head keeps the lights on.

6/29 -- Battery chucking Yankees fan calls Brewers fans "obnoxious". Wait...what?


JULY

7/2 -- Every single laid off Stribber takes job with a liberal think tank. Who knew?

The Great Haloscan Outage of Aught-Seven frustrates KAR's commenter.

7/5 -- Mrs. Foot gets her new boobies. David Strom calls the Foot residence every 15 minutes for the next 5 months.

7/9 -- How losers would celebrate Independence Day (Hint: it involves impeachment, Darth Vader and Pete Seger).

7/10 -- Apparently, if you live in St. Paul and the buxom "Officer Cherry" shows up at your door during a party, it isn't a good thing.

7/11 -- Bunch of emo teens with delusions of grandeur announce that they will be attempting to get the attention their parents never gave them in St. Paul next September. KAR sees high probability that antics will involve camcorders, Tenth Level Elves.

7/13 -- Apparently, in the Chickenhawk version of Rock-Paper-Scissors, "Peace Corps" beats "Navy". Army Ranger stares straight ahead and steely-eyed, muttering "Don't fuck with me, son."

MOB (Party) Rules. With bonus NARN Drinking Game!

7/15 -- The B rides her bike for the first time. Foot blows out his knee.

7/17 -- The non-Soros-funded Minnesota Monitor gets a "Transparency Grant." Resulting laughing fit prevents KAR from ThunderJournaling for the rest of the month.

7/25 -- Desperate for content during laughing fit, KAR outsources Moron Mail to China.

7/27 -- Still upset that their consensus has not been recognized, global warming alarmists continue issuing personal threats.

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